Conversations with Jane Newman

Are You Listening to Respond or to Understand? When someone we care about shares something difficult, our instinct can be to help. We want to solve the problem, offer a perspective, ask the right questions or help them find a way forward. But what if they aren't asking us to fix anything? In this episode, Kass reflects on a conversation with a friend where her desire to help led her to overstep. The situation was repaired, but it prompted her to reflect on her role in the conversation and why she so quickly moves into "fixing mode". Jane and Kass explore what can happen when we assume someone wants their problem solved, when they may simply want to be heard. In this episode, we explore: - Why we can be so quick to move into fixing mode - The difference between helping and solving - How our role can change depending on the relationship and situation - Why not everyone wants their problem solved - The importance of listening before offering advice or questions - How our own learned patterns can influence the way we respond - What it means to listen with curiosity - How we can recognise when someone may simply need a friendly ear - Why listening is a skill that can be practised and developed Kass also reflects on her tendency to want to bring what she has learned into conversations with other people. Jane explores how having more knowledge and skills can sometimes make us even more eager to help, while the person we're talking to may not have asked for that help. The conversation comes back to a simple but powerful question: Am I listening to truly hear, or am I listening to respond? Jane shares that she has had to intentionally practise this herself, moving away from listening in order to respond, ask the next clever question or demonstrate what she knows, towards simply listening with curiosity. The episode is a reminder that sometimes the most helpful thing we can offer someone isn't a solution. It is our attention, our curiosity and the space to be heard.

Life can feel full very quickly. Work, parenting, relationships, health, family, friendships and all the other roles we carry can leave us trying to be everything to everyone. In this episode, Jane and Kass explore what it means to be present and intentional, particularly when life feels busy. They begin with their regular Celebrate, Challenge and Support check-in, where Kass reflects on a recent comment that she wasn't always as present as she could be. Rather than dismissing it or becoming defensive, she considers it information and starts thinking about what she might want to do differently. That leads into a bigger conversation about how we can create more intentional moments of presence in our everyday lives. In this episode, we explore: - What being present actually means when life is busy - The many roles we carry and the pressure to do them all well - Why we can't be everywhere and everything for everyone - The importance of being intentional about where we put our time and energy - Creating small, protected moments for connection - Why looking after ourselves isn't selfish - How taking time for ourselves can help us be more present with the people we love - What it means to receive feedback as information rather than immediately becoming defensive - How we can recognise when we need some time and space to regroup Jane shares examples of the small, intentional moments she creates with her family, including phone-free family meals, playing cards and dedicated “eclair Friday’ time with her youngest son. She also talks about intentionally protecting time around important relationships and celebrations. A key part of the conversation is the idea that we don't have to get presence right all the time. We are human, we have limited time, and sometimes not being present is simply information that we may need a break or some space. The conversation finishes with a reminder, particularly for those approaching a busy end of term, to take some time to be present with themselves too.

In this episode, Jane and Kass explore what sits beneath the behaviour we see and what can change when we become curious rather than immediately reacting. They begin with a simple check in around celebration, challenge and support, a practice Jane uses in her workshops, meetings and everyday life. They explore how recognising a challenge can help us consider what support might actually be useful, rather than automatically trying to fix the problem. The conversation then turns to one of Kass's early aha moments from learning alongside Jane: all behaviour is purposeful. Jane and Kass explore: • How behaviour can be a form of communication • What might be underneath behaviour that we find difficult or unhelpful • Why behaviour is not necessarily about us • How tiredness, hunger and overwhelm can influence our behaviour • What can change when we become curious about what is happening underneath a reaction • How this applies to children, adults and our own behaviour • The difference between receiving information and reacting to it • How we can consider who we want to be in the moment Kass shares a real life parenting moment when her daughter called her a "grumpy mum". Rather than becoming defensive, Kass was able to stop and consider what information she was receiving and recognise what was happening for her in that moment.

In this introductory episode, meet your hosts, Jane Newman and Kass Weaver, and discover the heart behind the podcast.