The Buddy System with Chris & Matty

Chris gets to float a Tennessee river, friends in comedy and also not in comedy, weird side jobs in standup, getting a uhaul stuck under an overpass does not mean crashing it, Matty had to kill a mouse but like a wild west gentleman, Chris owns a squirrel ghost now, Matty found a tooth as a boy which is chill, toenail underpants, blow darts are no joke fr, Mexican Independence Day book report, Napoleon’s brother Joe literally moved to New Jersey, animals of the week, Chris’s cat might have a demon  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kids are mean to poor David, Matty is always bleeding, David had a way of simply appearing into your life and he also loves frisbee more than most things in the world, David’s comedy journey! and his insanely prolific style of writing standup, inside baseball comedy talk with the fellas, Montreal New Faces, Canadian Border Patrol (matty got deported), Dave’s first big acting role had a ton of goats, commercial auditions, and maybe best quote of the century: “Stand-up is hard to do the right way.” - David Drake  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sporting, Matty pretends to know what sports are through a series of white knuckle lies, Bears are gonna have the best season in the history of the world, Bears/Broncos Super Bowl, comedians trying to cook, beige goo, horrendous food photos, the boys talk cooking, butchers, farm stands, late night food in the UK vs US, Irish comedy boom, Dublin comedy festival, Chris and Matty’s fake accents, underage fake IDs with bad accents, Gaelic football, hurling, Mayo vs Kerry, we love you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

AI sucks, it's summer forever now, Hunger Stones - just as uncool as they sound, Chris loves weddings especially super sweaty ones, Happy Birthday National Parks!, eff data centers hugely, can we try to drain volcanoes or nah, Chris is a man of feasting not dancing, quick obligatory LOTR lesson for Matty, JK Rowling maybe a lil racist or a lot, vote against data centers please! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chris continues to get stronger every day, insane gym guy, Matty’s fancy gym vs. Chris’s toilet facility, Matty repeats yet another story (he’s so sorry this is me and him), pervasive anxiety, 90s kids, beat cops, disorderly conduct, horny killer moose are everywhere, big big horribles, Chris’s weird butt doctor, drinking at Costco, Polish submarines and karate, turns out Chris was a snake kid, wildfires, we love you Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chris tells tales of the road, Matty makes a weird friend in the sauna, Chris and Matty are basically fitness gurus and also mean hangry boys, Chris'll be a good post-apocalyptic leader, public executions, Alcatraz, other prisons, malls, a mall that’s now a prison, hunting Chomsky, breeding and selling a line of Jimothy’s  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lucia Whalen (@luciawhalen) is back with a wall nine inches from her bedroom window and a New York Times byline about a tuna melt. We pass the pod's first tuna policy, propose mandatory tap shoes for men, and make her watch some videos she has never seen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We finally land the #1 best guest, getting arrested in high school, Matty got to pretend he was a Higgins on a father/son trip to Oregon, Elliot’s childhood cannon, rail torpedoes, normal boyhood stuff like exploding train tracks, Chris’s arch nemesis: the seagull, playing tug of war with and eel and then also an octopus, cryptid of the week: the PNW Apecat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Frog tongue cheeseburger, reading fantasy books vs. animal tracking, rat pocket tailor, Luke and Matty roast Chris’s outfit for six hours, doing a S&P 500 in your pants for hotel dominance, Luke’s extremely dope wolf shirt/the wolves inside us all, Nimrods, posses, hell yeah city New Episodes every Tuesday! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bastille day, march on Versailles, eagle or vulture, profesh executioners, coy wolves, British swan laws, where the christ are all the baby Garys  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matty's a bit of a doctor himself, George Washington coulda been a nobody, 4th of July fireworks and fungi, World Cup fans, professional perverts, open wounds in flood water, Frozen is a phenomenal film. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matty has spider bones, a man called Grover, Colorado suckholes, White Sox mascot, beautiful brave sons, hogs both small and mangled, Proboscis monkey, Chris doesn’t trust his own ass  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

90s Jock Jams, the World Cup song situation (why Jelly Roll?), the show Alone, a Naked and Afraid snakebite story Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No guest this week, just Chris and Matty hanging out for a summer episode of the Buddy System Podcast. The boys try to figure out if they could draw the United States from memory, get deep into sauna and steam room culture, talk through whether Matty wants kids and how protective he already is of his nieces and nephews, break down why soccer beats lacrosse on pure accessibility, and close out with another Cryptid of the Week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Scoochie Boochie (https://www.instagram.com/scoochie_boochie) is back on the Buddy System Podcast, and Chris and Matty barely make it through hello before the three of them are swapping tour bus stories, including the act that got left sleeping under a bridge in Milwaukee. From there it is a full hour of comedy podcast tangents: why nerds keep pairing Magic the Gathering with cocaine, a Christian unicycle family dribbling basketballs for Christ, the fact that every crow sounds like Ron White, whether you could train a dog for the biathlon, and the universal truth that your male cat has nipples. Scoochie shouts out his friend Alex Wannell as Treasure of the Week for talking him through a brown recluse bite, the guys invent a pistol with a single tooth, and somewhere in there katana otters, a fridge full of kimchi, and a plan to dodge the draft all come up before the whole thing lands on the green team. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Chris and Matty finally do the alien episode, which according to Chris is the moment they officially became a real comedy podcast. They dig into the Age of Disclosure documentary, UAP whistleblowers, the little guys at Area 51, and the global race to reverse-engineer alien tech, before getting sidetracked onto flying cars we never got, AI quietly making everyone dumber, and a dragon cover-up theory that may get them detained. Then Chicago comedian and environmentalist Lucia Whalen (@luciawhalen) joins for her third visit to tell the full story of the car that was definitely stolen until it wasn't, and to bum everyone out (lovingly) about Roundup, Monsanto, and the Supreme Court before talking everyone back off the ledge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our buddy Sam Biru (@morkatabiru) finally pulls up to the Buddy System for the first time, and he earned it: Chicago comic by way of Philadelphia, 2025 JFL New Faces, and one of the best of the new class. Chris and Matty get into the laughing tap to JFL pipeline, the time two grown men with their luggage finished a kids' bingo card at the Milwaukee Bobblehead Museum, and why it is basically impossible to doomscroll the news and then go do standup. From there it is whitewashed history class and the ongoing case that Paul Revere is not real, the Penn State professor who taught nothing, and Sam's acting past, including a play where his only job was to die of a seizure and the time he got booted a week before opening night for bringing beer and hash to rehearsal. Sam runs a live voiceover bit as a 75 year old conspiracy theorist school bus driver, the guys pitch a songless Lord of the Rings, and it all ends with a full Chet Hanks appreciation hour. Comedy, Chicago stand up, and a whole lot of tangents. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our buddy Adam Gilbert (@adamgilbert__) is back in Chicago for a sold-out weekend and we got him in the studio. We arm him with a hatchet because and he tells the story of the night someone stole his suitcase out of his car outside the Hideout while he was on Molly, how Old Navy in Indianapolis got him through the rest of the road run, and the absolute farce that is trying to file a police report at the Logan Square station. Chris and Adam reconnect on meeting at Cream City Comedy Fest in 2016, comedy festivals as summer camp, and the brutal Tuesday-night logic of clubs putting headliners on slow nights. We do Cryptid of the Month with Mothman, the New Jersey Devil, and Adam's complete confusion about who Cthulhu is, which becomes a Katulu's-cock-behind-a-Patreon-paywall bit and the birth of NSFC (Not Safe For Cowards). Plus: hungover British accents in the Amtrak quiet car, Adam's first full year headlining and the tickets-tickets-tickets grind, his animal-penis Wikipedia spiral leading into a fully sober lecture about what tentacle porn is, bad Better Help teletherapists, and Adam going on record that Chicago tavern-style pizza beats New York pizza. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our buddy Luke Null (SNL, "Pretty Songs Dirty Words" ft. Wayne Brady) is back at the studio and he and Chris have a new segment to debut: Will Matty Read It, where they pitch Matty a book and find out whether he'll actually read the thing. Luke goes first with Joe Abercrombie's Best Served Cold, a Kill Bill revenge novel set in the First Law universe with a numbers-obsessed sociopath named Friendly. Chris counters with Stephen King's Gerald's Game, the one about the woman handcuffed to the bed in a Maine cabin with a dead husband on the floor and a very tall man watching her from the corner, who the boys spend the rest of the episode calling Carl. Along the way they get into George R.R. Martin letting fan fiction of his own books trickle out, why The Dark Tower movie is the worst book adaptation ever made, the genius of The Stand's Boulder-versus-Vegas premise, and Matty workshopping his own forest fantasy novel on the spot with strict rules against robot shit and animal husbandry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's a spring double-holiday episode and Israel and Rob made sure Chris and Matty actually learned what the Battle of Puebla was about before they ran their mouths. From there: Mattie's iPhone alarm has ruined Bob Marley for him, he found a pile of dead flickers in Michigan and called the DNR, ramps are out, Chris recaps the Dallas / Tulsa / Portland / Eugene tour run, Texas writes everyone's textbooks, Homo sapiens vs Neanderthals (we won because we threw stuff), three new Favorite Animals including a monkey that looks like it got napalmed, Maeve buying a Costco pear tree that needs a buddy to fruit, an amphibious bike with big old titties (patent pending), and Oregon rocks for Treasure of the Week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices