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Published by Kara Rubinstein-Deyerin & Alan Katz
Join host Kara Rubinstein Deyerin as she speaks with people who, like her, are impacted by NPE's (non-parental events), DNA surprises, adoption, assisted reproduction, or other unexpected information bombs that reveal the truth about who they are and their family relationships and secrets. As anyone who's ever experienced such an event can tell you, it separates you from you. From knowing your own story. In "Unraveling Me", Kara explores the myriad ways why knowing the truth about who you are and who your family is matters. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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S1 E46 – Unraveling Sheridan By 40, Sheridan believed she had already done the difficult work of understanding her childhood. The man named as her father on her birth certificate died by suicide when she was six, leaving her to grow up beneath the weight of grief, religious shame, unanswered questions, and the childhood belief that perhaps she had not been enough to make him stay. In her late 30s, Sheridan began confronting how that loss had shaped her. She recognized the connection between fatherlessness, fear of abandonment, and an identity built around being helpful, funny, charming, and indispensable. With the support of her husband, she worked through much of that grief and entered her 40th year feeling grounded. Then she took a DNA test. It was supposed to confirm her Dutch ancestry before a family trip to the Netherlands. Instead, Sheridan matched directly with a man identified as her father—a man who was very much alive. Content note: This episode includes a discussion of suicide. SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Sheridan discuss: Growing up after a father’s death by suicide and carrying the religious stigma surrounding it The fears children internalize when they believe they might have prevented a parent from leaving Worrying that mental illness or suicide might be part of your own genetic inheritance How loss and instability contributed to people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and the need to be indispensable The lasting impact of fatherlessness and the harm hidden inside jokes about “daddy issues” Loving and appreciating her mother while still making room for grief, anger, and unanswered questions Sheridan’s “psychology of and”—the ability to hold seemingly conflicting truths at the same time The surreal moment she realized the father she believed was dead was not her genetic father Trying to process an impossible result while her mother insisted the test must be wrong Sheridan brings both lived experience and the insight of a therapist to a conversation about grief, worthiness, abandonment, and the stories children create to explain what adults will not tell them. Her story shows that healing is not erased when new information arrives, but it may need to expand to hold a truth we never imagined. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E45 - Unraveling Mathew Mathew grew up without a consistent father in his life. In 2013, he took a DNA test simply hoping to learn more about his ancestry. Eight years later, a Facebook message asking whether he was related to someone led him back to those results. His mother refused to tell him the truth. As Mathew built relationships with his new paternal family, his mother and much of his maternal family resisted or minimized his discovery. The resulting estrangement contributed to a severe mental health crisis. Mathew speaks candidly about suicidality, how his wife helped save his life, and how the NPE community helped him begin to heal. Content note: This episode includes a candid discussion of suicidal thoughts. Please listen with care. SHOW NOTES In this deeply honest conversation, Kara and Mathew discuss: Growing up without a father figure Returning to DNA results years later A mother’s denial despite clear evidence Finding a genetic father who already knew about him Genetic mirroring and a lifelong love of trucks Maintaining his relationship with the father he had always known Maternal family estrangement and invalidation The impact of his discovery on his wife and children Suicidality, support, and finding help This is a powerful conversation about fathers, truth, belonging, and the importance of finding people who understand. Mathew’s willingness to speak openly—especially about men’s mental health—reminds us that no one should have to navigate a DNA surprise alone. If you or someone you know needs immediate emotional support, call or text 988 . Right to Know also maintains a non crisis hotline 323-825-5673. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E44 – Unraveling Susan & Marci This episode is about living between worlds and eventually discovering that identity does not have to fit neatly into a single category. We can be fully connected to more than one culture, build families through both genetics and choice, and create a sense of home around the people who truly see us. Susan and Marci both grew up in white adoptive families, visibly different from the people raising them and separated from cultures they were somehow expected to understand. Susan, an American Indian transracial adoptee, was removed from her family at 18 months. Marci was born in South Korea and adopted into a deeply religious family in Upstate New York. Both learned early that even when their families did not acknowledge race, the outside world did. They were left to navigate racism, cultural disconnection, and the pressure to be grateful while searching for a place where they could feel fully at home. SHOW NOTES In this deeply thoughtful conversation, Kara, Susan, and Marci discuss: Saviorism and the expectations placed on adopted children Why “not seeing color” leaves transracial adoptees unprepared and unprotected Experiencing racism that their raising parents could not, or would not, recognize Cultural memory, code-switching, and knowing the rules of one world while looking like you belong to another Traveling to Korea and returning to the reservation in search of connection Feeling like an imposter within your own racial or cultural community Susan’s unexpected path to finding the siblings who had been searching for her Marci’s acceptance that she may never find her Korean family The history and systemic forces behind Korean intercountry adoption and American Indian child removal The lifelong need for genetic, ancestral, and medical information Letting go of expectations and defining family, identity, and belonging for yourself Susan and Marci speak candidly about what transracial adoption can sever—not only family relationships, but language, culture, social memory, and the instinctive ways people learn how to move through the world. They also challenge the idea that adoptees must prove they are “authentic” enough to belong anywhere. Susan is the author of Bitterroot: A Salish Memoir of Transracial Adoption . Susan, Marci, and Kara are also contributors to Relative Strangers , an anthology edited by B.K. Jackson. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E 43 – Unraveling Ashley Ashley grew up in what she describes as a hurricane—an unpredictable childhood shaped by physical and emotional abuse, fear, and the constant need to stay small and safe. As an adult, therapy helped her recognize just how unhealthy the family system had been, and she eventually made the difficult decision to cut contact and build a life that felt completely different from the one she had known. Years later, while struggling with infertility, friends pointed out something Ashley had long noticed but never seriously questioned: she did not look like her family. Show Notes Kara and Ashley touch on: Growing up in an abusive and volatile home and learning to hide her needs Therapy, boundaries, and deciding to cut contact with her family Infertility, pregnancy loss, and becoming a mother Learning that many knew the truth except for her Moving slowly through reunion and allowing a new relationship to develop Becoming a mother and seeing her own childhood through a different lens What it feels like when someone simply keeps showing up Ashley’s story holds two very different kinds of family disruption: the family she had to step away from in order to protect herself, and the family connection she never knew was possible. Her experience is a reminder that discovering the truth does not always make life easier—but sometimes, amid the grief and disorientation, it can also bring something unexpectedly good. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of childhood physical and emotional abuse, suicide, and pregnancy loss.) Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E 42 – Unraveling Mary - Mary always knew she was adopted. She grew up with loving parents, an adopted brother, and a younger sister, and while she was curious about where she came from, searching for her genetic family was something she could put off—until a comment from her young daughter made her see that the unanswered questions did not belong to her alone. That moment eventually set Mary on a decades-long search through closed adoption records, Catholic Charities, confidential intermediaries, courthouse files, libraries, old newspaper clippings, and more than a little detective work. Then she took an AncestryDNA test. SHOW NOTES Kara and Mary talk about: Growing up knowing she was adopted and the questions she learned not to ask The conversation with her daughter that changed how she thought about searching Navigating closed adoption records and confidential intermediaries Discovering a brother who had also been relinquished Seeing a photograph of her genetic mother for the first time Unexpected DNA matches that make you reconsider what you believed for decades Making room for the different people who have filled the role of father Why knowing the truth about our origins matters, even when that truth changes everything Mary’s story is a reminder that finding family does not always mean reaching the end of the search. Sometimes, the answers we find become part of the mystery themselves. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E41– Unraveling Ona, Nina, Christine, and Sarah This episode is a powerful reminder that family truth rarely lands evenly. One sibling may feel immediate joy while another needs distance. A parent may have been loving and present for one child while remaining absent, or causing profound harm, in another child’s life. A discovery can validate feelings carried since childhood while also creating entirely new questions and grief. In today’s episode, Kara sits down with Nina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah. Each came to her discovery through a very different door, but their stories share one central theme: unexpectedly finding a sibling later in life. Their stories appear in Relative Strangers , an anthology edited by BK Jackson. Together, they reveal that discovering a sibling is rarely only about adding someone new to the family. It can expose long-held secrets, reshape how we understand our parents, and awaken grief for the years, memories, and relationships that can never be recovered. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault and childhood abuse.) SHOW NOTES In this thoughtful and deeply layered conversation, Kara, Nina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah discuss: Four very different paths to discovering previously unknown siblings The disbelief, relief, recognition, validation, and joy that can accompany discovery Grieving lost time, missed childhoods, and siblings who died before they could meet Genetic mirroring, shared traits, physical resemblance, and unexpected sibling synchronicities Why family members can respond very differently to the same new sibling Adjusting to the language of an expanded family—from “my father” to “our father” Cross-siblings and the relationships that form between people connected through a shared sibling How one discovery can raise new questions about what else a family may have concealed Deciding what to tell a sibling about a shared parent who was loving, harmful, absent, or complicated Loving a parent while also confronting the harm caused by their choices Nina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah do not offer a simple reunion narrative. They offer something more honest: a conversation about secrecy, truth, lost time, belonging, and the complicated work of building a relationship with a new sibling. Relative Strangers , edited by BK Jackson, is a collection of 28 personal essays exploring the shock, longing, grief, and transformation that can come with discovering previously unknown close relatives. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E40 – Unraveling Dee - At 23, while grieving the death of the mother who raised her, Dee learned another life-changing truth: she was adopted. For her entire childhood and young adulthood, Dee had believed the story she was given. She never questioned whether she belonged to her family and had no reason to investigate what her parents told her. Suddenly, she was mourning her mother while also trying to understand an identity and history that had been hidden from her. Within months, Dee found her genetic mother and entered reunion carrying enormous hopes for connection. But reunion did not unfold as she had imagined. Thirty years later, a DNA test intended to fill gaps in her paternal medical history revealed yet another surprise. SHOW NOTES In this thoughtful conversation, Kara and Dee discuss: Learning she was adopted at 23 after the death of her adoptive mother Entering reunion with high expectations and learning why moving slowly matters The difference between longing for connection and building an actual relationship The emotional and medical consequences of carrying incorrect family health information Navigating new family roles, including becoming the oldest sibling after growing up as the youngest Reparenting the inner child who emerges during discovery, reunion, grief, and rejection What's it like to be an LDA with an NPE Turning pain into purpose through speaking, mentoring, and supporting other adoptees Dee’s story spans late-discovery adoption, reunion, grief, medical uncertainty, and a second parentage discovery. It is a reminder that finding the truth does not restore what was were lost, but it can give us the freedom to decide what happens next. She’s transformed her experiences into a source of support for others. We may not be responsible for the choices made before we had a voice, but we can take ownership of our healing, reclaim our identities, and create lives rooted in truth. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1E39 – Unraveling Bill & Priscilla - This episode is a testament to persistence. Sometimes the truth takes decades, thousands of names, and one final piece of evidence to uncover—but being able to say “I know” instead of “I wonder” can bring a profound sense of peace. Bill was one of the earliest people to take a Y-DNA test, but for more than 20 years, one question remained unanswered: why didn’t he match anyone from the Sharp family whose name he carried? The answer arrived when his brother tested. At 72 years old, Bill learned they were half-siblings and that the man he had known as his father was not his genetic father. But identifying the truth would take another decade of research. Fortunately, Bill was married to Priscilla—a genealogist, search angel, author, and adoption advocate who has helped solve more than 2,000 cases. By tracing generations of DNA matches, abandoned marriages, military records, name changes, and a divorce filed in the right place at the right time, Priscilla finally uncovered the identity of Bill’s genetic father. SHOW NOTES In this thoughtful and wide-ranging conversation, Kara, Bill, and Priscilla discuss: • Recognizing that Bill’s Y-DNA did not match the Sharp family line • Growing up feeling like a guest in his own family • Carrying the name “Junior” after learning he was not genetically related to the man he was named after • How small clues—and a genealogist’s eye for detail—can unlock long-buried answers • Finally seeing yourself reflected in family photographs • The medical consequences of relying on the wrong family health history • Family estrangement and losing the opportunity to ask his mother what happened • Finding compassion for a parent’s trauma without excusing secrecy • Why people deserve the truth about their origins much earlier in life Priscilla also shares her own experience as a mother who relinquished a daughter during the Baby Scoop Era. She describes being told to hide the truth, being misled by an adoption agency, searching through newspaper archives before the internet existed, and reuniting with her daughter nearly 40 years ago. Together, Bill and Priscilla’s stories reveal how the loss of genetic continuity can ripple through adoptees, parents, siblings, and people with misattributed parentage. Their journeys are different, but both are shaped by secrecy, separation, unanswered questions, and the enduring need to know. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E38 – Unraveling Lynne - Lynne’s story exposes what can happen when fertility practices operate through secrecy, misinformation, and little accountability. Her parents were told to treat their children as genetically their own and never speak of the circumstances surrounding their conception. But silence did not erase the truth. It left Lynne without an accurate medical history, a coherent understanding of herself, or the information she needed to make sense of why she sometimes felt different within her own family. Lynne grew up knowing her parents had sought help from a fertility specialist. But shortly after her father died, her mother revealed that donor sperm had been used—and that the doctor had mixed the donor’s sample with her father’s, leaving them uncertain about who had genetically fathered Lynne and her sister. This was long before consumer DNA testing and online records. But Lynne needed to know who she was. She began a search that would take more than 20 years. What she eventually uncovered was far larger than one hidden identity: a donor who had helped conceive children over three decades and a sibling group that has now grown to 86 known members—with potentially hundreds more. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of suicide) SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Lynne discuss: · Learning she was donor-conceived immediately after losing her father · The emotional responsibility of welcoming newly discovered siblings into an ever-growing family · Genetic mental health and substance-use histories—and the grief of losing siblings · Why donor conception can create a lifelong process of grief, identity disruption, and integration · Fertility fraud that extends beyond doctors secretly using their own sperm · The medical consequences of growing up with an inaccurate family health history · Lynne’s early research into the shared experiences of donor-conceived people · The importance of bringing donor-conceived people, donors, and parents together to listen and learn from one another After decades of searching, supporting newly discovered siblings, studying donor conception, and advocating for fertility-fraud legislation, Lynne has become one of the pioneers of the donor-conceived community. Her story is a powerful reminder that creating a child is not simply about producing a baby—it carries lifelong responsibilities for everyone involved. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E37 Unraveling Shelli - Shelli’s story is about surviving childhood without the care every child deserves, doing the hard work to become healthy, and learning that patience is sometimes part of protection. Shelli spent much of her childhood raising herself. She grew up with a mother who could be magnetic and beautiful to the outside world, but emotionally unavailable and rejecting at home. Her brothers were much older, her raising father was largely absent, and Shelli learned early that comfort, affection, and safety were not things she could count on from the adults around her. Throughout her life, people repeatedly asked Shelli if she was part of an ethnicity she did not believe she was so she took an Ancestry test expecting only ethnicity answers. Instead, she opened her matches and saw her mother—and a man she had never met before. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of childhood neglect, emotional abuse, abandonment, attempted self-abortion, and sexual harassment/exposure) SHOW NOTES In this deeply honest and layered conversation, Kara and Shelli discuss: Growing up with emotional neglect and “quiet abuse” The lifelong impact of being unwanted, unseen, and left to raise yourself Being a fatherless daughter and growing up without a stable parental bond How painful truths can sometimes bring validation and clarity Why slowing down before first contact can matter The brutality of waiting for a response from genetic family The emotional complexity of joining a family system already in motion when you’ve never really had a family system of your own Boundaries, patience, therapy, and refusing to accept less than she deserve Her reunion is still new, but it has already given her something she once could not imagine: emotionally available people who are kind, curious, and willing to make room. This episode is a powerful reminder that truth can hurt and heal at the same time. And sometimes the right people finally show up and say: you belong here. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E36 Unraveling Steve & Becky - Steve and Becky’s story is raw, funny, painful, and almost unbelievable—except it is true and documented. Their book, DNA Did Not Anticipate , takes readers even deeper into the twists, losses, discoveries, and moments of healing that followed Steve’s DNA surprise. It is part memoir, part mystery, and part roadmap for anyone trying to make sense of a truth they never saw coming. Steve thought he was taking a DNA test to explore the Native American ancestry he had always been told was part of his story. Instead, his results revealed a first cousin in Prince Edward Island, Canada, a match that made no sense with his Kentucky-based family history. What followed was a life-is-stranger-than-fiction unraveling. With the help of his wife Becky, a part-time genealogist, Steve began uncovering hidden family secrets, a father he never knew, and pieces of his mother’s past that completely changed how he understood his own story. SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara, Steve, and Becky discuss: Taking a DNA test to search for Native American ancestry Discovering people who did not fit in your known family tree The moment we realize we’re not who we thought we were How a spouse’s support can be key in processing a DNA surprise Seeing himself reflected in a picture of your father for the first time The shock, grief, anger, shame, and eventual peace from an NPE How DNA surprises ripple through spouses, children, siblings, and extended family Rewriting how you look at family Writing their book, DNA Did Not Anticipate This episode is about family, marriage, loss, humor, identity, and the kind of truth that leaves people saying, “You can’t make this stuff up.” Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E 35 Unraveling Micelle S - Michelle’s story is layered, funny, honest, and full of hard-earned wisdom. She shows us that adoption is not a single event, but something that shapes a person across a lifetime—in identity, relationships, parenting, advocacy, and healing. Michelle grew up knowing she was adopted, and by many measures, she had what people often call a “good adoption.” She was loved, cared for, and raised by parents who told her the truth from the beginning. But as Michelle’s story reminds us, even a good adoption does not erase the trauma of separation, the ache of missing genetic mirrors, or the lifelong work of figuring out where you belong. A Baby Scoop Era adoptee, Michelle was five days old when she was brought home by her raising parents. Adoption was known in her family, but not always easy to talk about. Beneath the surface, Michelle carried a deep fear of hurting or disappointing the parents who raised her, especially her mother, whose own unresolved grief shaped much of Michelle’s experience. SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Michelle discuss: Growing up adopted while sensing there were still emotional limits around the topic What it means to have a “good adoption” and still be deeply affected by adoption Feeling othered in childhood, even in small everyday moments The pressure to protect a raising parent’s feelings Meeting her husband, who was also adopted, and building a family together The experience of genetic mirroring when their first child was born Holding relationships with genetic family while managing fear, obligation, and guilt Advocating for adoptee rights and helping change law around original birth certificates Child welfare reform, Safe Haven baby boxes, and the need for child-centered policy This episode is about reunion, boundaries, genetic identity, and the courage it takes to stop carrying emotions that were never yours to manage. It is also a reminder that love and loss can exist in the same story, and that truth becomes easier to hold when we finally make room for all of it. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E34 Unraveling Jennie - Jennie’s story is about more than a DNA test. It is about secrecy, loyalty, medical truth, sibling connection, and the complicated grief of realizing that the people who loved you also kept something essential from you. Jennie took a DNA test because she wanted to know more about her father’s side of the family. Her dad had died of cancer when she was 23, and with her mother’s genealogy already carefully documented, Jennie hoped 23andMe would help fill in the missing pieces. But when her results came back, Jennie found multiple half-siblings she did not recognize. What began as curiosity quickly became a life-changing discovery. SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Jennie discuss: Taking a DNA test for ancestry and discovering unexpected half-siblings Her mother’s warning not to test and the missed chance to tell the truth first Re-examining childhood memories, family photos, and old questions through a new lens The grief of realizing her dad chose to be her father, but never got to share that truth openly The medical consequences of being given incorrect family health history Reaching out to a donor who refuses contact Building relationships with donor-conceived siblings and finding genetic mirroring later in life Talking openly with her own children so secrecy stops with this generation Jennie's story reminds us that there is nothing shameful about donor conception. The harm comes from silence. And sometimes healing begins when one generation finally decides: the secret stops here. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1E33 Unraveling Joseph & Charity - Charity spent most of her life believing a painful story about her origins. Raised by her maternal grandparents after the death of her mother, she endured a childhood marked by abuse, silence, and the belief that searching for her father would only uncover more pain. For years, she was told she was conceived through violence and taught not to ask questions. After becoming a mother herself, Charity decided she no longer wanted fear, secrecy, and generational trauma passed down to her own children. A DNA test—and the courage to finally open the results—led her to Joseph. What followed was not the story she had been told. SHOW NOTES In this deeply emotional and hopeful conversation, Kara, Charity, and Joseph discuss: Growing up under the weight of family secrecy and emotional manipulation The impact of childhood abuse, silence, and being taught not to search Using DNA testing, genealogy groups, and DNAngels to uncover the truth Joseph learning decades later that he had a daughter Navigating reunion while honoring existing family relationships The importance of grace, patience, and moving slowly through reunion Genetic mirroring, shared traits, and finally seeing yourself reflected in someone else Breaking cycles of silence and trauma for the next generation Charity and Joseph’s story is about far more than finding family. It is about reclaiming truth after years of fear, learning to trust connection after surviving harm, and choosing healing over bitterness. Their reunion is honest, imperfect, hopeful, and deeply human. Together, they remind us that family stories are often more complicated than we are told and that sometimes the truth waiting on the other side is far gentler than the fear that kept us from searching. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E32 Melody: Melody took a DNA test for one reason: to search for the younger brother she had not seen since childhood who’d been relinquished to adoption. Instead, her results revealed a truth she never expected. Raised African American, Melody opened her DNA results and found close white relatives, no close matches on her mother’s side, and an ethnicity estimate that made no sense with the family story she had always known. What began as a search for her brother became a search for herself. SHOW NOTES In this thoughtful and layered conversation, Kara and Melody discuss: Losing her birth certificate father as a child and being raised by a beloved great-aunt Discovering close white DNA matches and realizing her father was not her genetic father Building mirror trees and doing months of genetic genealogy research Finding her genetic father and connecting with several half-siblings The complexity of being raised Black and learning her genetic father was white Navigating race, belonging, politics, and acceptance within a new family Seeking medical history and answers without wanting anything material The ache of never fully knowing how her parents’ relationship began Melody’s story is about more than a DNA surprise. It is about race, identity, family stories, and the complicated work of integrating a truth that changes how you understand your past. Her journey reminds us that knowing where we come from matters not because DNA tells the whole story, but because missing pieces shape how we see ourselves, our families, and our place in the world. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1E31 Unraveling Dr. Syb : Dr. Syb spent 42 years feeling like something didn’t fit. Then, at a family funeral, a cousin confirmed what her body, spirit, and intuition had long known: she had been adopted. Born during the Baby Scoop Era and raised in a same-race domestic adoption, Dr. Syb grew up in a loving family—but one built around a secret she was expected to carry quietly once the truth came out. For seven years, she did not search, trying to protect the mother who raised her. Eventually, she realized the truth belonged to her too. SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Dr. Syb discuss: Learning she was adopted through a family comment The emotional impact of being lied to for decades Baby Scoop Era adoption and same-race adoption in the Black community Amended birth certificates and the legal fiction adoptees are forced to use Searching for and finding both genetic families The grief of finding graves instead of living parents Relationship, attachment, and abandonment wounds after adoption The power of names, voice, and reclaiming authorship of your own story How friends and family can support someone after a life-changing discovery This episode reminds us that secrets do not disappear when people take them to the grave. They leave others to sort through the pieces. And sometimes healing begins when we finally say: this is my story to tell. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E 30 Unraveling Nick Nick was supposed to receive a DNA test for his birthday, but his parents asked that the gift be delayed. The next day, they sat him down and told him the results might reveal something unexpected. What followed led Nick to a truth he never imagined. Through both his book Inconceivably Connected and the "Inconceivably Connected Podcast", Nick has transformed his own discovery into a platform for connection and truth-telling. This episode reminds us that even life-altering truths can also be invitations: to understand ourselves more fully, to connect more honestly, and to realize that identity is often far more expansive than we were first told. Kara and Nick explore identity, genetic mirroring, family, and what happens when the story you believed about yourself suddenly shifts beneath your feet. SHOW NOTES In this episode, Kara and Nick discuss: Learning he was donor-conceived the day after his 36th birthday How his parents’ honesty before the DNA test changed his discovery experience Discovering 14 half-siblings The surreal experience of seeing himself reflected in strangers Nature vs. nurture and the power of genetic mirroring Navigating new sibling relationships and redefining family Why his father who raised him remains the hero of his story Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E 29 Unraveling Monica H Monica was adopted as an infant and raised in Alaska rough-and-tumble 1970s oil boom in a home where much was left unbroken. From early on, she learned to navigate instability, dysfunction, and sexual, emotional, and physical abuse – without the language or support to make sense of it. At 15 after experiencing a sexual assault, Monica became pregnant and was pressured to relinquish her daughter. That loss followed her everywhere, shaping how she understood herself, her relationships, and her place in the world. And then she did the work to understand what happened, reclaim her story, and begin choosing herself. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of child abuse, sexual abuse, and sexual assault.) SHOW NOTES In this conversation, Kara and Monica discuss: Growing up adopted and navigating identity without clear roots A home shaped by dysfunction, addiction, and silence Discovering her Métis identity The lasting impact of that loss across her life The emotional complexity of reunion with her genetic family as well as with her daughter Boundaries, self-worth, and learning to choose herself Monica shares her story with directness and honesty, naming both what she lived through and what it has taken to keep going. There are no easy resolutions—just the reality of carrying loss, making meaning of it, and continuing forward. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E28 Unraveling Maria In this wide-ranging and deeply insightful conversation, Kara and Maria explore what happens when personal discovery intersects with law, ethics, culture, and belonging. Maria was 53 years old, standing in her kitchen, when a DNA test result upended everything she thought she knew about her identity. Raised in a deeply Catholic family, with a Filipino immigrant mother and an Irish American father, Maria’s life had always felt coherent, until a test revealed she was half Ashkenazi Jewish. SHOW NOTES Kara and Maria discuss: Receiving unexpected DNA results and the immediate unraveling that followed Confronting parental secrecy and navigating a mother unwilling to engage The search for, and eventual relationship with, her genetic father How late discovery reshapes identity, faith, and cultural belonging The legal and ethical risks of consumer DNA testing, including privacy and insurance concerns Misattributed parentage and the broader policy gaps affecting NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people Sobriety, trauma, and the importance of support when facing life-altering truths The tension between truth-telling and protecting family secrets Maria brings both personal vulnerability and professional insight as an attorney, offering a perspective that goes beyond individual story into systemic impact. Her experience led her to write Before and After the DNA Test , a comprehensive guide to the legal, medical, and ethical realities many people never consider before “spitting in a tube.” Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
S1 E27 Unraveling Aaron & Jess In this thoughtful and often funny conversation, Kara, Aaron, and Jess explore what happened when a long-abstract donor relationship became real—and how that reality slowly reshaped all of their lives. What begins as a donor-conception story becomes something much more unexpected: a conversation about the many ways family can take shape. Years after choosing an unknown donor because it felt like the safest legal and emotional choice, Jess’s daughter took a DNA test to learn more about her ancestry and found Aaron right away. What followed was not just a new connection for a donor-conceived child, but the beginning of an evolving relationship between two adults trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain with care, curiosity, and respect. SHOW NOTES Kara, Aaron, and Jess discuss: Why choose an unknown donor in the first place What donor conception looked like in the early 2000s, before photos, social media, and widespread DNA testing Aaron’s decision to take a DNA test A child’s experience of donor discovery when the truth was never hidden How Jess and Aaron built trust while following her daughter’s lead The emotional complexity of genetics, parenting, and belonging This episode challenges old assumptions about what makes a parent, what makes a family, and how connection can grow when honesty is there from the beginning. Aaron and Jess show that while genetics matter, relationships matter too, and neither has to cancel out the other. Their story is a reminder that sometimes the families we build do not fit familiar templates, but can still be rooted in care, respect, and love. Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are. At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first. For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/ . Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Observed September 20, 2026. Cached outside the daily freshness window; the positions keep the date they were taken on.
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