The AuDHD Boss: Neurodiversity at Work with Brett Whitmarsh

My AuDHD masked persona helped me succeed at work. The problem is, the more successful that persona became, the more I leaned into it—and now I’m trying to figure out how to let it go. In this episode, I talk about autistic and ADHD masking, the different personas I’ve created throughout my life, and how one of the strongest became my workplace persona. I look back at how I learned the language of corporate leadership, why that persona worked so well for me, what happened when my work and personal personas collided, and why it can be so hard for me to turn the work version of myself off. I also talk about growing up and adopting different personas long before I understood masking, my connection to Jim Carrey and The Mask , the difficulty of work social events, burnout, unmasking, and the question I keep coming back to: Did the same masking that helped me succeed also hold me back? At the same time, I still need masking. For me, it can be protective. So this isn’t about simply taking the mask off. It’s about trying to figure out the balance between safety, success, and getting closer to my authentic voice. If you’re autistic, ADHD, or AuDHD and have ever felt like you became a different version of yourself at work, I’d love to know if this feels familiar. You can also find my AuDHD Workplace Workbook, coaching, speaking, consulting, and more at: AuDHDBoss.com

There's a certain tension that comes up. A wall. An invisible force field around my body, my brain, my mind, that I can't move past no matter how much I want to. That's what masking actually feels like for me, not as a concept, but as a physical sensation. In this episode I break down what masking actually is, where it started for me, and what it took to finally start recognizing it happening in real time. Drawing on Dr. Megan Anna Neff's work in the Autistic Burnout Workbook , I walk through the different forms masking takes, scripting, mimicking, assimilation, camouflage, code-switching, excessive helpfulness, and how each one shows up for me specifically. I get into where this started as a kid, why I built a different persona for every room I walked into, and how switching between those personas has come to feel like regenerating into a new person every time, the way the Doctor does in Doctor Who. Then I get into the part I most wanted to talk about, what masking actually feels like in my body. The tension. The wall. What I can only describe as shields going up. And why recognizing that sensation, even before I could name it, changed how I handle it. I also talk through what an actual unmasking plan looks like for me, why I can only fully unmask alone, and why recovery isn't about getting back to who you were before, it's about getting somewhere healthier than that ever was. Resources mentioned on play and AuDHD Burnout: What does Play look/feel like for an adult from AtsedeScarseth AuDHD Therapist: https://www.tiktok.com/@atsedescarseth/video/7675894691077950751 https://www.tiktok.com/@atsedescarseth/video/7675894019267857695 The direct line from masking to AuDHD burnout https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loz1viIIB9U Wondering how to manage you needs at work as a late-diagnosed AuDhd, ADHD or Autistic adult? Check out my Drains and Sparks Workplace Workbook. A video version of this episode, with chapters, is also up on YouTube if you'd rather watch. I'm starting a series on Substack going deeper into unmasking, link in the show notes if you want to follow along. I offer workplace talks and coaching for organizations and professionals navigating autism, ADHD, and AuDHD at work, especially for managers and HR teams. Reach out through my website if that's something you need.

A viewer sent in a question that a lot of neurodivergent professionals are sitting with right now. Their boss doesn't believe ADHD is real, and they suspect that boss might be neurodivergent themselves. Dr. Bowen Marshall's answer reframes the whole situation: the resistance isn't about you. It's about them. You've done the hardest part of unmasking, which is asking for help. And then the person with power over your career looked at you and said no. That moment doesn't just sting. It confirms every reason you had for keeping the mask on in the first place. Brett and Bowen get into why that happens, what it says about the manager, and what you can actually do about it. They also cover the history of management culture and what it continues to demand from neurodivergent employees, why neurodivergent professionals sometimes become each other's biggest obstacles at work, deliberative processing and the professional cost of not having a quick answer ready in a meeting, recovery versus reconstitution at the end of a workday and why those are not the same thing, and practical scripts and strategies for getting your needs met without disclosing your diagnosis. Topics covered in this episode: *Why a neurodivergent boss may be your greatest skeptic *Internalized neurophobia and what it looks like in leadership *Masking until burnout and asking for help *Why neurodivergents sometimes take advantage of other neurodivergents at work *Recovery versus reconstitution after a workday *Deliberative processing and the cost of not having a quick answer *Fawning and people pleasing under a resistant manager *The history of management culture and compliance *Authenticity versus consistency at work *Workplace scripts to buy processing time in meetings *The test balloon approach to figuring out who is safe to talk to at work *When to go to HR after a negative disclosure response Dr. Bowen Marshall, PhD is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and career coach specializing in ADHD, Autism, and neurodivergent career development. As part of his work, he helps neurodivergents navigate the complexity of career demands helping ADHDers, AuDHDers and Autistics find and create systems, workflows, and leadership styles that help them succeed and thrive at work and life. Check out Bowen's Substack Subscribe to Bowen's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@DrBoTyler Drains and Sparks: An AuDHD Workplace Workbook: https://payhip.com/AuDHDBoss Book a coaching call or speaking engagement: audhdBoss.com

Processing a layoff is different when you're autistic or have ADHD. Brett Whitmarsh, host of The AuDHD Boss, shares what he learned in the ten months after his own layoff from a twelve-year corporate role, and what actually helped him grieve, rest, and figure out what came next. In this episode, Brett covers: Why a layoff isn't a reflection of your performance, even when it feels personal How to let yourself grieve a job loss without rushing past it Why taking time before making major decisions matters, especially with a severance package How to turn your job history into a list of transferable skills Why applying through AI-driven hiring platforms alone often isn't enough, and how to use personal connections instead Where to find real support without paying for resources that should be free Brett also references the exercise from his Drains & Sparks: An AuDHD Workplace Workbook, and shares the personal decision-making mistake he made in the weeks right after his own layoff.

Isabel Fields, ESG Manager at Hearst, helped build the company's first Neurodiversity at Hearst hiring program from the ground up. In six months, Hearst had a fully running program. Years later, it's still growing, and it's shaped how the company trains, hires, and retains Autistic and ADHD talent at every level. We talk about how the program came together, why executive buy-in came easier than expected, and the distinction Isabel draws between accommodations and adjustments, the small, low-cost changes a manager can make without a formal process. We also get into personal brand for neurodivergent employees and managers, practical ways to manage ADHD and Autistic burnout, and how to work through rejection sensitivity with a manager or trusted colleague. Isabel Fields is an ESG Manager at Hearst with expertise in sustainability strategy, ESG reporting, and inclusive workplace initiatives. She serves on Understood's Women's Council and is a Women inPower fellow at the 92NY. Prior to Hearst, she was part of Oracle's Social Impact team and has held roles at Nike, the United Nations Foundation, and Iron Mountain. Mentioned in this episode: my Drains & Sparks AuDHD Workplace Workbook. If you or your organization want to work on neuroinclusion, train your managers, or explore individual coaching, reach out using the contact info in the show notes.

Self-employed with ADHD or autism? For a lot of people, it's not a lifestyle choice, it's the only option left when a corporate job stops working. Brett talks with Liora, founder of Colorful Futures, a neurodivergent, queer-run HR and career consulting business. Liora spent years as a recruiter before starting the business, and this conversation gets into what actually triggers the leap into self-employment, how a late ADHD or autism diagnosis can be part of that decision, and what that choice looks like once you get past the LinkedIn version of it: the guilt, the uneven pace, and the fact that the whole business model doesn't have to be figured out before starting. Liora and their colleague Caitlin Fisher are hosting the Entrepreneurial Horizon Workshop on Thursday, July 16 at 6:30 PM Eastern. It's a 90-minute session for anyone with an idea they haven't figured out how to build yet. $18 to attend, replay included. Register here: https://colorfulfutures.thrivecart.com/entrepreneurial-horizon/ More on Colorful Futures: https://colorfulfutures.us/about This conversation is also available as a video on the AuDHD Boss YouTube channel. Interested in working together? Brett offers coaching for neurodivergent professionals and consulting for organizations working to become more neuro-inclusive, including speaking to employee resource groups. Reach out: Brett@AuDHDboss.com or at AuDHDboss.com

Have you ever gotten the feedback that you're unlikeable at work? For a lot of neurodivergent professionals, that label arrives while you're already burning significant cognitive energy just to show up and function. In this episode, Dr. Bowen Marshall and Brett dig into why masking reads as coldness, where the term masking actually comes from historically, and what warm cues are and how they work in practice at work. The conversation covers the frontal lobe vs. temporal parietal junction difference in how autistic and non-autistic brains process social interaction, what happens when masking and a novel cognitive task compete for the same processor, and the 20/60/20 framework for understanding workplace perception. Brett shares the good morning story, a real workplace example that shows how a single missed warm cue can shape how a colleague is perceived for years. But the episode goes further than workplace tactics. Bowen recently published "Yes, Even Masking Is Caused by Racism" on Substack, and that work runs through a significant part of this conversation, from the eugenics movement and the history of ABA therapy to professional dress codes as compliance culture. Brett and Bowen also talk openly about the overlap between queer identity and neurodivergence and why for many people those two things have never been separate. Topics covered in this episode: Why the mask drops when cognitive load increases The frontal lobe vs. temporal parietal junction difference in social processing Spiky cognitive profiles and building teams around them The warmth and competence framework and the 20/60/20 breakdown Micro moments of liking and primacy and recency effects at work The history of ABA therapy and its connection to white supremacy culture Queer masking as survival and the overlap between queer and neurodivergent identity Why masking past a certain point disconnects you from your own power Dr. Bowen Marshall, PhD is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and career coach specializing in ADHD, Autism, and neurodivergent career development. As part of his work, he helps neurodivergents navigate the complexity of career demands helping ADHDers, AuDHDers and Autistics find and create systems, workflows, and leadership styles that help them succeed and thrive at work and life. Read Bowen's article: Yes, Even Masking Is Caused by Racism Follow Dr. Bowen Marshall: Find all Brett and Bowen's conversations on the AuDHD Boss YouTube playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9QX1pbJKEk&list=PLRBohTCbOqwA

I was more nervous to tell people at work I was autistic than I was coming out bisexual. That's not a punchline. It tells you something about how similar these two journeys actually are. In this episode Brett shares how coming out as bisexual in his 30s and getting a late AuDHD diagnosis a few years later followed the same emotional architecture — recontextualizing your entire life, grieving the person you thought you were, and slowly learning to stop masking. What made both take so long? Alexithymia and delayed processing made it hard to understand his own feelings. Growing up in a high control religion made those feelings feel dangerous. And high masking kept both identities hidden — even from himself. If you came out late, got diagnosed late, or both I'd love to hear your story. Topics covered: neuroqueer identity, high masking, Alexithymia, coming out in your 30s, late AuDHD diagnosis, workplace safety, the grief of late discovery, and why unmasking and coming out feel like the same thing. Find Brett's Drains & Sparks workbook and coaching at payhip.com/audhdboss. In this episode: Why high masking kept Brett in the closet — and later kept his AuDHD diagnosis hidden too How Alexithymia and delayed processing made it hard to understand his own feelings Why workplace safety was the trigger that finally let him unmask The grief that comes with both late coming out and late diagnosis — and where they differ Why "people who aren't don't spend all that time wondering if they are" applies to both sexuality and neurotype Resources mentioned: Drains & Sparks Workbook: payhip.com/audhdboss

"Don't be too good at your job." That line from Dr. Bowen Marshall hit nearly a million views on Instagram. So we came back to respond to your comments. For neurodivergent professionals, overperforming isn't just exhausting. It sets a trap — a higher bar every annual review, burnout that builds without a clear cause, and a workplace that stops taking your limitations seriously because you look too capable to need support. In this episode Brett and Dr. Bowen Marshall go through the comments from that viral moment and get into what's actually driving it. They cover the PIE model and why 70% of your career has nothing to do with your actual work. The difference between a mentor and a sponsor — and why neurodivergent professionals almost always get one but not the other. Why over-performing makes raises harder, not easier. What to do when your boss says nothing is coming off your plate. And the disability catch-22: when you're too competent, your limitations stop being believed. About Dr. Bowen Tyler Marshall: Dr. Bowen Marshall, PhD a licensed psychotherapist, author, and career coach specializing in ADHD, Autism, and neurodivergent career development. As part of his work, he helps neurodivergents navigate the complexity of career demands helping ADHDers, AuDHders and Autistics find and create systems, workflows, and leadership styles that help them succeed and thrive at work and life. Connect with Bowen here: Substack: https://drbotyler.substack.com/ Instagram: h ttps://www.instagram.com/drbotyler/?hl=en Tiktok: https://tiktok.com/@Drbotyler YouTube: https://youtube.com/@www.youtube.com/ ⁨@DrBoTyler⁩ About Brett | AuDHD BossI'm Brett — AuDHD, late diagnosed, and a former corporate leader with 12 years of leadership training and experience. I offer 1:1 coaching and neuro-inclusive workplace training for individuals and organizations.******************************RESOURCES & LINKS🛒 Drains & Sparks — AuDHD Workplace Workbook for Neurodivergent ProfessionalsBundle (workbook + 45-min coaching video) → https://payhip.com/audhdboss Workbook only → https://payhip.com/audhdboss WORK WITH BRETT1:1 coaching for autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD professionals navigating corporate environmentsCorporate training, manager workshops, and organizational licensing for neuro-inclusive teams👉 audhdboss.com | Brett@audhdboss.com

A new national survey from NEXT for AUTISM puts hard data on what autistic and AuDHD employees have been describing for years — and the findings challenge most of what workplaces assume about disclosure, accommodations, and what actually drives retention. I sat down with Candi Weaver-Dowds, Senior Manager of Strategic Initiatives at NEXT for AUTISM and the lead on this research, and Abigayle Jayroe, SVP of Strategic Operations, to walk through the data and what employers need to do differently. We cover: • Why 79% of autistic employees describe masking and emotional exhaustion as a workplace challenge — and what that costs • The 73% disclosure rate, and why most went to their direct manager rather than HR • Why nearly 7 in 10 autistic employees are building their own support systems outside of work • What the data shows about autistic women carrying a disproportionate burden • Why AuDHD employees — 40% of the sample — may be the largest and most strained subgroup in the autistic workforce About the report Inside the Autistic Workforce: A National Survey of Autistic Employees on Their Workplace Experience — and What Employers Need to Know. Completed in 2026, this mixed-methods study was developed and led by NEXT for AUTISM, in partnership with Sago, a global research firm, and funded by the Anita Bhatia Foundation for Tomorrow. Read the full report: https://nextforautism.org/inside-the-autistic-workplace/ Chapters 00:00 What the data finally proves 02:12 The strengths-based research approach 03:00 High job satisfaction, hidden cost 04:22 Masking is a second job running in the background 06:06 Why the manager relationship matters most 07:29 What 73% disclosure really means 10:09 The accommodations gap 11:34 Building support outside of work 12:46 The disproportionate burden on autistic women 14:13 Late diagnosis and the workplace 15:21 AuDHD: two operating systems competing 17:47 What workplaces need to do differently 20:27 The neurodivergent manager effect 20:47 Autistic feedback as operational intelligence 23:37 The report, the grants program, and how to take action About AuDHD Boss I'm Brett Whitmarsh — late-diagnosed AuDHD, former corporate people manager, and host of AuDHD Boss. This show is about what work actually looks like for neurodivergent professionals, and what managers, HR teams, and leaders need to understand to stop losing this talent. Free Accommodations Prep Guide: https://payhip.com/b/j0rvk Work with me or book a corporate training: https://audhdboss.com

Most workplace advice was built for neurotypical brains. Dr. Ludmila Praslova's The Canary Code was built for the rest of us. Brett sits down with Dr. Praslova — organizational psychologist, Vanguard University professor, 2025 Thinkers50 Talent Award winner, and the first person to publish in Harvard Business Review from an autistic perspective. Her book reframes the coal-mine metaphor through what we now understand about neurodivergent brains. The canary isn't the victim of the story. The canary is the employee whose biology lets them sense problems first. Neurodivergent people — those of us with autism, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexia, Tourette's, and other ways of processing the world — are playing that role in modern workplaces. We notice broken workflows, toxic culture, and ethical drift before anyone else does. Most organizations treat the signal as the problem. This conversation covers what to do instead — the six principles of The Canary Code, the Platinum Rule, the derailers that quietly kill neurodiversity work, and how to navigate a workplace that isn't ready to change yet. Get the book: https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798890571601 Connect with Dr. Praslova: thecanarycode.com Chapters (00:00) Introduction (02:38) The Real History of Canaries in Coal Mines (04:24) Why Neurodivergent Brains Sense Toxicity First (05:19) "Sensitive Does Not Mean Broken" (06:37) The Six Principles of The Canary Code (09:53) The Platinum Rule and Holistic Belonging (13:19) Why Common Sense Isn't Common Practice (16:48) Derailers That Kill Neurodiversity Work (19:00) Navigating Managers Without Burning Out (25:09) Why We Need More Neurodivergent Leaders (25:56) Where to Find The Canary Code If you're an HR or L&D leader interested in bringing this work into your organization, I offer corporate training and consulting. Email brett@audhdboss.com .

Getting a diagnosis as an adult can feel like an answer. Then you're sitting with that information, years into a career, with no real roadmap for what comes next. You don't know what you need. You don't know how to ask for it. And you're not sure whether telling your employer is going to help you or hurt you. Brett continues his conversation with Dr. Bowen Marshall, PhD — licensed psychotherapist, author, and career coach specializing in ADHD, Autism, and neurodivergent career development. Dr. Marshall works with ADHDers, AuDHDers, and Autistics to help them build the systems, workflows, and strategies that let them thrive at work and in life. This episode gets into what late diagnosis actually looks like from a therapeutic perspective — why so many late-diagnosed adults don't yet know what they need even after getting a diagnosis, and how burnout accumulates when you've spent years running your nervous system without the right supports in place. They also cover the disclosure decision directly. Not a simple yes or no, but a real framework for thinking through who benefits, what the risks are, and how to read your specific workplace before making a call that has actual career consequences. Dr. Marshall closes with something worth sitting with: rejection is protection. This is Part 2 of a two-part conversation. Part 1 covers the AuDHD leadership trap, unspoken corporate rules, and the real difference between masking and code switching. Linked below. Connect with Dr. Bowen Marshall: Substack: https://substack.com/@bowentylermarshall TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbotyler https://www.YouTube.com/ @DrBoTyler Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Drbotyler

Making friends as a neurodivergent adult is harder than anyone tells you — and there are real, brain-based reasons why. This isn't a willpower problem or a personality flaw. It's a wiring difference that nobody ever explained to most of us. Caroline Maguire is a social-emotional learning expert, TEDx speaker, and neurodivergent person herself — ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities. Her new book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults , is the practical, science-backed guide most of us needed years ago. This is Part 1 of our conversation — the personal side. We get into why friendship feels so unintuitive for ND brains, the mindsets that quietly sabotage your connections before you realize it, what flooding and anxious overcorrection actually look like in practice, and how to stop masking your way into rooms that will never be right for you. Part 2 — workplace friendships, trust, and navigating ND social dynamics on the job — drops next week. What we cover: Why the "friendship should be easy" myth hits differently when you're late-diagnosed How your past experiences are secretly running your social life right now Finding what actually fills your connection cup — and stopping what doesn't Masking vs. authentic connection, and why masking costs you the friendships you want Flooding, triggers, and the "writing a story" spiral after a social event Anxious overcorrection — why we send 45 texts explaining the thing People pleasing, rushing in, and the fortress mindset 📖 Get Caroline's book: https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781538773086z

Getting promoted because you're good at your job is the easy part. Most AuDHD professionals find out quickly that the role they were promoted into requires skills nobody taught them and nobody mentioned were part of the deal. Brett sits down with Dr. Bowen Marshall, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, author, and career coach specializing in ADHD, Autism, and neurodivergent career development. Dr. Marshall works with ADHDers, AuDHDers, and Autistics to help them build systems, workflows, and leadership approaches that work for their brains at work and in life. The conversation starts where a lot of AuDHD careers start to get complicated: outperforming everyone around you, getting promoted because of it, and then discovering that managing people is a completely different job than doing the work. Dr. Marshall introduces a Harvard Business Review leadership framework that describes this pattern specifically. From there they get into the unwritten rules most corporate environments run on, how warmth and competence function as the two factors that shape how you're perceived at work, and what happens when you're four steps ahead of the room and keep getting dismissed for it. The conversation closes on a distinction worth understanding clearly: the difference between masking and code switching. Most people treat these as the same thing. They aren't, and the difference matters when you're trying to figure out where your energy is actually going. This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation. Part 2 covers late diagnosis, burnout, and the decision of whether to disclose your diagnosis at work. Connect with Dr. Bowen Marshall: Substack: https://substack.com/@bowentylermarshall TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbotyler YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrBoTyler Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Drbotyler Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:33 Technical skill vs. leadership skill 03:55 The Pacesetter Leadership Style 06:35 From expert to teacher 07:48 "Don't be too good at your job" 09:00 Unspoken corporate rules 11:59 Warmth and competence 12:42 The Cassandra Effect 15:03 Calibrating what you share at work 16:13 Masking vs. code switching 19:36 Companies and neurodivergent brains 20:56 Burnout and entrepreneurship ABOUT AUDHD BOSS:AuDHD Boss is Brett Whitmarsh's channel covering ADHD and Autism in the workplace. Brett has over 12 years of leadership experience and a formal diagnosis of ADHD and Autism.Substack: https://substack.com/@brettwhitmarsh Website: https://audhdboss.com

Most neurodivergent employees don't know what accommodations they can ask for — and without that, the process stalls before it starts. In this episode, I walk through the 10 most commonly requested AuDHD workplace accommodations according to Job Accommodation Network data, with the exact functional limitation language and scripting you can adapt for your own request. Each accommodation includes the framing the JAN recommends, plus real-world context from someone who spent over 12 years in corporate leadership — including as a VP — before their own late ADHD and autism diagnosis. We cover quiet workspaces, noise-canceling headphones, remote work, written follow-up after verbal instructions, flexible scheduling, structured check-ins, structured breaks, advance notice of changes, assistive technology, and neurodiversity coaching through an EAP. For every one, you'll hear why it works and exactly how to say it. Free resource: The AuDHD Accommodations Prep Guide — Know What to Ask For and How to Say It is linked below. payhip.com/b/j0rvk

If you're neurodivergent and considering a workplace accommodation request, disclosure is probably the thing stopping you. Do you have to tell HR you're autistic or have ADHD? Who else finds out? The answer is more nuanced than most people explain — and in this episode, I'm giving you the version that holds up, including the part most content on this topic gets wrong. We cover the informal path (manager only, no HR, no paperwork) versus what actually happens once the formal process starts. What the ADA protects — and what it doesn't. And the practical call on who to approach first, with real context from someone who has been on the management side of this conversation. Free resource: Download The AuDHD Accommodations Prep Guide — Know What to Ask For and How to Say It at http://payhip.com/b/j0rvk Topics: ADHD at work, autism at work, AuDHD, workplace accommodations, ADA accommodations, disability disclosure, how to request accommodations, neurodivergent employees, HR and disability, accommodation request process

In this episode, I’m talking about emotional flooding at work and what it feels like for me as someone with ADHD and autism. I share how misunderstanding, conflict, masking, and nervous system overload can affect my processing, my body, and the rest of my day. I also talk about what helps me move through it and why context and thoughtful communication matter so much at work. Chapter: 00:00 What emotional flooding is for me 01:46 What happens in my body 03:32 Masking while overwhelmed 05:08 Why I need verbal processing 06:46 Spiraling and trying not to react 08:10 The crash afterward 08:58 When more context changes everything 10:43 Why this matters at work Resources mentioned: Substack: [link] Coaching: [link] Workbook: [link] Caroline Maguire: [link] Bridget’s post: [link]

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.” Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith , they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program —inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received. In this episode we talk about: What purity culture is (and how it became a movement) How shame and fear shape relationships and identity Why rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your values What “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing “Is it too late?” (No. Ever.) Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timeline How to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for it Links & resources: Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304 Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-program More from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com (For education and lived experience—not medical advice.) 00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking 00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules 01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide 02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific) 04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits) 05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating 07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book) 10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught 12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection 14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap 16:04 Replacing rules with your values 18:02 What “deconstruction” means 18:47 “Is it too late?” 21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence” 24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold 28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing 30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica

What was that moment you thought, “Oh… I think I have ADHD” ? In this episode, I’m joined by Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus) and Erik Gude (Hey Gude) —the authors of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults —for a practical, honest conversation about what it actually looks like to live with ADHD as an adult . We talk about why so much “helpful” advice doesn’t work for ADHD brains, how to build systems you can restart without shame, and what support can look like when you’re late-diagnosed (including when ADHD overlaps with autism/AuDHD). And yes—we also go into the adult stuff: relationships, intimacy, sex, communication, and the parts of ADHD life people don’t always say out loud. In this episode, we cover: How Cate and Erik approached writing a book as two people with ADHD Executive dysfunction, motivation, and why “simple” solutions often fail ADHD-friendly systems, accommodations, and sustainable routines ADHD and relationships: intimacy, communication, and repair Self-compassion and personal responsibility—holding both at once The ADHD Field Guide for Adults If you enjoyed this episode, please follow/subscribe and leave a review—it helps more neurodivergent adults find the show.

Self-esteem has been a complicated one for me as an AuDHD adult (autism + ADHD). I can be confident and capable in certain areas—and then hit a wall in others and immediately start wondering, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do the thing?” In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about how AuDHD can impact self-esteem for me—especially on the other side of diagnosis—along with what I try when I feel a spiral coming on. I talk about internalized ableism and masking, imposter syndrome at work, what it looks like when my body knows I’m overwhelmed before I do (alexithymia), and how I anchor back to what I know is true. This isn’t a “you should” episode. It’s me being honest about what it feels like in my brain—and what I’m experimenting with to build self-trust. Resources mentioned Neurodivergent Insights glossary (alexithymia): https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergent-insights-glossary/ Self-Care Activities for Autistic People card deck (Dr. Megan Anna Neff): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507225066 Show notes bullets (for apps that surface these): AuDHD and why it can feel “not quite ADHD, not quite autism” Strengths vs. struggles and the imposter syndrome gap “A different way in” — reframing walls without self-blame Support without shame (reducing steps, ordering takeout when needed) Alexithymia + body cues + spiraling thoughts Anchoring to what I know is true + a 20–22 minute reset Practicing pride: “take the win”