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Published by Kayla Reilly MSW, LCSW
Life is messy, relationships are complicated, and let’s be real—mental health can feel like a full-time job. If you’re looking for down-to-earth, no-BS conversations about navigating stress, relationships, and personal growth, you’re in the right place. I’m Kayla Reilly , a licensed therapist, entrepreneur, and real-life human who knows that wellness isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding what actually works for you. This show is for anyone who wants approachable mental health tools, relatable insights, and a little humor along the way. Each episode, we break down the good, the bad, and the downright frustrating parts of life— from managing anxiety and breaking toxic patterns to setting boundaries and creating balance (without the guilt). No therapy jargon, no fluff—just real talk and practical strategies to help you feel more grounded in your everyday life. Hit play, get comfortable, and let’s figure this life thing out together.
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Send us Fan Mail Are you trying to break generational cycles but still find yourself losing your patience with your kids? If you've ever yelled, felt guilty, and immediately thought, "I'm turning into my parents," you're not alone. In this episode, I'm sharing three practical ways to become a calmer parent without becoming permissive. We'll talk about emotional regulation, why behavior is communication, how to repair after conflict, and why your kids don't need a perfect parent—they need one who's willing to take accountability. Whether you grew up with emotionally immature parents or you're simply trying to parent differently than you were raised, this episode will give you practical tools to help you respond instead of react. In this episode, you'll learn: Why calm parenting starts with regulating yourself How to understand what your child's behavior is really communicating Why repair is more important than perfection How to break generational cycles without expecting yourself to be a perfect parent Simple mindset shifts that help you build emotional safety in your home If this episode encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another parent who's trying to raise emotionally healthy kids. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Want to know one of the biggest mistakes couples make during conflict? They assume they know why their partner did something instead of getting curious. As a therapist, I've seen this one communication habit completely change the way couples argue. Most relationship fights aren't just about dirty dishes, forgotten texts, or who's picking up the kids—they're about the stories we tell ourselves about our partner's intentions. In this episode, I'm breaking down why our brains jump to conclusions (especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional family), how childhood experiences shape the way we communicate in adulthood, and one simple shift that can instantly create more connection in your marriage. We'll talk about assumptions, curiosity, emotional safety, attachment wounds, and why healthy communication isn't about winning arguments—it's about understanding each other. In this episode, you'll learn: The communication habit that improves almost every relationship Why your brain assumes the worst when you're hurt How childhood trauma and emotionally immature parents impact your marriage The difference between curiosity and criticism Simple questions that help you connect instead of escalate conflict Whether you've been married for 20 years or you're just trying to communicate better with your partner, this episode will give you one practical tool you can start using today. If this episode helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and send it to your spouse (yes... I'm talking to you 😉). Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Do you feel responsible for everyone else's emotions? Do you change your mood based on your partner's mood? Walk on eggshells around your parents? Feel guilty when someone is disappointed in you? Constantly scan the room to make sure everyone else is okay? If so, you might still be living by the survival rules you learned in childhood. In this episode, I explain why adult children of dysfunctional and emotionally immature families become hyperaware of everyone else's emotions, why people-pleasing isn't your personality (it's a survival strategy), and how to stop organizing your entire life around keeping other people comfortable. We'll talk about emotional responsibility, nervous system responses, boundaries, people-pleasing, and one mindset shift that can completely change how you show up in your relationships. If you've ever wondered why someone else's bad mood can ruin your entire day, this episode is for you. In this episode, you'll learn: Why you feel responsible for everyone else's emotions How dysfunctional families create hypervigilance The hidden cost of people-pleasing How to stop absorbing everyone else's feelings A simple exercise to help you start choosing yourself If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to stop surviving and start becoming themselves. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Think boundaries are all about finding the perfect script? Nope. One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is believing boundaries are supposed to make other people change. That's not a boundary—that's a wish. If you've ever overexplained yourself, felt guilty after saying no, or wondered why your boundaries "never work," this episode is for you. I'm breaking down why people-pleasers struggle so much with boundaries, what healthy boundaries actually look like, and the mindset shift that changed everything for me and my clients. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, chances are you learned to prioritize everyone else's feelings over your own. Today, we're putting an end to that. In this episode we'll cover: Why your boundaries keep failing The difference between boundaries and requests Why overexplaining is usually anxiety in disguise How to set boundaries without trying to control other people The one question you should ask yourself before every boundary If this episode helped you, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to stop people-pleasing and start choosing themselves. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Have you always felt like the black sheep of your family? Like no matter what you do... you just don't fit in? Maybe you've been called too sensitive, too emotional, too dramatic, or too difficult. Maybe you're the one who questions unhealthy family dynamics while everyone else acts like nothing is wrong. Or maybe you've spent your entire life wondering, "Why am I so different from everyone else?" What if the problem isn't that you don't fit in... What if the problem is that your family required you to betray yourself in order to belong? In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we're unpacking the psychology of the black sheep and why so many cycle breakers grow up feeling like outsiders in their own families. We'll cover: Why dysfunctional families often need a "black sheep" The difference between fitting in and truly belonging How family roles like the scapegoat, peacekeeper, and golden child keep dysfunction alive Why speaking the truth can make you the family villain Why setting boundaries often leads to backlash How to stop believing you're "too much" and start seeing yourself through a healthier lens If you've ever felt like you're the only one who sees the dysfunction... or you've questioned your own reality because everyone else insists "that's just how our family is," this episode is for you. Because here's the truth: The black sheep isn't usually rejected for being broken. They're rejected for refusing to participate in a broken system. 🎧 Tune in and discover why not fitting into your dysfunctional family may be one of the healthiest things about you. And if you're ready to stop falling back into the same family role every holiday, phone call, and family gathering, check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook in the show notes. It's my step-by-step framework to help you understand your family dynamics, set boundaries that actually work, and become the cycle breaker your family never expected. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Your sibling may have hurt you... but where were the adults? We normalize sibling abuse all the time. "That's just brothers." "Sisters fight." "Stop tattling." "Be the bigger person." But what happens when it wasn't just normal sibling conflict? What if your sibling constantly bullied, humiliated, manipulated, intimidated, or even physically hurt you... and your parents minimized it, ignored it, or expected you to deal with it on your own? In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we're unpacking the hidden role parents play in sibling abuse and why many painful sibling relationships are actually symptoms of a dysfunctional family system—not just "bad siblings." We'll talk about: The difference between healthy sibling conflict and sibling abuse How favoritism, comparison, and scapegoating create lifelong sibling divides Why emotional neglect allows sibling abuse to continue The lasting effects of growing up with an abusive sibling What emotionally healthy parents do differently How to begin healing if no one protected you as a child If you've spent years blaming yourself, wondering if you were "too sensitive," or struggling with guilt over distancing yourself from a sibling, this episode may completely change the way you understand your childhood. Because healing isn't just recognizing who hurt you. Sometimes it's recognizing who failed to protect you. 🎧 Listen now, and if this episode resonates, share it with someone who's still carrying the weight of a childhood they were told to "just get over." #SiblingAbuse #ChildhoodTrauma #FamilyTrauma #EmotionallyImmatureParents #CycleBreakers If you're tired of leaving family gatherings anxious, guilty, or wondering, "Why did I do that again?" this course is for you. The Dysfunctional Family Playbook gives you the practical tools to understand your triggers, stop falling into old family roles, recognize manipulation, and protect your peace—before, during, and after difficult family interactions. 🎉 Learn more & enroll: Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Think PTSD only happens to soldiers or people who have experienced one major traumatic event? Think again. If you grew up in a home where you constantly walked on eggshells, felt responsible for your parents' emotions, never knew what version of Mom or Dad you were going to get, or learned that love had to be earned... there's a chance you've been living with the effects of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) without ever realizing it. In this episode, I'm breaking down what Complex PTSD actually is , why so many adult children of dysfunctional and emotionally immature parents don't recognize it, and how childhood trauma continues to shape your relationships, boundaries, confidence, and nervous system long after you've left home. We'll cover: What Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is—and how it's different from PTSD. The childhood experiences that can lead to Complex PTSD. Common symptoms like people-pleasing, hypervigilance, emotional flashbacks, perfectionism, anxiety, and difficulty trusting yourself. Why so many high-functioning adults don't realize they're living in survival mode. What healing from childhood trauma and family dysfunction actually looks like. Here's the truth: You don't have to experience one catastrophic event to be traumatized. Sometimes trauma is growing up in an environment where you never truly felt emotionally safe. If you've ever wondered, "Why do I react this way?" or "Why can't I just let things go?" this episode will help you understand that your reactions aren't random—they're adaptations. 🎙️ Subscribe for more episodes on Complex PTSD, childhood trauma, emotionally immature parents, dysfunctional family dynamics, people-pleasing, parentification, boundaries, emotional neglect, and breaking the cycle. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Are therapists really encouraging too many people to go no contact with their parents? The New York Times recently raised that question... and I think they're asking the wrong one. As a trauma therapist who works with adult children of dysfunctional and emotionally immature families every day, I've seen both sides. Going no contact can be life-changing for some people—and completely unnecessary for others. The real question isn't "Are therapists causing family estrangement?" It's "What happens when someone has spent their entire life surviving family dysfunction?" In this episode, we're talking about: Why the conversation around going no contact is so oversimplified. When no contact may be appropriate—and when other boundaries might be enough. The difference between protecting your peace and cutting people off. Why guilt keeps so many adult children stuck in unhealthy family dynamics. How emotionally immature parents, family roles, and childhood trauma shape these decisions. What healing actually looks like if you want to break the cycle. If you grew up walking on eggshells, managing your parents' emotions, or wondering whether you're "the problem," this episode is for you. Because healing isn't about following internet advice. It's about making decisions from a place of freedom instead of survival. 🎙️ Subscribe for more conversations about childhood trauma, emotionally immature parents, dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, people-pleasing, parentification, and becoming the cycle breaker your family never had. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail What is dissociation , and why does it happen? In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast , licensed therapist Kayla Reilly explains dissociation in simple, relatable terms so you can understand why your brain "checks out" during stress, conflict, or trauma—and what you can do to reconnect. If you've ever felt numb during an argument, forgotten parts of your childhood, zoned out while driving, or felt disconnected from your emotions, you may have experienced dissociation. Learn why it's one of your brain's most powerful survival strategies, how it develops after childhood trauma, and practical grounding techniques to help you become more present and support your healing. In this episode, you'll learn: What dissociation is and how it differs from everyday zoning out Why trauma and childhood adversity can lead to dissociation Common signs and symptoms of dissociation How to recognize when you're dissociating Why dissociation makes trauma recovery more challenging Grounding techniques to help you reconnect with your body and the present moment How trauma therapy helps reduce dissociation over time Why your brain developed dissociation—and why it isn't your fault Whether you're healing from childhood trauma, emotionally immature parents, narcissistic family dynamics, or chronic stress, this episode will help you better understand your nervous system and take the first steps toward feeling more connected, present, and emotionally safe. 💜 Follow me on Instagram: @the_spicyshrink for practical mental health education on trauma, nervous system healing, dysfunctional family dynamics, boundaries, and breaking generational cycles. 🎁 Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz & Workbook to discover how the survival strategies you developed in childhood may still be influencing your relationships and emotional well-being today. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to Not Your Therapist Podcast , leave a review, and share it with someone who's learning to heal from trauma and reconnect with themselves. #Dissociation #TraumaHealing #ChildhoodTrauma #ComplexPTSD #NervousSystem #GroundingTechniques #MentalHealthPodcast #TherapyPodcast #EmotionalImmaturity #DysfunctionalFamily #TraumaRecovery #EMDR #HealingJourney #CycleBreaker #MentalHealth Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail What is the Gray Rock Method , and does it actually work? In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast , licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down the psychology behind the Gray Rock Method, where it came from, who it was designed for, and how to use it when dealing with emotionally immature parents, narcissistic family members, toxic relationships, or high-conflict people. If you've ever left a conversation feeling emotionally drained, manipulated, or like you somehow got pulled into another unnecessary argument, this episode is for you. You'll learn why some people thrive on emotional reactions, when gray rocking is an effective boundary strategy, and when it can actually do more harm than good. In this episode, you'll learn: What the Gray Rock Method is Who created the Gray Rock Method and why The psychology behind why gray rocking works How to use the Gray Rock Method with narcissistic parents and emotionally immature family members Real-life examples of gray rocking during difficult conversations When not to use the Gray Rock Method The difference between gray rocking and healthy communication How to protect your peace without escalating conflict If you're healing from a dysfunctional family, navigating emotionally immature parents, setting boundaries with toxic family members, or recovering from childhood trauma, this episode will give you practical tools you can start using today. 💜 Follow me on Instagram: @thespicyshrink for more therapist-backed content on dysfunctional families, emotional immaturity, boundaries, and breaking generational cycles. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who's learning to protect their peace. #GrayRockMethod #EmotionallyImmatureParents #NarcissisticParents #DysfunctionalFamily #FamilyTrauma #Boundaries #PeoplePleasing #MentalHealthPodcast #TherapyPodcast #ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalImmaturity #HealingJourney #CycleBreaker #ToxicFamily #Relationships Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Passive-aggressive comments from emotionally immature family members can leave you questioning yourself long after the conversation is over. In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast , licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down the psychology behind passive aggression, why emotionally immature parents and family members rely on it, and how to respond without getting pulled into the drama. You'll learn why comments like "I was just joking," "Must be nice," and "Wow, you're brave for wearing that" feel so unsettling, the role emotional immaturity plays in indirect communication, and a simple strategy that can stop passive-aggressive behavior in its tracks. In this episode, we cover: What passive aggression really is Why emotionally immature people use passive-aggressive comments The psychology of plausible deniability Why you replay these conversations in your head How to respond without arguing or over-explaining The power of silence and asking, "What did you mean by that?" How to set boundaries with toxic or emotionally immature family members If you're healing from a dysfunctional family, narcissistic parents, emotionally immature parents, or toxic family dynamics, this episode will help you stop second-guessing yourself and start responding with confidence. 💜 Follow me on Instagram: @the_spicyshrink 🎁 Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz & Workbook to discover how your childhood role may still be affecting your relationships today. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. #PassiveAggressive #EmotionallyImmatureParents #NarcissisticParents #DysfunctionalFamily #FamilyTrauma #ChildhoodTrauma #HealingJourney #PeoplePleasing #Boundaries #MentalHealthPodcast #TherapyPodcast #Relationships #EmotionalImmaturity #CycleBreaker #FamilyHealing Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Were you the "adult" in your childhood home — managing your parent's moods, mediating fights, or holding everyone else's feelings before you were ever allowed to have your own? That's called emotional parentification, and it's one of the most common (and most overlooked) forms of childhood trauma. In this episode, licensed therapist Kayla breaks down what emotional parentification actually looks like, the roles kids get assigned (the Fixer, the Mediator, the Invisible One, the Achiever), and how it wires you for anxiety, overfunctioning, and people-pleasing well into adulthood. We're also unpacking why "they did their best" isn't always the healing sentence people think it is — and what real recovery from childhood emotional neglect actually requires. If you've ever felt guilty resting, struggled to identify your own needs, or found yourself managing everyone else's emotions in every relationship you're in — this episode is for you. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Do you have anxiety… or are you just overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stuck in survival mode? In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down the signs of high-functioning anxiety that many women miss — including overthinking, irritability, perfectionism, people pleasing, hypervigilance, and physical symptoms like exhaustion and chest tightness. We’ll talk about how childhood experiences, emotional unpredictability, burnout, and nervous system dysregulation can shape anxiety in adulthood — and why so many high-achieving women feel constantly ‘on edge’ even when life looks fine from the outside. If your brain never shuts off and relaxing feels impossible… this episode is for you. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Why are you SO good at reading the room? Why does conflict feel like an actual threat to your body? Why do you feel guilty resting, overthink every interaction, and act like everyone else’s emotional support animal? Yeah… your childhood might have something to do with that. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly breaks down how growing up around emotionally immature, emotionally unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe adults can wire your nervous system for anxiety, hypervigilance, people pleasing, conflict avoidance, and chronic stress. We’re talking about: Hypervigilance & trauma responses Parentification & emotional monitoring The fawn response Why emotionally invalidating parents create anxious adults Functional anxiety & productivity addiction Why rest can actually feel unsafe The psychology behind people pleasing and overexplaining Childhood trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and emotional survival strategies If you’ve ever: felt responsible for everyone’s emotions panicked after conflict replayed conversations in your head for 3 business days struggled to relax without feeling guilty attracted emotionally unavailable people or felt like you had to “earn” love by being useful… this episode is going to call you out a little bit. But lovingly. This is your reminder that these patterns are not personality flaws — they’re adaptations your nervous system developed to survive emotionally unsafe environments. And healing means learning that you can have needs, disappoint people, rest, take up space, and still be safe. Subscribe to Not Your Therapist for therapist-backed conversations about anxiety, trauma, dysfunctional family systems, relationships, emotional regulation, attachment styles, and becoming a healthier human without the clinical robot energy. And if this episode made you feel personally attacked in the best way possible… leave a 5-star review. It feeds my abandonment wounds. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Mother’s Day can bring up a lot more than brunch plans and flower deliveries. For many people, it brings up grief, guilt, resentment, anxiety, and the complicated reality of loving your mom while still carrying pain from the relationship. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , Kayla Reilly breaks down the mother wound: what it is, how it shows up in adulthood, and why your mom’s voice may still be living rent-free in your head. We’re talking about emotionally unavailable mothers, critical moms, enmeshed relationships, emotional parentification, people-pleasing, boundaries, self-worth, and the grief of not getting the mothering you needed. You’ll learn 5 ways to start dealing with the mom stuff you’re still carrying, including how to recognize your inherited inner critic, grieve what you didn’t get, set healthier boundaries, and begin reparenting yourself without pretending the past didn’t hurt. Because “she did her best” and “it still hurt me” can both be true. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Friendships in your 20s felt easy. Friendships in your 30s? They can feel confusing, inconsistent… and if we’re being honest, a little harder than you expected. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , Kayla is breaking down why adult friendships shift — and why you might find yourself overthinking texts, questioning the vibe after a hangout, or wondering if you’re slowly drifting from people you care about. Because it’s not just you. We’re talking about: Why friendships require more effort in your 30s (and why that’s normal) How life changes — kids, work, mental load — impact connection The reason you might be overthinking interactions or reading into silence What’s actually happening when friendships start to feel different The truth about outgrowing certain relationships How to adjust your expectations so friendships feel easier (and less stressful) If you’ve ever left a hangout thinking, “Wait… was that weird?” or stared at your phone wondering why someone hasn’t texted back — this episode will make you feel seen. Because friendships aren’t broken. They’re just evolving. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Resentment in marriage doesn’t usually come from one big moment. It builds slowly… quietly… and often without you even realizing it. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re talking about how resentment actually forms in relationships — and why so many couples find themselves feeling irritated, disconnected, and emotionally distant without fully understanding why. Because more often than not, it’s not about the dishes, the laundry, or the little things you’re arguing about. It’s about the pattern underneath. We’ll cover: How resentment builds over time (not overnight) The connection between overfunctioning and feeling unsupported Why doing “more and more” can actually create distance in your marriage The role of unspoken expectations and unmet needs How resentment grows when you consistently override your own needs What to start doing instead if you want to feel more connected If you’ve ever found yourself snapping at your partner and thinking, “Why am I so irritated all the time?” — this episode will help you understand what’s really going on. Because resentment isn’t about one moment. It’s about what’s been building all along. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Everyone is a narcissist these days… at least according to the internet. But what does narcissism actually mean? And more importantly — how do you know if you’re dealing with it in real life? In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re breaking down narcissism in a way that’s clear, grounded, and actually useful. Kayla starts with the original story of Narcissus and Echo — a myth that surprisingly mirrors modern relationship dynamics — before unpacking what narcissism looks like today, what’s happening underneath the surface, and why the term gets thrown around so loosely. We’ll cover: What narcissism actually is (and why it exists on a spectrum) The difference between narcissistic traits vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) What’s happening under the surface — including insecurity, shame, and emotional avoidance The different types of narcissism (grandiose, vulnerable, and communal) What narcissism is not (and why labeling everything as narcissism can be misleading) A better question to ask instead of “Are they a narcissist?” If you’ve ever questioned a relationship, felt unseen, or wondered if you’re dealing with narcissistic behavior, this episode will help you make sense of it — without jumping to labels. Because at the end of the day: You don’t need a diagnosis to decide something isn’t healthy for you. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail Tantrums are one of the most triggering parts of parenting… and if we’re being honest, sometimes it feels easier to just give in and make it stop. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re talking about what tantrums actually mean, why giving in backfires, and how well-meaning parents unintentionally reinforce entitled behavior without realizing it. Because here’s the truth: It’s not about the tantrum — it’s about what your child learns from your response to it. Kayla shares her own experience as a mom navigating meltdowns, the internal pull to “fix it,” and what it really takes to stay consistent when your child is losing it. We’ll cover: Why you should never give in during a tantrum (and what that teaches your child) The difference between validation and reinforcement Why labeling behavior as “bad” can actually create more problems How to give your child structured choices without losing control What your role actually is in the middle of a meltdown If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I know I shouldn’t give in… but I just want this to end,” this episode is for you. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Send us Fan Mail You’re overwhelmed. Your schedule is full. You’re already stretched thin… …and somehow, you still say yes to more. In this episode of Not Your Therapist , we’re breaking down why people overcommit when they’re already drowning — and why this isn’t actually a time management problem. Using a real-life example (yes… including fostering puppies at the worst possible time), we dive into the deeper psychology behind overcommitment, people-pleasing, and the hidden belief that “I don’t matter.” Because the truth is: You’re not doing too much because you’re capable. You’re doing too much because slowing down feels uncomfortable. We’ll cover: Why overcommitment is often emotional avoidance The link between overfunctioning and self-worth How staying busy protects you from deeper feelings The subtle ways you abandon yourself without realizing it One simple question to help you start choosing differently If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why did I say yes to this?” — this episode is for you. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content. ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up. ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently? Check out The Dysfunctional Family Playbook and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly . See you next week, friend. 💛
Ranking source
Apple Podcasts rankings via the Mato Topic Intelligence Platform.
Observed September 20, 2026. Cached outside the daily freshness window; the positions keep the date they were taken on.
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