Still Here: Blessed & Bruised

In this special episode of Still Here: Blessed and Bruised, Lynda and Jon welcome Andrea Warnick for a captivating and deeply meaningful conversation about grief, children, honesty, and the importance of keeping our relationships with those who have died alive through stories and memories. Andrea explains that while people are usually well-intentioned when responding to grief, they are often misguided. Despite growing research, awareness, and resources, she believes we are still living in a “death-phobic, grief-illiterate society.” One of Andrea’s most powerful messages is that children need honesty. Their understanding often exceeds their ability to put what they are thinking and feeling into words. When adults avoid conversations about death or leave out information in an effort to protect them, children fill in the blanks themselves, and what they imagine may be far more frightening or inaccurate than the truth. Andrea talks about the importance of giving children clear language around death and grief, including the simple explanation that when someone dies, their body and head has stopped working and will never work again, and that the death was not their fault. And for families who didn’t have these conversations when a child was young, Andrea offers an important reminder: it is never too late to begin. The conversation becomes especially personal when Andrea talks with Jon about losing his mother when he was only three years old. Part of Jon’s grief is not only that his mother died, but that he has no stories about or memories of her. Andrea challenges the idea that grief is something we eventually “get over.” Instead, grief continues to be part of our lives, sometimes resurfacing through triggers or “grief bursts.” Joy and sorrow can coexist, and Andrea suggests that rather than thinking of ourselves as balancing joy and sorrow, juggling them is a much more accurate way to describe how we move through life with both. She also emphasizes the power of telling stories about the people who have died. Death ends a life, but it does not have to end a relationship. We can continue that connection through memories, stories, conversations, and the ways that person remains part of who we are. Perhaps one of the most profound messages from the conversation is Andrea’s reminder: When we do the grief work, we make more space for the joy. And another beautiful expression captures why remembering and speaking about those who have died matters so much: “Mention my child’s name and I’ll cry. Don’t mention my child’s name and you’ll break my heart.” An honest, hopeful, and incredibly informative conversation about making room for both grief and joy and giving ourselves and our children the language to talk about both.

In this episode, Lynda and Jon imagine how profoundly different their childhood experiences of grief might have been if today’s social media, technology, online resources and constant ability to connect had existed when they were children. For Lynda, social media might have meant feeling far less alone after the plane crash that killed her mother and two sisters. Beyond her immediate family and friends, she had no way of knowing how many people had been affected by the tragedy or how many strangers were grieving alongside her. She imagines the messages, comments and outpouring of support that might have surrounded her and her dad, something that could have felt like a huge warm hug at a time when both of them desperately needed one. Jon reflects on how technology might have changed his experience as well. His father could have searched for information about childhood grief, found resources to help him understand what his children were going through, and perhaps found support for himself. And for Jon, there is something even more personal: today, we record so much of our lives. Had smartphones existed then, he might have videos and recordings of his mother. He might know the sound of her voice, the way she laughed, how she moved, what she liked and disliked, and pieces of her personality that are simply unavailable to him now. Lynda also reflects on how differently Air Canada might have responded to her and her father if their treatment of grieving families had unfolded in a world where everyone was watching and experiences could be shared publicly. Technology might also have helped the families affected by the crash find one another instead of some of them meeting for the first time approximately 40 years later. Lynda and Jon ask whether society has truly come a long way in understanding grief. Their answer is yes, there are far more resources, conversations and opportunities for connection today, but there is still so much more to learn. Grief is deeply personal, and there is no single way to experience it. Perhaps the most important takeaway from this conversation is also the simplest: no matter how young or old someone is, they very likely still want to talk about the person who died. They want opportunities to share their memories and their feelings. And most of all, they want to know that the person they loved has not been forgotten, and will not be forgotten.

Some advice stays with us from the moment we hear it. Other advice takes years and a whole lot of life experience before we finally understand what it really means. In this episode, Lynda and Jon talk about the advice they heard when they were younger: what they listened to, what they ignored, and what they had to grow into. They explore what it really means to have peace of mind, go with the flow, live in the moment, stop sweating the small stuff, and focus on what matters most. But more importantly, they talk about how to actually put those ideas into practice. Life is filled with ordinary things - chores, obligations, rushing around, work and endless to-do lists. Lynda and Jon talk about changing the lens through which we see those things, finding gratitude in the ordinary, making room for what brings us joy, and not robbing ourselves of the opportunity to appreciate the life we're living. They also talk about the power of the people we surround ourselves with, the words we choose, and finding even the smallest bit of light when life feels dark. Because so much of life is ordinary and learning to appreciate the ordinary may be one of the most important lessons of all.

In the first episode of Still Here: Blessed and Bruised, lifelong friends Lynda and Jon share why these words - still here, blessed and bruised - describe their lives so perfectly. Both experienced profound loss and tragedy as children, long before they had the tools to understand what had happened or how it would shape them. They were left still here, and somehow had to figure out what came next. Now, almost 70 years later, they can look back and see both the bruises they still carry and the incredible blessings that have filled their lives. Those early experiences shaped them, but they did not define what their lives would become. Along the way, they made choices about how they wanted to live, what they could learn from what happened to them, and how they could use their experiences to make a difference in the lives of others. Lynda and Jon talk about where they came from, the paths they chose, and why it’s possible to carry your bruises while still recognizing just how blessed you are. Because life goes on. And when you’re the one who is still here , you get to decide what you’re going to do with it.