Erotic Reclamation

What happens when a man who spent his whole life being the calm, steady, safe one discovers there's a part of himself he's been burying, the part that has desires, that wants to ravish, that doesn’t want to be so careful? In this episode, we sit down with Dennis Hull — former Fortune 50 corporate director, grounding and confidence coach, and tantra practitioner — to talk about the skills necessary for deep intimacy, especially from a masculine perspective: - Being able to take rejection as invitation to look in the mirror, rather than personal criticism - The important distinction between desire and expectation that holds space for possibility and mystery How some men's work teaches strategy and manipulation, rather than authenticity - What surrendering and receiving requires from someone who's wired to give and protect - The ways men judge themselves for having emotions, and how Stoicism has been misunderstood Finally, Dennis shares the moment his suppressed primal energy finally appeared after a lifetime of keeping it locked down, and the counterintuitive path he found to making his primal masculine energy more relational — through his feminine qualities. If you want to learn more about Dennis Hull and his work, you can do so here: Website: dennishull.com Instagram: @itsdennishull Email: dennis@dennishull.com *** The Temple of Yes ~ October, 2026 Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – Meet Dennis Hull: Grounding & confidence coach, voice actor, and tantra practitioner 7:51 – Dennis’s definition of tantra: weaving. It’s about coming back to a sense of wholeness, applying spiritual consciousness to “real life” 11:25 – Relationships are mirrors, and learning to tell the difference between what's yours to own and what isn't 14:04 – Speaking a desire is one thing, but being able to actually receive it when someone says yes is a completely different skill 18:45 – Many men learn to “play the game” of seduction or polarity, when what we need to learn is how to do the dance with authenticity 23:08 – The art of being rejected: understanding it’s an opportunity to reflect, but not a verdict on your worth 27:51 – Desire and expectation are not the same thing — and expectation actually limits what's possible between two people 34:28 – Dennis's erotic reclamation: realizing that the primal, ravenous, powerful part of him wasn’t gone, just buried 42:05 – The counterintuitive path to primal masculine energy: slow down, attune more, and invest in your feminine qualities 49:45 – Sometimes a man just wants to be nurtured, and accepting these different feelings and cravings is part of the process 54:00 – "I cannot help you deal with emotions you keep judging yourself for having" — on feelings, shame, and what stoicism actually means 56:17 – Dennis reads an original poem about desire, connection, and co-creation *** Podcasts to watch next: The Bedroom is the Dojo https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-bedroom-is-the-dojo What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sex The Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

If you ever feel like you have to contort yourself, mold yourself, people-please or perform to be loved, this one is for you. When we believe love requires this of us, we get really good at compromising ourselves, our needs, our values, and our desires, while prioritizing those of others. But the more you do that, the less of you that you are revealing to your partner. So even when someone is in front of you, wanting to love you, fully choosing you, they can't actually meet you. They can't love you well, because they don’t really know you. They know some masked, performed, contorted version of you. In this solo episode, Nicholette gets honest about the pattern that shaped most of her relationships: self-abandonment disguised as love. She shares how she broke that cycle, what happened when she finally stopped filtering her desires through other people's eyes, and how meeting herself first is what made it possible to build a relationship where she's fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. *** LOVING WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself If you’re ready to gain the clarity and sovereignty that will help you build the relationship of your dreams, but could use some guidance, sign up for the Loving Without Losing Yourself workshop. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 13th at 11am PT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 2 hours, Nicholette will help you to turn your focus away from What are they going to do? and back toward What is true for me? Through solo journaling and embodiment practices, you’ll: - Identify what nourishes you and what drains you in relationship, sex and intimacy. - Explore what you’re consciously willing to give up, and what costs too much to compromise on.- Touch the fear, shame, anger, loneliness or hurt that can make it difficult to own what you want. - Practice claiming a desire, need or boundary for yourself without dimming it. It’s $49 per person, but you’ll find a 50% discount code at the end of the episode ;). Find all the deets here: https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – The pattern of minimizing your needs out of fear of abandonment. 1:49 – What self-abandonment looks like in relationships (because it can be subtle) 5:21 – Nicholette’s personal story: she had all the relational “skills”, but none of them were helpful because she wasn’t being honest about what she really wanted and needed. 7:14 – If you find it hard to ask for what you want, look at the feelings underneath. 11:03 – Before anyone can meet you, you have to know what "met" even means for you 12:28 – What two people can co-create when neither one is willing to disappear 14:21 – An invitation (and 50% discount!) for the Loving Without Losing Yourself virtual workshop, where you’ll be guided through the process of meeting yourself, so you can be met the way you desire. https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Three problems that seem unrelated but are actually the same thing: your sex life is on repeat, someone's always complaining about what's missing, and when one of you asks for something different, the other spirals. Underneath all three is the same gap: you don't have a way to bring new desires into your relationship that feels safe, clear, and actually brings you closer. In this solo episode, Kari breaks down why these patterns develop, the subtle shifts that unlock stagnated relationship dynamics, and a framework that makes bringing new desires to your relationship feel fun and connective, rather than scary or like criticism. She also makes the case that this framework isn't just for sex: it works for any moment in a relationship where someone wants to bring something new or vulnerable to their partner. *** DATE NIGHT, REIMINAGINED https://www.karikinkead.com/date-night And if you’re intrigued by this framework but still nervous about trying it, sign up for Kari’s workshop: Date Night, Reimagined. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 12th at 7pm CT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 90 minutes, Kari will not just teach you the framework, but guide you through the process of bringing a new desire to your partner and actually experimenting with it. (We’ll be starting with platonic desires, so you can get comfortable with the process before diving into spicier stuff.) It’s only $29 per couple, and $14 if you’re coming solo, because your partner being out of town (or a daydream), doesn’t mean you don’t want to learn the skills for epic intimacy! Find all the deets here: https://www.karikinkead.com/date-night *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – Three problems in your relationship that are actually the same problem. 1:49 – Why your sex life went on repeat, and the first step to breaking out of the rut. 3:31 – How to turn a complaint into a desire your partner will actually enjoy hearing and can work with. 6:11 – When our partner asking for something different makes us worry we’re not “good enough”, and how to not take new desires personally. 8:02 – The recipe for changing things: new desires are an expectation, not a surprise; you have regularly scheduled convos about new desires; you have a framework for experimenting with new desires. 10:35 – The framework: North Star, shared reality, pre-care, desires, boundaries, aftercare. 17:29 – What the Date Night, Reimagined workshop will be like. 19:05 – This framework isn't just for new intimate desires, it's for anything vulnerable. *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Most people treat sex as something that happens in its own lane: a release, a recreation, separate from the rest of life. But actually, intentionally improving your sex life — learning to claim your desires, hear rejection without collapsing, negotiate disagreements, stay present during intensity, and repair after hurt — improves every other aspect of your life. …because working with erotic energy goes straight to the source. It’s the place where most of us carry the deepest wounds, the most baggage, and the least amount of honesty, and therefore have the most to gain: - When you learn to hold high sensation in your body without shutting down, you can show up when your parent is sick, your kid is melting down, the deal is falling apart. - When you learn to clearly name what you want in bed without apologizing for it, you can more directly go after what you want in life. - When you learn to sit with your partner’s “no” without making it mean something about you, rejection stops being sometimes you’re afraid of and controlled by. In this episode, we break down five specific ways that sex and erotic energy build the capacity for you to show up in the rest of your life with courage, sovereignty, integrity, self-worth, and open-heartedness. *** Temple of Yes: Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we're talking about today: five ways improving your sex life makes the rest of your life better 2:14 — Why sex is the perfect “backdoor” into self-development 5:01 — 1) Desire: how letting yourself want what you actually want (and getting specific about it) empowers you to build a more fulfilling life 10:52 — 2) Vulnerability: the delicious way intimacy trains you to hold high sensation in your body and stay heart-connected when things get intense, so you can show up for the moments and people that matter in your life 19:36 — You're already focused and composed at work, what if you could bring that same mastery into your intimate relationship? 21:04 — 3) Negotiation: navigating yes’s, no’s, and conflicting desires in intimacy, relationship, family dynamics, business, etc, while staying connected to your self-worth and your care for the person in front of you 28:46 — 4) Vitality: how sex helps you build a relationship with your own vitality, and clarifies where in the rest of your life giving and receiving aren’t in balance 38:11 — 5) Freedom: learning to find excitement and possibility within limitation, instead of needing to escape your life, your responsibilities, your loved ones to feel alive 43:27 — Sorting for danger vs sorting for possibility: how reps in the bedroom rewire your mental orientation towards life 49:38 — Join us at The Temple of Yes: an immersive weekend to practice all of this with support and direct feedback *** Podcasts to watch next: I Want Something My Partner Doesn’t… Now What? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/i-want-something-my-partner-doesnt When Intimacy Is Frictiony and You’re Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre The Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

You want something that your partner doesn't. Or maybe they do, but not like that or not right now. Or maybe you don't even know what they think, because you’re convinced they won't like it or won’t agree. And now you're stuck in a gridlock that feels like one or both of you will just have to go along with what the other wants. This episode is about what happens when you stop treating disagreements as a dead end and start treating them as creative potential. We walk through the full process: - how to set up the conversation so it doesn't blow up - how to stay curious about your partner's conflicting feelings - how to find the shared desires underneath the surface disagreements - and finally, how to co-create something neither of you would have imagined alone, which you’re both a “f*ck yes” too We also get into what it was like for the two of us to have a fundamental business conflict, and how with time and vulnerability and compassion, we now feel closer and more trusting than ever. Because the truth is, conflict is one of the deepest intimacy-building experiences a relationship can go through. *** TEMPLE OF YES : Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — You and your partner want different things and you’re feeling stuck. 4:16 — Why this comes up a lot in longterm relationships, and what it takes to show up to the conversation open instead of armed. 6:25 — Step 1: Setting up the conversation. Getting a “yes” to just talk, nervous system regulation for both parties, being unattached to the outcome 12:50 — Letting the conversation itself be a practice and tending of intimacy. 18:54 — Step 2: Opening the conversation. Using the North Star to stay on the same team when it gets hard. 25:36 — How things can go sideways, and ways to break the me vs you dynamic. 27:56 — Step 3: Bringing curiosity to everyone’s desires and boundaries, in order to understand the underlying nourishment each person craves. 31:35 — Why and how to keep the convo going, even if someone is a hard “no” (without trying to coerce them into being a “yes”). 36:17 — Step 4: The process of co-creating a new, shared experience that is service to both of your deeper “yes’s”, while honoring your “no’s”.. 41:27 — Where you can learn and practice this skill in real-time with your partner, or other singles: Temple of Yes (October 2026 in Austin, TX). 42:48 — Don’t skip Step 0: grieve your original fantasy, so you don’t end up accidentally trying to manipulate your partner into going along with what you want. 47:36 — When your partner wants to say “yes” but isn’t fully there, honoring the line between willingness and self-abandonment. 53:42 — How the practice of negotiating desires regularly can transform your relationship on so many levels. 55:54 — Using this process for business negotiations in Erotic Reclamation. 59:02 — Temple of Yes: a space to practice this with support, whether you’re coupled or solo *** Podcasts to listen to next: Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it I Don’t Want to Mess This Up… But I Want More https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/i-dont-want-to-mess-this-up-but-i When Intimacy is Frictiony But You’re Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre Aftercare 101 https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/aftercare-the-antidote-to-feeling *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

It’s a big fat cultural lie that women hit a sexual peak in their 20s or 30s and then decline. The reality for many women post-menopause is the opposite: sovereignty, freedom from giving a f*ck, deeper self-knowledge, and a richer relationship with pleasure. In this episode, we sit down with Lisa LaCroix — ommunication and intimacy muse, and competitive ballroom dancer. She embodies “Erotic High Priestess” and makes the case that that is the missing archetype between Mother and Crone, challenging the idea that post-menopausal women are past their prime. Lisa shares freely about what it was like re-entering the dating scene in her 50s and how she reclaimed her eroticism after motherhood. Intriguingly, she also compares the cultural focus on the “orgasm gap” to the 1980s Power Suit. In her opinion, trying to give women more orgasms is just co-opting the male model of sexuality instead of expanding into what feminine pleasure actually is. Finally, we get into what younger women can learn from this conversation right now. So women of all ages are not going to want to miss this episode! Lisa LaCroix's links: - Coaching & workshops: https://www.lisalacroix.com/ - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Lisa_LaCroix - TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_lacroix - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabl/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SPUPodcast/ ♥️ Temple of Yes Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — Lisa LaCroix on aging, eroticism, and post-menopausal liberation 2:51 — Lisa’s arc: from homeschooling mother to ballroom dancer at 50 to divorce at 52 8:27 — What Lisa wants women in their late 30s and early 40s to know 10:34 — The four pillars of artful aging: optimization, reinvention, rebranding, and gracious acceptance 16:17 — The freedom of post-menopause: you finally aren’t performing 20:24 — The missing archetype: “Maiden, Mother, and Crone” needs an Erotic High Priestess between 50 and 70 25:58 — Nicholette’s journey of stepping into submission in her mid-40s 28:36 — Unveiling self vs. seeking self: discovering what was always there vs frantically looking for what’s missing 34:02 — What women have lost by only knowing male-bodied sexuality, and what becomes possible when feminine pleasure leads 39:03 — What men don’t know about feminine pleasure 44:06 — More orgasms isn’t the answer to women’s sexual liberation 46:03 — Lisa’s experience at the Temple of Yes, and why permission to want what you actually want is so needed and so rare ♥️ Podcasts to listen to next: What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sex Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it What Romantasy Knows About Sex that Most People Don't https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-romantasy-knows-about-sex-that ♥️ Enjoying Erotic Reclamation? Leave a 5-star review to help our message spread! ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love ♥️ Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

You have a desire you haven’t said out loud. Maybe it’s kinky, maybe it’s opening the relationship, maybe it’s something you read in a book about fae or dragons. Whatever it is, you’re terrified your partner will react badly to hearing your desire, so you sit on it… and sit on it… and sit on it, until either you shrink or explode. In this episode, we are happy to give you a third way! A framework for walking the full path between having a desire and bringing it to your partner. First, we start with YOUR work, because there’s a lot you can do solo to clarify and even enjoy your desire. This includes: letting yourself fully feel it, understanding what’s underneath it, and working through any shame you have about wanting it. Then we get into having the conversation, and how to stay connected with your partner throughout so it doesn’t turn into your vs my desires. Finally, we explore the art of negotiation and co-creation, where you and your partner find a version of your fantasy that lights both of you up. We also get into: * Why the first steps of working with a big desire are solo — not with your partner * The difference between a desire, and the nourishment underneath it * How to claim a desire for yourself without needing to act on it * What to do when shame, fear, or past rejection shows up * How to be curious about your partner’s “no” without crossing into coercion * How to embrace the act of co-creating a new, mutual fantasy with your partner And a gentle reminder before you dive in: desiring more doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human! And with the right safety and trust, we bet your partner wants you to be able to experience and enjoy everything your heart yearns for. *** Temple of Yes: Finally! An erotic retreat that's as safe and consensual as it is adventurous! The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today: when you have a desire that feels too risky to bring to your partner. 5:05 — How desire shows up when you’re trying not to feel it: numbing, scrolling, dampening, “everything’s fine”. 8:45 — What happens when you give yourself permission to want something, even something you’d never actually do. 16:05 — Why your body needs to own the desire before you ever bring it your partner. 19:46 — How to work with desires that potentially feel destructive to your relationship: find the deeper nourishment you’re craving under the fantasy. 22:52 — Process your own shame around your desire first, so you can be with your partner’s honest reaction to your desire without collapsing. 25:00 — What claiming your desire for yourself (without your partner) can look like. 26:39 — Don’t skip the solo work! Urgency and repression are the things that makes desire dangerous, not desire itself. 29:07 — The power and manifesting magic of learning to “steep” in your desire. 33:23 — How to set up the conversation before jumping into “this is what I want right now!” 34:17 — The Weather Report: So you and your partner know where you’re actually at, instead of projecting onto each other! 37:10 — If/when you start to have big feelings, how to reveal what you’re feeling instead of lashing out. 41:07 — The North Star: The guiding light for the conversation so you and your partner remember you’re on the same team. 47:19 — Negotiating the desire: what to do when they say yes, how to stay curious when they say no, and and how to co-create something you’re both a f* yes too. (Check on this podcast for more on this topic.) 51:01 — Remember the “yes, and”! It’ll take you so many hot, unexpected places with your partner. 55:58 — Every year we gather to support people claiming their desires, negotiating their boundaries, and co-creating fantasies! Learn more about Temple of Yes here . *** Podcasts to listen to next: When Intimacy is Frictiony and You're Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it Aftercare: The Antidote to Feeling Dropped After Sex https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/aftercare-the-antidote-to-feeling *** Give this podcast 5 stars to help our message spread! *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette *** P.S. This episode is also on YouTube! Find it here: https://www.youtube.com/@EroticReclamation This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Personal improvement is a beautiful goal, but the impulse sometimes comes from a painful place within. It might feel like "I'm broken," or "everyone else has this figured out," or "if I just learn this one more thing, I'll finally feel okay." This becomes perfectionism, people-pleasing, hypervigilance, or the exhausting cycle of self-improvement that never quite makes you feel like you’ve graduated. In this episode, we explore how to recognize this pattern without turning it into another thing to “fix”, and what opens up next. Because once you can see the "I'm broken" story without believing it, it gets easier to share what you’re feeling with your partner. And that honesty — not performing having it all figured out, but admitting to them the real, messy weather of your inner world — is the fertile soil where real intimacy can grow. The brokenness isn't the obstacle to connection, it's the material for it. We also get into: - How "I'm broken" disguises itself as curiosity, growth, and generosity in bed - The difference between moving toward something with curiosity and trying to fix what you think is wrong - How to be aware of a painful story without believing it or fighting it - The weather report: a practical tool for showing up honestly before intimacy - What it looks like to truly accept what is - Why “shared reality”, being on the same page in intimacy, matters more than shared orgasm ♥️ You can also watch this episode as a video! Find it on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@EroticReclamation ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today: When your body feels “off” and the stories start flooding in 2:06 — The self-improvement trap: when growth is secretly powered by "I'm not enough" 5:44 — How "I should be different" shows up in bed: perfectionism, people-pleasing, performance 9:47 — The exhaustion of always trying to “fix” yourself, and what happens when you finally stop 12:19 — "I'm aware that I think I'm broken": how we can create one degree of distance from our stories 14:26 — The part that feels broken is real, but it's not the whole of you. 18:27 — How trying to fix the thought loop just feeds it 21:35 — A tool for creating intimacy with your partner, no matter what you’re feeling: the weather report 28:09 — The kind of talking that generates intimacy and attraction vs. the kind generates a feeling of being roommates 31:32 — The three steps between “I feel off” and “I'm ready to be close to you” 33:45 — Key ingredient of intimate sex that so many miss: shared reality ♥️ Links: Upcoming programs: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erotic.reclamation/ Substack: https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/ ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

There's often a gap between "I want to have sex" and actually being ready for it. You've been at work, with the kids, managing logistics, living in your head — and now you're supposed to just... switch into sexy mode? Most people either skip the warmup entirely or go through the motions of what they think foreplay is supposed to look like. Neither one works very well. Good foreplay is the bridge between where you actually are and where you want to be. But for it to do its job, you have to be honest — about what you're feeling, what you need, and where your body is starting from. That honesty is what turns foreplay from going through the motions into something that actually brings you alive. In this episode, we walk through different entry points using the love languages as a framework: touch that’s attuned to your energy, words that open and expand your heart and body, acts of service that say "I've been thinking about you," and why stating what's off the table tonight can be one of the hottest things you do before sex. We also get into: What to do when foreplay feels like a burden instead of a gift How boundaries can create heat, not just safety “Pre-care", aka what your nervous system needs before it can even register a spark Types of foreplay that don’t involve touch, eye-gazing, or even being in-person Using your voice, tone, and words as foreplay before anyone takes their clothes off ♥️ You can also watch this episode as a video! Find it here on YouTube . ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we're talking about today: foreplay & pre-care 6:00 — Pre-care vs. foreplay: what your nervous system needs before the spark can catch 9:27 — Turn-on doesn't have to start in your genitals 10:50 — Touch as foreplay: the difference between what melts you open and what makes you want to crawl away 14:41 — Foreplay for avoidant people, for whom intense touch or eye contact can be too much 18:00 — Words as foreplay: what you say (and how you say it) can warm both of you up before anyone undresses 25:40 — The words that often relax and open our nervous systems: praise and appreciation 28:13 — When you’re first dating, how words can act as foreplay while keeping the pace slow 30:43 — Quality time as foreplay: dinner, spooning, laughing together (and why female bodies need lots of it) 34:19 — Gifts and treats as foreplay: a glass of wine, chocolate, lingerie, a collar perhaps… 37:39 — Giving lingerie can do double duty: it’s a gift and an affirmation, “I love your body, and want to see it in this” 40:11 — Acts of service as foreplay: washing the sheets, lighting candles, organizing the garage 46:35 — Boundaries can also be foreplay: knowing what's off the table makes it easier to play full out 52:01 — How boundaries can put intimacy BACK on the table, because it doesn’t have to be full-blown sex or nothing at all 58:32 — If foreplay feels like a chore, you've left yourself out of it ♥️ Links: Upcoming programs: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erotic.reclamation/ Substack: https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/ ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Theoretically, the idea of sex sounds great. You're into them, you’re not too tired, it sounds like a fun time. But at the exact same time, your body is tensing, stalling, freezing, clamming up. This yes/no mismatch is so common, but we almost never talk about it. Instead, we generally either push through and perform, or shut down entirely. But there's a third option: learning to be honest about where your body actually is at, while also being honest about what you mentally want. In this episode, we get into what happens when your mind and body are on different pages during sex. As two women who have struggled with orgasm specifically, we unpack how the pressure to achieve orgasm (or deliver orgasm to your partner) collides with a body that has its own history — of trauma, of shame, of disassociation — and might need something completely different in order to actually feel good. Not just to orgasm, but simply to be present, connected, and alive in the experience. We also get into: - Why telling yourself "I should be turned on right now" makes it harder to get there - What it means to have desire without attachment to outcome, and why that's not the same as not caring - How to learn what yes and no actually feel like in your body, outside of sexual situations - What happens when you stop treating arousal as a prerequisite for saying yes - How to start listening to your body's signals without making them mean something is wrong with you ♥️ You can also watch this episode as a video! Find it here on YouTube . ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we're talking about today: when your mind and body are on different pages about sex 1:51 — Why your body defaults to being tense, performative, unfeeling during sex 14:00 — What changes when your goal shifts from "great sex" to "staying present" 15:23 — Why telling yourself you should be turned on makes it harder to get there 18:27 — The wild, delicious world of sex that opens up when you stop focusing on orgasm 32:46 — You can actually be a fuck yes to sex without being aroused, and how to work that gap 38:03 — 'I want sex' means a thousand things, and the more specific you get, the more you'll actually get what you want 43:43 — How shame has infiltrated sex-positive spaces, making us feel like we need to learn better techniques rather than learn how to embrace our bodies 46:40 — Why and how your body signals it might need things to slow down, even when your mind is fully game 48:10 — How and why to learn what yes and no actually feel like in your body ♥️ Links: Upcoming programs: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erotic.reclamation/ Substack: https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/ ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Welcome to the intentional, delicious, warm and fuzzy bridge between intimacy and the rest of your life. Aftercare isn’t just a BDSM thing, it’s a common answer to the question why we can end up feeling empty or dropped or vulnerable after sex… even when the sex was good. In this episode, we break down aftercare into pieces that make it digestible for any couple, and any person (because yes, there is solo aftercare!). We walk through different aftercare styles using the love languages as a framework, from physical touch and quality time to words, treats, and acts of service, and share personal stories of how aftercare has shown up in our own lives, sometimes in surprising ways. So stay tuned for a juicy, mushy, vulnerable convo about: * How to figure out what you need after intimacy * The difference between aftercare that creates connection and aftercare that avoids it * Why your aftercare love language might be different from your everyday one * How aftercare works in solo intimacy, casual dynamics, and long-distance relationships * Aftercare for Doms and tops, because it’s not just the receiving partner! ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals. You can listen to our show on your favorite podcast player, on YouTube , or on Substack . And you can find our programs at EroticReclamation.com ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today: aftercare, aka a bridge back to real life 2:43 — Why knowing there’s a soft landing makes it safer to be vulnerable and deeply connect 12:12 — Debriefing as aftercare: replaying the highlight reel together 17:25 — Physical touch as aftercare (and what to do if your partner isn’t into it) 20:48 — Your aftercare love language might surprise you 30:54 — What solo aftercare can look like, after intimacy with someone who isn’t your partner 33:51 — Words as aftercare: praise, gratitude, and the debrief that doesn’t turn into a fight 37:33 — Self aftercare: writing, prayer, and giving your post-intimacy energy somewhere to go 39:53 — Treats and gifts as aftercare: snacks and tea!! 43:52 — Acts of service as aftercare: washing, resetting, tending to each other 48:24 — When aftercare becomes a way to control intimacy instead of deepen it 52:34 — How aftercare can be integrated into a relationship 53:32 — What are your tenderest parts asking for after you’ve been that open? 58:18 — Aftercare doesn’t have to end when you leave, it can involve checking in days later ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

This one is for the HSPs, empaths, energetic erotic blueprints, and anyone who feels things they don’t understand… In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on a form of intimacy that doesn’t require touch, nudity, or even proximity. We share how energy shows up in our bodies, our relationships, and our sex lives — from involuntary shivers to full-body ecstasy just because of how our partner is breathing in another room. Specifically, we get into: * What energetic sex actually is and how it shows up in the body * The difference between energetic merging and energetic exchange * Energetic sex as foreplay, as the main event, or anywhere in between * How to start exploring energetic sex — solo or with a partner * Energetic boundaries, integrity, consent, and sovereignty, because when energy is involved, things can be mushy… Whether you’re already energy-curious or deeply skeptical, this conversation offers a grounded, personal, and surprisingly practical look at what becomes possible when you stop limiting sex to what’s physical. ** Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode! ** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we're talking about today: energetic sex 3:48 — Why a stranger’s look can make your skin crawl, or light you up 11:10 — A simple way to start feeling energy with your own hands 13:48 — When all you can feel during sex is “good” or “bad”, and how to unlock more 19:15 — What if you’re not wet or hard… does that mean you’re not turned on? 24:34 — What energetic sex actually looks like (it can be so subtle, but so delicious!) 26:48 — The shivers and shakes you’ve been holding back might be orgasmic 30:27 — How breath alone can create sexual charge between two people 32:46 — “I was actually having sex and nobody in the room knew it”: energetic boundaries 38:23 — What changes when you practice energy with someone you’re in love with 41:16 — If you feel drained by other people's energy, your boundaries might be wide open 48:06 — For the skeptics: “My eyes were closed, but my body still rose where his hand hovered over me” 51:37 — When your partner’s breath in another room becomes foreplay 53:16 — Why deep intimacy doesn’t require losing yourself in your partner 1:00:09 — What it feels like to reconnect with someone through energy after years apart 1:02:25 — Where to start exploring this — solo, partnered, or skeptical *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it.Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on:- Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more- Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence- Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries- Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners- Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed…Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . With love,Kari & Nicholette *** P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What’s actually going on when your partner says “I don’t feel wanted” and you’re thinking “but I text you every day”? In this episode, we dig into the unspoken assumptions that quietly erode intimacy: the projections from past relationships, the vague desires we expect our partners to decode, and the stories we tell ourselves about what their “no” means about us. We walk through what it actually looks like to move from disconnection to communal revelation: slowing down, getting curious about what’s underneath a desire or a boundary, and co-creating something new (instead of defaulting to compromise, which, in the erotic realm, tends to kill the spark). Along the way, we get honest about our own patterns — from Kari’s defensive “here’s my list of receipts” to Nicholette’s vulnerability about being overstimulated by touch — and demonstrate in real time how curiosity can unlock a new, spicy version of relating that neither person saw coming. Whether you’re navigating a desire your partner doesn’t seem to share, struggling to articulate what you actually need, or wondering why you keep finding yourself saying (or thinking), “I already told you what I want”, this one is full of practical reframes for finding a deeper, more satisfying intimacy. *** Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals. Consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this to help our message spread! *** Chapter Timestamps 1:23 — What we're talking about today: unspoken assumptions as the silent killer of intimacy 2:19 — Reality TV as a mirror: what happens when you project your past onto a new partner 4:06 — "I don't feel wanted": why vague desires leave your partner guessing 6:37 — Getting resourced: calming your nervous system before having an honest conversation 10:11 — Reframes that can return you to each other in moments of conflict and/or misunderstanding 14:01 — The power of getting specific about what you actually want 16:35 — Why compromise is not what we're going for in the erotic realm 17:55 — The alternative: using curiosity to find the shared "why" underneath conflicting desires 20:59 — Live demo: negotiating between two people with different desires for touch 30:18 — The payoff: landing on a new, steamy dynamic neither person expected 33:20— When your partner's boundary feels like rejection (but isn't about you) 37:41 — Coercion disguised as curiosity: the sneaky question trap 41:31 — You don't have to get it right the first time: starting messy and building trust 43:03 — "I need more sex": unpacking what that sentence actually means 50:48 — How to handle the emotions that can come up when your partner brings a new desire or boundary to you 54:42 — How we can help: holding the bigger yes so you can be messy *** If you’re on YouTube , and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here . *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

You’re curled up in bed with your romantasy, your romance novel, your erotica. Your partner is next to you, but you hardly notice. The heat coming off the pages is taking all your attention. But what is it, exactly, that makes these novels so irresistible, and is any of it actually available to you in real life? Yes. ALL of it. In this episode, we break down the recurring elements that make romantasy and romance novels so addictive, while also making the case that they’re not just escapism. They’re the blueprint , showing us what we are craving, and the exact conditions to experience it. Specifically, we get into: * The slow burn: why knowing glances and deliberate restraint build more heat than anything explicit * Hearts of gold: what the “bad boy with a soft center” trope is actually doing to your nervous system * Power dynamics: how difference creates attraction, and how to find it again in a long-term relationship * Edging: what it is, why it works, and how to use it way beyond the bedroom And as a bonus, we unpack the Dominance that these books paint so exquisitely. Because while D/s dynamics may look like control on the surface, for many Doms it’s actually about freeing something in their subs, which the best romance novels understand intuitively. This episode is for the booktok girlies, the befuddled boyfriends, and anyone who wants fairytale romance to exist in real life. (Heads up: there are some internet glitches that cause brief cut-outs during this episode.) *** Erotic Reclamation is where we have honest conversations about sex, kink, relationships that bring you alive, and pleasure that heals. Consider liking, subscribing, and sharing this to help our message spread! *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — Intro: romantasy as a cultural phenomenon and why we're talking about them 1:56 — From grocery store covers to ACOTAR: a brief history of erotic literature and what it's opened up 7:42 — Element 1: The slow burn — sparks, knowing glances, and why restraint builds more heat than anything explicit 15:44 — Protagonists aren't waifs: why powerful women still get swept off their feet (and what that permission gives us) 16:10 — Element 2: Hearts of gold — the bad boy with unexpected depth, and why complexity is the real turn-on 20:50 — High stakes and choosing each other through challenge: how to bring this into a real relationship 24:33 — Element 3: Power dynamics — difference, pedestaling, and the flame that ignites when someone doesn't speak to you from below 31:28 — Rediscovering difference in long-term relationships — and why starting small works better than going dramatic 37:25 — Element 4: Edging — what it is, why it works, and why it's especially powerful for people who can't get out of their heads 44:10 — Creating space and tension on purpose: agreed-upon no-touch windows, countdown texts, and the knowing glance from across the room 50:12 — It's okay to yearn: owning the desire without needing to fix it *** If you’re on YouTube , and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode here . *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What does good Dominance actually look like? In this episode we’re getting into the subtle skills: reading a body in real time, making split-second decisions when a scene doesn’t go as planned, and knowing how to press on someone’s tenderest spots without leaving them worse than you found them. Because while Dominance may look like control, for many Dom(me)s it is actually about freeing something in their subs. They’re helping their subs to release things like overthinking, caretaking, or the wound they’ve been quietly managing for years. So a good Dom(me) doesn’t just command. They create a container safe enough for the sub to find a level of pleasure and release they couldn’t have found on their own. We also get into: * What attunement actually means in a Dom/sub dynamic (hint: it’s not giving someone exactly what they expected) * How to alchemize wounds with precision — and why, done right, it can feel like the deepest form of being seen * What to do when the Dom(me) hits their limit mid-scene * Why Dominance, at its core, is an act of service Whether you’re curious about power play, just starting to explore what it means to Dom(me), or wondering why being Dommed sounds so appealing — this episode is a real, grounded look at what Dominance actually requires, from two people who have practiced and experienced it. *** If you want to learn more techniques for bringing your fantasies out of your head and into real life, subscribe! That’s what we’re all about ;). *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — Intro & framing: we spent the first episodes on submission, now we’re pulling the pin on Dominance 1:15 — Dominance as competence, not identity: Kari’s relationship to the Dominant role and why she’s drawn to it 3:20 — The sadistic side: why getting license to inflict consensual discomfort is actually freeing 5:10 — The receiving side: Nicholette on discovering her masochistic side and the healing pain gives her access to 9:58 — The improv of Dominance: treating every submissive response as inspiration 15:31 — Attunement: what it actually means to read a body in real time 22:01 — Being brought somewhere greater than you could go yourself: surrender begins when the ground falls away 24:59 — Alchemizing psychological wounds with precision: an art that requires your own inner work 32:55 — When the Dom(me) hits their limit: practical tips for when things go sideways 40:59 — Aftercare is non-negotiable: setting up a clear plan that holds both people regardless of what happens 45:00 — Repair as intimacy: bumping up against each other and coming back closer 54:33 — Dom(me) integrity: holding what you can actually hold, and what the scene is in service of 1:00:36 — The gifts of Domming: service, surprise, freeing people up *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette *** P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode there . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Chatrooms, sex bots, and AI porn are hot, but can they actually satisfy without your body in the mix? In this episode, we wade into the murky, squirmy territory of sexual technology, holding space for both the gifts (safety, access, exploration after trauma) and the shadow sides (dissociation, escalating intensity, sex without care). From early experiences in chat rooms (where anonymity can provide safety and permission to explore) to emerging data on the rise of physically intense porn, we’re asking: What gets lost when we remove bodies, relational friction, and human-to-human care from sex? We also get into: * The gifts and shadows of sexual fantasy (and when it becomes dissociation) * Why care for another person’s body adds an important dimension to real-life sex * A full-body practice for bringing fantasy out of your head and into sensation (breath, movement, sound) * Sexual suppression and how unowned desire comes out sideways (affairs, violence, addiction) * The seductive danger of frictionless pleasure and why getting exactly what you want might leave you empty * How to stay present during sex when your mind wants to wander If you’ve ever wondered whether your fantasies are healthy, how to bring their imagined pleasure into your body, or why dissociated sex leaves you hungry, this one’s for you. *** If you want to learn more techniques for bringing your fantasies out of your head and into real life, subscribe! That’s what we’re all about ;). *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — Why this conversation makes us squirmy (and why we're having it anyway) 8:34 — Chat rooms as training wheels: when technology creates safety to explore 11:07 — Can an AI companion meet the same need as a real human body? 13:01 — The seductive trap of frictionless fantasy 20:22 — The Economist data: choking, intensity, and what's being normalized 29:00 — Care towards your and your partners’ bodies is the distinction 36:47 — Practice: how to metabolize fantasy through your physical body 41:13 — How unowned desires come out sideways and how to own them without acting on them 44:04 — Why getting exactly what you want often leaves you empty 46:34 — How to bring your fantasy to your partner, rather than using them while being lost in your fantasy *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicholette *** P.S. If you’re on YouTube, and would enjoy seeing our endless expressions as we talk about all these sexy, vulnerable, holy things, you can also watch this episode there . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Slowing down the practice of desire doesn’t mean more waiting. It means more juiciness, more insight, and more intimacy, with yourself and another. In this episode, we introduce our five-stage desire framework: feeling/sensing, articulating, claiming, negotiating, and giving/receiving. We explore how lingering in the space between wanting and having opens up to realizing what we’re really craving, enjoying the rush of claiming your desire, and relishing in the exquisite ache of simply desiring, whether or not the desire is ever “met.” Along the way, we also get into: * How to start feeling sensation in your body (even if you’re disconnected) * Working with taboo or shadow desires to find the “nutrient” you’re craving * The power of claiming what you want out loud, even just to yourself * Why receiving is actually one of the most generous acts you can give your partner * Small time frames and safe words as tools for staying present If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your desire, ashamed of what you want, afraid of being rejected, or stuck in negotiations with a partner, this episode offers practical entry points and a fresh way of thinking about what desire is really for. You can explore this framework, from sensing to claiming to receiving desires, at our yearly retreat, Temple of Yes . *** Chapter Timestamps 01:29 - What we’re talking about today: the five stages of desire 02:57 - Why desire makes a powerful North Star 05:40 - Stage 1: Feeling & sensing your desire 13:08 - Practical ways to start feeling your desire if that’s hard to do 16:10 - Stage 2: Articulating your desire 20:55 - Working with taboo desires to find what we’re really craving 23:56 - Stage 3: Claiming your desire 27:37 - Why and how to practice claiming your desire out loud (with a money example) 31:21 - The power of sitting with desire before acting on it 33:02 - Stage 4: Negotiating your desire 37:41 - How to meet a partner’s conflicting desire with curiosity 41:56 - Stage 5: Giving and receiving your desire 47:13 - Why you can always say no to something you asked for 49:54 - Where you can receive support to go deeper into your desire *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

So you crave to be a submissive… but what are you actually submitting to? In this episode, we unpack layers of devotion: to a partner, to life, to the divine, and perhaps most importantly, to your own choice and desire. We explore how submission isn’t a single act but an ongoing practice of returning to your body, the present moment, and to the decision you made to surrender. The conversation also gets real about what happens when submission stops feeling easy — when you’re uncomfortable, in your head, or caught in stories that say something’s wrong with you. We both share personal experiences of fighting our own surrender, navigating physical discomfort, and when “the shitty Dom in your head” gets really loud. We discuss how a simple reminder (”you chose this”) can be a powerful tool for bringing a submissive back to themselves. We also get into: * How physical discomfort becomes a portal (or a block) in submission * The internal voices that can pull you away from the surrender you crave * Navigating the transition from deep surrender back to everyday life * Solo submission as preparation for relational dynamics * Rewriting the story that you shouldn’t desire what you desire Whether you’re in a 24/7 dynamic, exploring solo submission, or curious about what healthy surrender looks like in any aspect of your life, this episode offers honest insight into the active, embodied, sometimes gritty practice of being an empowered submissive. *** If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore The Empowered Submissive program here: www.eroticreclamation.com/empowered-submissive *** Chapters Timestamps 0:00 — Welcome to Erotic Reclamation 1:17 — What do you submit to? The divine, your partner, the specific desires of your Dom, etc 6:51 — The trifecta of submission: to the self, the other, and the “divine third” of relationship 9:31 — “You chose this”: the phrase that can bring submissives back to their bodies 12:41 — The paradox of submission: loving being told what to do until it’s not what you want 15:10 — The ache of coming back: transitioning from deep surrender to everyday life 21:39 — Physical discomfort as a portal: when your body says “I could die” but you’re actually safe 25:45 — Staying with sensation: naming it, giving it color, finding what’s on the other side 30:23 — Dealing with the internal story that your pleasure and/or desires are broken 36:15 — The “shitty Dom in your head”: personifying the inner voices that try to run the show 41:05 — Solo submissives: how staying with your own submission makes you an invitation 44:44 — Taking ownership of your sex: why you don’t have to wait for a partner to begin *** Thanks for reading and listening to Erotic Reclamation! If this episode did something for you—turned you on, made you think, made you feel a little less alone—subscribe, leave a comment, share it with someone who needs it… and then come back for more. Because you get to want more. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

What does submission actually feel like? Not in the fantasy-land of your imagination, but in your body? In this episode, we dive deep into the raw, sometimes contradictory experience of being a submissive: the exquisite freedom, the moments of resistance, the shadow sides that can hijack the whole thing. We get into: * Why these powerful, capable women love to submit: the exhilaration of submission * The case for solo submission, and not expecting your partner to solve everything * Why the biggest responsibility of a sub is staying connected to and communicating your truth * Nicholette’s “submissive Barbie” mode where she goes numb and performs; Kari’s hyper-vigilance that pulls her out of sensation and into micro-monitoring * Tools for coming back when things go sideways: humor, breath, do-overs, reporting “the weather” * Using shame as erotic fuel that can ignite connection Submission isn’t about disappearing, it’s about staying so fully in yourself that your surrender becomes a gift, not a collapse. *** If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore The Empowered Submissive program here: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/empowered-submissive *** Chapters Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today 1:21 — What submission really feels like to two women who practice it 9:04 — How submission can unlock intimacy and sex by bypassing overthinking 12:10 — An ecstatic rollercoaster: what trusting your Dom actually feels like 19:56 — Introducing solo submission: why you don’t need a Dom to be a sub 34:28 — Shadow sides of submission: people-pleasing, caretaking, dissociation, hyper-vigilance 40:35 — Tools for re-aligning: humor, breath, “do-overs,” naming what’s happening, embodying “the brat” 41:13 — What it means to take personal responsibility for your surrender 47:41 — Abdicating vs. owning your desires: making it the Dom’s “job” kills the dynamic 54:17 — There’s always another layer of shame, control, or tenderness to find and unravel as a sub *** Thanks for reading and listening to Erotic Reclamation! If this episode did something for you—turned you on, made you think, made you feel a little less alone—subscribe, leave a comment, share it with someone who needs it… and then come back for more. Because you get to want more. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Submission is one of those things that lives in the cultural imagination: it’s whispered about, fantasized over, but rarely discussed honestly by the people actually living it. In this episode, we share what submission and surrender mean to us. Because in our lives, it’s not role play or a performance, it’s an integrated part of our relationships and identities. Nicholette talks about her 24/7 Dominant/submissive marriage and how sitting on the floor makes her feel more powerful than sitting in a chair. Kari shares how she actually started by exploring dominance, but it wasn’t until she experienced submission that her “true sexual essence came online.” We also get into: - why healthy submission doesn’t include self-abandonment - how to know if submission is something worth exploring for you - what it actually looks like to integrate submission into a busy, powerful life If you’ve ever felt a pull toward surrender but didn’t know what to do with it, this one’s for you. *** If you’re inspired by what you heard and want to dive deeper, explore our Empowered Submissive program . *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today 3:57 — “We’re just weirdos”: normalizing the conversation 6:00 — Nicholette’s submissive origins: containment, care, defilement 9:45 — Devotion, service, and AOL chat rooms 12:55 — The trap of over-giving vs. true submission 14:10 — Nicholette’s 24/7 dynamic and why she’s sitting on the floor 16:38 — What it was like resisting her own desire to submit 18:50 — Losing power by projecting instead of being present 24:46 — Kari’s journey: from Dominance to discovering submission 28:16 — Exploring submission in committed partnership 32:11 — How you can start to explore submission with us. (Learn more here .) 32:58 — Stepping in and out: how Kari structures scenes and uses humor 38:10 — How and why Nicholette & her partner avoid “default” dynamics 46:30 — There is no “right” way to do power play 48:30 — Invitation: what’s at the core of submission for YOU? *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about kink, navigating a Dominant/submissive awakening, or wanting to deepen what you've already been exploring, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at eroticreclamation.com . With love, Kari & Nicolette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com