Bitch Bible

Jackie celebrates Yom Kippur the day of atonement by deflecting her own wrongdoings. She discusses how the Fall solstice ruins lives, the groundbreaking news of Kylie Jenners cereal habits and why Bert an Ernie are due for a Brokeback Mountain sequel. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at www.skims.com/bible Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE ZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

22 weeks and you know what, Jackie’s feeling pretty good. She's accepted the reality of having two boys, discovered a miserable community of mother’s to-be on TikTok, and is Getting. Shit. Done. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie is channeling Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is all out of fucks to give, and unleashes her wrath on something that not nearly enough people are angry about: Hammocks. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at www.Article.com/BIBLE Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCH #REVOLVEpartner Jones Road Beauty: Use code BITCHBIBLE to get a free full sized Mascara on your first purchase at www.Jonesroadbeauty.com The Absorption Company: Use code BITCHBIBLE at check out for up to 35% off your first order at www.AbsorbMore.com Pique: Get 10% off for life at www.Piquelife.com/bible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 20 and Jackie is halfway through! But only halfway through… She’s passing the time playing one-way hide and seek, planning the nursery, and groundhogging. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Freestyle: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first 3 months of a Freestyle diaper subscription at www.Freestyle.world/BIBLE Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie sits down with Southern Charm's Craig Conover to talk about appropriate drinks to order on a date, the Destiny’s Child dynamic in a relationship, and his new book Patch Work: Bee Brave. Bee Kind. Bee You. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: OSEA: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your first order at www.OSEAMalibu.com Boll & Branch: Use code bitchbible to get 15% % off site-wide at www.BollAndBranch.com/bitchbible SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at www.skims.com/bible ZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLE Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 16 and Jackie is feeling joyful and light, and finds herself understanding Phaedra Parks, eating an alarming amount of Red 40, and planning her future best selling pregnancy book. Thanks for supporting this week’s sponsor: Momcozy: Use code BIBLE to get 10% off at www.Momcozy.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie is holed up with her pistol packing housekeeper and discusses Andrew’s sloth-like response time in emergencies, her recent ingestion of a canine anti-fungal, and the value of strength in stillness. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Revolve: Use code BITCH for 15% off your first order at www.Revolve.com/BITCH SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces at www.skims.com/bible ZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLE Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 14 and Jackie has turned a corner. She’s having a blast being her best bitchiest self, enjoying forbidden sushi, and letting everything hang out. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Vinted: Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie is fresh off a trip to Ojai and discusses the hellscape of hotel children’s pools, Blake Lively’s cake baking, and the gift of an awkward birthday text message. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Skylight Frames: Get $30 off your 15-inch calendar by going to www.MySkylight.com/BITCHBIBLE The Absorption Company: Use code BITCHBIBLE at check out for up to 35% off your first order at www.AbsorbMore.com Jack Archer: Use code GETJACK to get 15% off your first order at www.JackArcher.com Article: Get $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more at www.Article.com/BIBLE Tonal: Use code BIBLE to get $200 off your Tonal purchase at www.Tonal.com ZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie accidentally ingests aluminum foil, has a come to Jesus moment over a 1 star review, has another psychotic break about why she can't get guests and deep dives Jen Shah's counterfeit bags. Thanks for supporting my sponsors: Little Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLE Nutrafol: Use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.com Quince: Get free shipping and 365-day returns at www.Quince.com/BITCHBIBLE SKIMS: Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of my favorite pieces, at https://skims.com/bible ZBiotics: Use code BITCHBIBLE for 15% your first order at www.ZBiotics.com/BITCHBIBLE See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 12 and Jackie is coming out of the woods of her first trimester, finally enjoying food again, and ready for a gender reveal. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Welcome to the Second Annual Jackie Schimmel Bitch Bible Spectacular 2026 List of Things I F****** Hate, in honor of her birthday. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

It's week 10. Jackie is in the depths of despair while fighting off a cold and she has a few words for the keyboard Kelseys. Thank you for supporting my sponsors: MomCozy: Get 20% off with code BIBLE at www.MomCozy.com Pique: Get 20% off FOR LIFE, and a complimentary gift at www.PiqueLife.com/Bible See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie is joined by Stassi Schroeder to talk all about her #1 hit show, House of Stassi , the do's and don'ts of holiday home decor, and how to be a star. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 8. Lights are dim, nausea closing in... Jackie stares into the abyss as she recalls the homemade remedies she took to ensure Clyde's younger sibling matches the wallpaper she already bought. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie has a harrowing near death experience with her geriatric grandmother, tackles climate change and recaps the latest pop culture happenings. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

It is week 7 and the symptoms are symptoming. The future demon seed is the size of a blueberry and driving Jackie into the arms of a Wetzels Pretzels whilst spiraling over a non FDA approved DIY Amazon gender test. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie sits down with tv host Nina Parker to discuss their days together in Entertainment TV, why Jackie hates check-ins, and Clyde's alien abduction story. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Week 6 and Jackie is in limbo. Things are starting to get real, but she can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy yet. Except everyone at her local Italian Deli, of course. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .

Jackie is getting back to her economy roots and discusses a confrontation at Nordstrom Rack, manipulating pregnancy in her favor, and the joy of Ashley Judd’s Instagram. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info .