Free Therapy with Ben & Kevin

This week is about what actually makes a man attractive today, why vulnerability is the real glue in any relationship, and how to stop taking your partner's feedback as criticism. Aliza Shapiro is the therapist behind @therapist_in_nyc, and she has an incredible read on how relationships actually work right now. She breaks down the three traits women consistently find magnetic, and makes the case that holding it together isn't strength, opening up is. If you've ever held something back from your partner because you thought it would make you look weak, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 Intro 05:28 Attraction goes beyond financial success 15:30 Feedback can feel like criticism 25:57 Expressing needs without assigning blame 36:06 Feeling heard without fixing everything 43:40 Opening up and repairing connection See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about inner-child work, the patterns we carry from childhood, and how our past can continue to shape the way we think, feel, and behave as adults. Our guest is Kati Morton, a licensed therapist, author, and educator who has millions of followers online. She joins us to break down what inner-child work actually means, why certain patterns can be so difficult to change, and how understanding where they came from can help us respond differently in the present. We get into how our childhood experiences create an emotional blueprint for relationships, conflict, asking for help, and even how we see ourselves. Kati explains why we can know intellectually that a behavior isn't serving us and still find ourselves repeating it—and what we can actually do about it. We also talk about emotional triggers, boundaries, people-pleasing, and the difference between understanding your past and using it as an excuse. If you've ever wondered why you react the way you do, why you keep repeating the same patterns, or how much of your adult life is still being shaped by your childhood, this episode is for you. New episodes every Thursday. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For this special bonus episode, Ben shares his experience volunteering at Experience Camps, a free nonprofit camp for kids ages 9–18 who have lost someone they love. After spending a week alongside these kids, Ben talks with Kevin about what he learned about grief, healing, connection, and finding joy even in the middle of loss. To learn more visit www.experiencecamps.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about relationships, how to know if someone is actually right for you, and whether you're being too picky or holding out for what you really want. Our guest is Beverly Teller, Ben's mom, a longtime therapist, and one of the most requested guests we've had on the show. She's also been giving Kevin “free therapy” around the dinner table for years. We get into what makes a relationship right for you, what you should and shouldn't compromise on, and how to tell the difference between having standards and protecting yourself from getting hurt. Kevin opens up about what he was looking for in a partner, the pressure he put on himself to become “good enough,” and what dating taught him about himself. We also talk about healthy conflict, why relationships don't need to be free of disagreement, and how to know when you're fighting to be right instead of trying to understand each other. If you've ever wondered whether you're settling, asking for too much, or just afraid to take the risk, this episode is for you. New episodes every Thursday. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 Intro to Ben's mom 10:30 Are you in the right relationship? 17:32 Am I being too picky? 23:02 What should I look for in a partner? 32:15 What is holding Kevin back? 44:56 Secret to a lasting marriage 45:30 Why commitment can feel scary See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about what happens when you finally stop trying to be okay with what happened to you. Ben sits down with his former therapist, Jessica Serber, who helped him work through years of grief and anger after surviving cancer three times before the age of 24. For a long time, Ben thought healing meant moving on, staying positive, and building a life that had nothing to do with cancer. What he eventually learned was almost the opposite: he couldn’t move through the pain until he let himself actually feel it. They talk about the anger Ben didn’t think he was allowed to have, the parts of his life he felt cancer had taken from him, and how finally telling the truth about those feelings changed his relationship with the experience. They also get into what healing actually looks like when the thing that happened to you never completely goes away, and how to show up for someone you love when there’s nothing you can say to make things better. We’ve been best friends since college. We lived in the same house while Ben was going through chemotherapy and still barely talked about what was actually happening. Years later, sitting down with Jess brought us back to conversations we didn’t know how to have then. If you’ve been carrying pain, anger, grief, or something you’ve convinced yourself you should be “over” by now, this episode is for you. You can’t heal what you won’t let yourself feel. New episodes every Thursday. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 Reuniting with his old therapist 10:00 Allowed to feel his anger 17:51 Seeing his cancer as trophies 28:09 What to say when someone's struggling 35:28 Getting uncomfortable to heal 42:24 Grief camp and giving back See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week, Sandra Kushnir is talking about values, why living out of sync with them quietly chips away at your self-esteem, and how to figure out what yours even are. Our guest is Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, a therapist and the founder of Meridian Counseling, and she gets into where values actually come from, why they matter so much for your mental health, and how to find yours underneath all the noise telling you what you 'should' want. We have both spent way too long measuring our worth against people online and against a version of success we never really chose. Recording this sent us back to values work we had done years ago and mostly forgotten, and it turned out we had drifted further from ours than we wanted to admit. If you have everything you were told to want, and still feel a little off, this one is for you. New episodes every Thursday. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week's episode is about sex, women's biggest complaints about men in the bedroom and what men get wrong about sex. Rachel Overvoll is a sex expert trained at the Kinsey Institute, and this was on of our most fun episodes we've recorded yet. We get into the biggest turn-offs women won't say to your face, what pleasure means for two people, and why guys have it all wrong in the bedroom. She makes the case that the best sex happens when both people are being a little selfish, and completely dismantles the myths most men have been carrying since they were teenagers. If you've ever wondered whether you're actually good in bed, or you just want to be better for your partner, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:03:34 – Every Guy Experiences The Same Thing 00:12:28 – Mandatory Book To Read For Men 00:19:42 – Women's Biggest Complaints in The Bedroom 00:28:29 – Penis Size Myth 00:32:31 – What Women Wish Men Knew About Sex 43:08 -- Conversation About Porn See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week's episode is about male friendships, why it's so hard for guys to make real friends as adults, and why men opening up to each other is so tough. Our guest is Seth Menachem, a therapist here in LA who runs the Menachem Psychotherapy Group. By the time we were done, we felt like we had made a new best friend. We went deep into into why so many men are lonelier than ever and one small move that can shift an entire friend group. If you've got buddies, but no one you can call at 2am, or are looking to go deeper in your friend circle, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:02:31 – Why Men Struggle To Be Vulnerable 00:11:28 – The Secret To Making Friends 00:16:26 – What To Do When Your Triggered 00:26:30 – Why Curiosity Is Important 36:30 -- Why Opening Up Is Tougher Than Staying Silent See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When times are hard, we look for wisdom to get us through those moments. Whether it's an author, a poet, or a world leader, there are lifetimes of experience we can look back on to find a little solace. This week, no therapist, just Ben & Kevin sitting down to share the wisdom that feels like therapy to them. The quotes, the mantras, and the lines they come back to when everything feels like too much. They shared lines from Steve Jobs, Ram Dass, Brene Brown, Seneca, Young Pueblo & others as well. If you've ever needed something to hold onto when things get hard, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:06:29 – How to Dance Through Life 00:09:00 – Trusting That It Will Work Out 00:13:00 – Everyone Wants To Be Loved 00:22:30 – What is authenticity 00:29:20 – Sayings Ben Thinks Are Bullshit See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about anxiety and rumination, and why trying to get rid of your anxiety is exactly what keeps it going. Kimberley Quinlan is an amazing therapist who specializes in anxiety and rumination. In this episode she gets into why a thought is not a fact, why avoidance quietly shrinks your entire life, and what she actually does at 3am when her brain won't turn off. It is not what you'd expect!! We found out during this episode that we've been feeding our anxiety for years without realizing it. She pointed out all the little ways we treat anxious thoughts like they're important, and why attention control is the key to retraining your brain out of the spiral. If you're the one lying awake at 2am running the same loop, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:02:24 – Why You Can't Get Rid of Anxiety 00:09:32 – A Thought Is Not a Fact 00:15:10 – Why We Ruminate 00:22:12 – Avoidance and Doing It Scared 00:24:55 – The 2AM Spiral See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our guest this week is my former therapist, Koorosh Rassekh! We talk about where people-pleasing actually comes from, why it isn't a flaw you need to fix but something that once kept you safe, and the techniques that actually make hard conversations easier. For most of my life I thought keeping the peace made me a better friend, partner, and person. I'd suppress my needs, avoid the conversations I was dreading, and tell myself I was just being easygoing. But it actually just built quiet resentment and slowly ruined my relationships. If you say yes when you mean no, or you've been sitting on a conversation for months because you're afraid of how it'll land, this one's for you. – Kevin New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 Intro: people-pleasing and conflict avoidance 6:59 Why you're not broken 9:47 Why expressing needs feels impossible 13:16 People-pleasing caught in real time 24:58 How to have hard conversations 41:08 Signs you're people-pleasing, and the cost See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week is about attachment styles and how to rewrite the one you grew up with. Someone takes three hours to text back and you start spiraling. Or things finally start to get good and you start pulling away for absolutely no reason. It isn't random and it isn't a character flaw. It's your attachment style, and most of us were never taught we had one. Today, we sit down with German psychologist Jenny Meinen, who studied attachment theory. We get into where these patterns come from, why anxious and avoidant people keep finding each other, and why the work underneath all of it is self-worth. Jenny breaks down what a secure conversation actually sounds like out loud, why the repair after a fight matters more than the fight, and the line Kevin is still trying to live by: their mood is not a threat to me, and I'm not responsible for other people's emotions. If you've ever needed reassurance you were too embarrassed to ask for, or gone cold the second things got real, this one's for you. You'll probably know your style before the guest even shows up. Also, a reminder that we are not therapists, and if you are really struggling, to get the support you need <3 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Someone you love is grieving and you have no idea what to say. So you say nothing, and that's the one thing you shouldn't do. Grief therapist and author Claire Bidwell Smith has sat with thousands of people through loss and written five books on grief. With Father's Day approaching, Ben opens up about losing his dad Mickey three years ago. Claire breaks down how to actually show up for someone who's grieving, why anxiety after loss is something nobody talks about, and how conscious grieving can give you the tools to heal. If you've ever lost someone you love, or you love someone who has, we think Claire can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every guy is carrying a list of things he'd never say out loud. How often he's embarrassed in bed. What makes him feel like less of a man. The stuff he pretends to have figured out and absolutely doesn't. This week there's no therapist. Just Ben and Kevin. Their producer handed them the questions most men would lie about and dared them to answer honestly. They get into performance anxiety and the trap of staying stuck in your own head, the moment money makes you feel like less of a man, the version of yourself you've already mourned, and the gap between chasing status and feeling like enough. It turns out the more you say this stuff out loud, the less alone it makes you feel. If you spend way too much time in your head, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeart, watch on YouTube, and follow @freetherapy on Instagram. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You did everything you were supposed to do. The job, the friends, the life. So why does something still feel off? Happiness expert Dr. Danielle Taillieu explains why chasing happiness might be the exact thing keeping you from it. We get into the feelings you were never allowed to have, why you can be surrounded by people and still beat yourself up the second you're alone, the comparison trap that quietly wrecks you, and what the research actually says about a life well lived. If you've ever caught yourself asking why am I not happy, we think Danielle can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. 1:02 - Why We Suppress Our Anger 4:48 - Why Happiness is Hard 7:57 - Research on Happiness 11:11 - Accept the Challenging Emotions 23:48 - How Comparison Destroys Happiness 29:33 - Will Love Make You Happy? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week we sit down with therapist Leah Miller to talk about the TikTok-ification of mental health and why it might be doing more harm than good. The pendulum has swung. Mental health is finally mainstream, which is great, except now everyone is self-diagnosing from 30-second videos and walking away convinced something is deeply wrong with them. We get into the words that are suddenly everywhere (narcissism, gaslighting, trauma dumping), what they actually mean clinically, and how they're being used in ways that are making people worse, not better. Leah explains the algorithm trap that turns one curious scroll into five days of doom content, the difference between being sad and being depressed, and why "asking for what you need" is not the same as being a narcissist. She also gets into the bigger idea underneath all of it: the human experience can't be captured in a soundbite. Most of what you think is wrong with you isn't a disorder. It's just being a person. If you've ever spiraled after a mental health TikTok and walked away convinced something was broken in you, this one's for you. Leah is one of those therapists who can take the most over-used buzzword on the internet and hand you back the actual meaning in a way that feels like a deep breath. 01:16 &mdash; Mental Health is Mainstream 03:50 &mdash; Stop Overdiagnosing Yourself 06:21 &mdash; The Algorithm Keeps You Spiraling 12:00 &mdash; Deconstructing Viral Mental Health Myths 16:38 &mdash; Your Quirks Aren&rsquo;t Mental Illness 22:00 &mdash; You're Not Incurable. You're Human. 28:28 &mdash; "Trauma Dumping" is a Problematic Term 36:50 &mdash; Trauma: Big T vs. Little T 41:00 &mdash; What "Holding Space" Means See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most men are walking around with a totally wrong idea of what women actually want. Height, money, abs. Turns out the bar is somewhere else entirely. The rules have quietly shifted in a way a lot of guys haven't caught up to yet. This week we sit down with Dr. Sarah Oreck, a psychiatrist who treats mostly women and has a front row seat to what they're actually dealing with in dating, relationships, and life. We get into why "boyfriends are embarrassing" right now, what safety actually means to a woman, the type you swear is yours until you meet someone who isn't, and why doing the work on yourself beats finding someone to fill the hole. We also talk about the incel pipeline, what's broken about how guys connect with each other, and the one thing Sarah thinks would change more men's lives than any app, hack, or supplement. If you've ever felt like the dating world is rigged against you, or quietly suspected you might be getting in your own way, this one's for you. Sarah's the kind of voice you want in your corner. 0:00 &mdash; Sarah's honest take on men today 2:24 &mdash; The masculinity problem right now 6:17 &mdash; Are you confident or arrogant? 7:21 &mdash; Being strong and vulnerable at once 17:25 &mdash; Porn vs. intimacy explained 19:13 &mdash; What "feeling safe" really means 20:24 &mdash; Are boyfriends embarrassing right now? 24:43 &mdash; What if "your type" is wrong? 29:41 &mdash; Stop looking for your other half 33:49 &mdash; How to be vulnerable with friends See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dating is hard. But when you have your life together, somehow, it gets harder. Therapist Dani Lewin explains why, and what to actually do about it. She gets into why dating gets more complicated the older and more established you become, what your checklist is actually telling you, and how to rethink what "settling" really means. We also talk about non-negotiables, the ick, and what women actually find emotionally attractive in men. If the relationship piece feels like the one thing you can't solve, we think Dani can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it&rsquo;s not. So if you&rsquo;re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 &ndash; Why dating feels impossible 2:13 &ndash; Love is a merger, not a startup 5:10 &ndash; How to find your real non-negotiables 9:14 &ndash; The ick is actually about you 12:03 &ndash; The operating system you should break 19:44 &ndash; You're not settling, you're choosing 25:25 &ndash; Masculinity and strength relationships 33:28 &ndash; Should relationships feel &lsquo;good&rsquo;? 37:44 &ndash; Why you're addicted to highs and lows 41:36 &ndash; What Ben & Kevin need to work on See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, we dig into family dynamics and why the people closest to us are the ones who trigger us the most. Therapist Alexa Silvaggio explains what's really going on, and how to start breaking out of those cycles. She uses parts work, or Internal Family Systems (IFS), to help you meet the younger versions of yourself that are still quietly running your adult life. We get into people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and why setting boundaries with the people you love is so hard. If there are patterns you keep trying to change but can't figure out why they stick, we think Alexa can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it&rsquo;s not. So if you&rsquo;re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 &ndash; Why family triggers us the most 6:58 &ndash; What to do when you're triggered 10:51 &ndash; Internal Family Systems explained 13:58 &ndash; Kevin's live parts work session 20:16 &ndash; Different types of parts 29:07 &ndash; Stop fighting your own mind 33:29 &ndash; Your problems are the curriculum 45:53 &ndash; Setting boundaries without walls See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Introducing Free Therapy. We're Ben and Kevin. Best friends of 15 years. Every week, we sit down with a different expert therapist to unpack the stuff most guys struggle with but nobody says out loud. Dating. Relationships. Modern masculinity. Career and purpose. Family. Self-worth. We're going to uncover what it looks like to be a strong, loving, successful, empathetic, and masculine man in today's world. Because the current playbook is absolute trash (cc: manosphere). We're not experts. We're just two very curious, slightly unhinged guys who can label our feelings (most of the time). This show is for men trying to figure out life, women trying to figure out men, and anyone who wants more of the real stuff. The world needs free therapy <3 New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on IG at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it&rsquo;s not. So if you&rsquo;re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 &ndash; Why the world needs free therapy 2:02 &ndash; Meet Ben 5:47 &ndash; Meet Kevin 11:31 &ndash; How Free Therapy was born 17:20 &ndash; Being a man today 18:39 &ndash; The biggest thing therapy taught us 23:18 &ndash; Our hope for the podcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.