Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon

In this episode of Sex For Couples , Heather Shannon talks with relationship coach Ally Iseman about non-monogamy, consensual open relationships, and how to build a sex life and relationship that's designed on purpose instead of running on autopilot. They get into why exclusivity and commitment aren't the same thing, why jealousy shows up in monogamous relationships too, and how monogamous couples can borrow the same tools non-monogamous couples use to keep things exciting. Ally is the founder of Passport to Pleasure, offering relationship coaching and curated travel experiences for couples who want to have the conversations they don't get to have anywhere else. She and Heather talk about relationship scripts, the difference between fantasy and desire, why living together or splitting things a certain way isn't required for commitment, and why curiosity — not effort — is the real antidote to a stuck sex life. In this episode: Why exclusivity and commitment are not the same thing Jealousy is an emotional experience, not a character trait — and it shows up in monogamous relationships too The difference between a fantasy and a desire, and why you can share one without acting on it How "relationship scripts" (living together, marriage, monogamy by default) keep couples from designing what actually works for them Why avoiding a hard conversation with your partner is still a choice, not neutral How non-monogamous couples build novelty and variety — and how monogamous couples can borrow the same tools Why your sex life is supposed to change over time, and what that means for your relationship Connect with Ally Iseman: Website: https://www.passport2pleasure.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyiseman Connect with Heather: Stuck In A Sex Rut? Take the free quiz: TheBetterBedroom.com Work with Heather As Your Coach: https://HeatherShannon.co This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Stuck in a sex rut? Take the free quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com If you've ever wondered if you're sexually repressed or inhibited, this is the eipsode for you! Discover the signs that you're sexually inhibited, why so many people hold back sexually and what to do to become more sexually authentic and free to be yourself! Let your freak flag (or vanilla flag) fly. Host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon goes over common patterns she sees with clients as well as her own past experiences feeling repressed and uncomfortable with sexuality. In this episode, Heather shares practical ways to notice when you are holding back, how to talk about desires with a partner, and how to work with the parts of yourself that feel protective or ashamed. Key topics Sexual inhibition can show up as keeping fantasies private, staying quiet during sex, or feeling like your desires are weird or inappropriate. A “low libido” may actually be hidden desire that has been buried by self-judgment, fear of being judged, or difficulty naming wants. Private sexual interests, like porn fantasies, romance novels, or kink scenarios, can be a sign that part of your sexuality is not being shared with a partner. Cultural conditioning plays a major role, including messages from family, friends, school, church, purity culture, and gender socialization. Safety matters first. Heather notes that sexual inhibition can be tied to real concerns about unwanted attention, objectification, and sexual aggression. Substance use during sex can be a clue that inhibition is getting in the way of pleasure and ease. Timestamps 00:00 - What sexual inhibition is and what this episode will cover 00:31 - Signs you may be repressed or censoring yourself 05:36 - How socialization teaches people what sex is “allowed” to be 06:06 - Church, purity culture, and shame-based sexual messaging 07:03 - Sexual safety, unwanted attention, and guardedness 09:25 - Family modeling, mixed examples, and emotional risk around sex 13:36 - How civilization can lead us to exile our primal side 15:00 - Reconciling the proper self with the sexual self 16:25 - Integrating lust and emotional connection 17:24 - Using parts work to welcome the more wild parts 19:50 - How sharing desires can create intimacy and closeness 20:49 - Substance use as a sign that inhibition may be present 21:10 - Befriending the protective inner voice 21:40 - Freeing your sexuality without needing to be stereotypically wild 23:06 - How to ask for curiosity and safety from a partner Looking for coaching? Request a free consultation with Heather: Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Feeling stuck in your sex life? Take the free quiz to find your sexy spark again: https://thebetterbedroom.com SEX WITH ADHD You're in the middle of sex and somehow your brain wanders off to grocery lists, Hamilton the musical, or the ceiling fan clicking. Then the shame kicks in. If that's you, this episode is going to change how you think about it completely. Heather sits down with Cate Osborn, ADHD content creator, sex educator, and best-selling author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to break down what ADHD and neurodivergence actually have to do with sex and intimacy. Spoiler: everything. They cover why the ADHD brain treats sex like just another series of tasks (same as making a sandwich), why kink might be the most naturally ADHD-friendly toolbox there is, how executive dysfunction shows up in the bedroom, the surprising links between ADHD and erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulty, and hormonal shifts, and, for partners of someone with ADHD, where explanation ends and excuse begins. In this episode: 00:00 Intro 01:35 Why so many of Heather's clients turn out to be neurodivergent 02:53 Executive functioning and how it touches every part of your sex life 04:15 The comorbidities nobody talks about (anxiety, OCD, disordered eating) 04:42 What "AuDHD" is and why it matters 06:45 The sexual assault statistics that stopped Heather in her tracks 08:04 Inside The ADHD Field Guide for Adults 14:11 Why kink might be the perfect tool for an ADHD brain 18:20 The real reason you get distracted during sex 23:50 "I'm thinking about Hamilton the musical", checking out mid-sex 25:10 Eye contact, communication, and knowing your own needs 36:12 The partner side: what's fair to ask, and where accountability comes in 44:34 Resentment, parentified relationships, and sex drive 45:43 Orgasm difficulty and erectile dysfunction, explained Curious about coaching with Heather? Book a free Pathway to Passion consult More from Cate Osborn: Instagram Buy The Book This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Feeling stuck in your sex life or wondering how to reignite intimacy with your partner? Take the free quiz at TheBetterBedroom.com to find out what's really going on. Why More Frequent Sex Isn't the Fix You Need Most couples who feel stuck in their sex life assume the answer is just having sex more often. Couples therapist Zach Brittle (host of Marriage Therapy Radio ) joins host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon to explain why chasing frequency backfires, and why sex is actually a skill you build, not something you either have or don't. They dig into what people get wrong when they try to "work harder" at sex, why outcome-focused sex (orgasm, erection, intercourse) narrows what counts as intimacy, and how one couple in Zach's practice eliminated the guesswork around initiation entirely with a simple negotiated system. Topics covered: Why "more sex" is the wrong goal for a low sex life Reframing sex as a skill instead of a talent you either have or don't What "what's it for?" and "what counts?" reveal about your sex life Why rejection in the bedroom is rarely about attraction A real couple's negotiated system for ending initiation anxiety Treating sex like a hobby instead of a performance More from Zach Brittle: Marriage Therapy Radio — https://marriagetherapyradio.com/ More from Heather: AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, host of Sex For Couples. Want personalized support for your relationship? Book a coaching consultation at https://HeatherShannon.co . This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz now! https://TheBetterBedroom.com If you feel more like roommates, co-parents, or logistical planning partners than lovers, your phone might be a bigger part of the problem than you think. In this episode, Heather Shannon — certified sex therapist with 20 years of counseling experience — breaks down what constant phone use is actually doing to your sex drive and your relationship, and how getting present again brings your desire back with it. What You'll Learn 00:02 — Why phone use might be quietly killing your sex life, and what a 2025 University of Connecticut/Columbia study found about phone use, conflict, and intimacy in relationships 02:27 — The societal shift toward disconnection: distracted driving, ignored bids for attention, and the disappearing "hello" when you walk into a shop 04:54 — Why being "in your head" instead of "in your body" is one of the biggest hidden causes of performance anxiety, difficulty orgasming, and disconnection from your partner 07:16 — How to audit your own phone use: what you actually want vs. what your actions show, and why this matters even more for men who weren't encouraged to be in touch with their emotions 09:38 — What you get back when you put the phone down: presence, laughter, working out as a body-awareness practice, and why boredom can actually be good for your sex life 11:52 — The trade-off most people don't examine: what you're sacrificing for a quick dopamine hit (and a mention of the book Dopamine Nation ) 14:15 — Heather's own 48-hour phone experiment: turning off text, WhatsApp, social media, and email for a weekend — and what it did to her nervous system and her sex drive 16:32 — Practical solutions: checking in with yourself before you scroll, using Screen Time/Downtime limits, and why limits alone aren't enough — you have to decide how you actually want to spend your time Join the 30-Day Challenge Heather's considering building a 30-day cell-phone-reducing, relationship-presence-boosting challenge. If that's something you'd want in on, comment "CHALLENGE" on YouTube or Spotify, or email Hello@HeatherShannon.co directly. If there's enough interest, she'll build it. Resources & Links 📋 Take the quiz: TheBetterBedroom.com 📅 Book a consultation call for coaching: HeatherShannon.co 📖 Mentioned in this episode: Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke 🧘 Mentioned in this episode: Eckhart Tolle's perspective on digital society and presence This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Take the free quiz to find out why you're stuck in a sex rut: https://TheBetterBedroom.com What does it actually take to feel dominant in the bedroom, and why do so many of us freeze up when it's our turn to lead? In this episode, Heather sits down with Amanda Dames, a kink consultant and former professional dominatrix, to break down the real skills behind dominance, submission, and power dynamics in a relationship. Amanda spent two years working at a dungeon while holding down a corporate job at the Wall Street Journal, and she brings that hands-on experience into a real conversation about how dominant and submissive roles actually work, how to figure out your own authentic style, and how to vet a partner for safety before you ever get started. They cover the different types of Doms (Master, Traditional Dom, Caretaker Dom, and Pleasure Dom), the different types of submissives (service subs, slaves, baby girls and boys), the red flags that signal an unhealthy power dynamic, and why most of what we see about kink and BDSM in movies sets totally unrealistic expectations. If you're ready to go deeper than a podcast episode, visit https://HeatherShannon.co to request a free consultation and learn about Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program. Timestamps: 0:00 Amanda's path from marine biology to the Wall Street Journal to a Craigslist dominatrix job 4:30 Discovering a more powerful, dominant version of herself 8:00 What a Dom's real job actually is, and how to avoid burnout 17:00 Why you need to talk to your partner before you talk divorce 19:30 How a real negotiation between a Dom and a client actually works 26:30 Why being patient with yourself matters more than getting it right the first time 30:00 The four types of Dominants, explained 36:20 The submissive types, and how to find your own style 37:50 How to vet a Dom (or any partner) for safety 45:00 Why movies like Secretary and Baby Girl are not how-to videos 51:00 Amanda's free worksheet for talking about your desires with confidence Take the free quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com Learn more about Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching: https://HeatherShannon.co Get Amanda's free worksheet, Speaking Your Desires With Confidence: https://AmandaDames.com This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Want help figuring out your own needs before you bring them to your partner? Take the free Intimacy Audit: https://HeatherShannon.co (click the pop-up) In this episode . . . Great sex isn't about mind reading. If you've stayed silent about what you want, tried to bring it up and gotten shut down, or you're with someone who clams up at the mention of sex, this episode gives you six steps to actually say what you need without putting your partner on the defensive. AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon breaks down how to talk about your sexual needs, desires, and fantasies in a way that builds connection instead of conflict. You'll learn the difference between framing something as a "need" versus a "want," how to figure out what you actually desire when you're not sure, and how to bring up bigger topics, like having a threesome, without blowing up the conversation. Find out: Why calling something a sexual "need" instead of a "want" can create unintended pressure or resentment How to start identifying your own desires, even if you've never really thought about it before The difference between healthy support and codependency in a relationship, and why it matters for your sex life A real example of how to bring up a fantasy with your partner without making it weird What to say when your partner brings up something you're not into How to negotiate sexual differences so both people still feel like themselves Curious about coaching with Heather? Request a free consultation at https://HeatherShannon.co. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Can women really have the best sex of their lives after 50... or even 60? In this episode, sex therapist, relationship coach, and tantra educator Maria Merloni shares why many women lose interest in sex, what might actually be causing it, and how one surprising practice transformed her own sex life at age 60. We discuss desire, orgasm quality, menopause, body confidence, trauma, tantra, and why feeling more connected to your body may be the missing piece for a more fulfilling sex life. In this episode, you'll learn: 💜 Why women often lose interest in sex as they age 💜 The connection between pleasure, desire, and orgasm quality 💜 Why great sex doesn't have to decline after menopause 💜 How body image affects sexual confidence 💜 The role of tantra in healing and intimacy 💜 The difference between masturbation and self-yoni massage 💜 How presence and body awareness can improve your sex life Connect with Maria: Free Yoni Ritual Guide: https://mariamerloni.com/ritual/ Website: https://mariamerloni.com Ready to improve your relationship and sex life? Take my free quiz: https://heathershannon.co/quiz Work with Heather: https://heathershannon.co This is a reminder I'm publishing every other week June-August of 2026 and will resume weekly publishing in September! This is a great time to catch up on past episodes. #SexForCouples #WomenOver50 #Menopause #LowLibido #Tantra #SexTherapy #Relationships #Intimacy #FemaleDesire #SexAfter50 This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

SUMMER SCHEDULE! I'll be publishing every other week during June, July & August so we can all enjoy our family time and travels. I'll resume weekly publishing September 7th, 2026. If you’re secretly wondering what your cross-dressing means about you — or terrified what would happen if your partner fully knew — this episode is for you. Many men who cross-dress struggle with shame, confusion, secrecy, and questions about identity. And hiding it for too long can create much bigger relationship problems than the dressing itself. In this episode of Sex for Couples, certified sex therapist and intimacy coach Heather Shannon breaks down the psychology of cross-dressing, why it can feel emotionally and sexually powerful, and how couples can navigate it honestly inside a committed relationship. You’ll learn the difference between cross-dressing, kink, drag, and gender identity — plus why secrecy, shame, and emotional suppression often become part of the cycle. Heather also explores feminization, sissification, submissive dynamics, internal family systems (IFS), and the emotional relief many people experience when they’re finally allowed to express hidden parts of themselves. Whether you’re exploring this personally or trying to understand your partner better, this episode offers a compassionate, nuanced perspective without shame or judgment. In This Episode: The difference between cross-dressing and being transgender Why cross-dressing can feel emotionally relieving or sexually exciting The psychology behind feminization and sissification kinks How masculinity pressures contribute to secrecy and shame Why many people use cross-dressing as emotional escape or self-expression The connection between cross-dressing and submissive dynamics How Internal Family Systems (IFS) explains different “parts” of ourselves What healthy honesty and integration can look like in long-term relationships How secrecy around kinks can damage trust and intimacy Questions to ask yourself if you’re exploring gender identity If this episode helped you better understand yourself, your partner, or your relationship dynamic, follow Sex for Couples for honest conversations about intimacy, desire, emotional connection, and sexual psychology. Take My Free Relationship & Intimacy Quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com Interested in coaching with Heather? Request a consultation: https://HeatherShannon.co Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical, psychological, or mental health treatment. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

If you still love each other but sex has become rare, tense, or complicated, this episode will help you understand what changed. In this episode of Sex for Couples, Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon talks with Author & Founder Ralph Brewer who wrote The Dead Bedroom Fix and founded of HelpForMen.com. The explore why sex can feel effortless early in a relationship — and then slowly start to feel like work. They discuss the emotional reality of dead bedrooms, sexless marriage, mismatched libido, attachment styles, long-term monogamy, parenting stress, and why many couples feel confused when love is still there but desire has faded. You’ll hear why this pattern is so common, why it can feel especially painful for men, and what couples can start paying attention to if they want to rebuild sexual connection without blame or pressure. 🔑 In This Episode • Why sex often changes after marriage, commitment, and kids • How dead bedrooms happen even in loving relationships • Why men often experience low sexual connection as rejection • How anxious and avoidant attachment patterns affect intimacy • What self-improvement has to do with rebuilding desire ⏱ Chapters 00:00 – Introduction to Ralph Brewer and His Journey 02:43 – Coping with Infidelity and the Importance of Male Friendships 05:36 – The Impact of Sexual Dynamics in Long-Term Relationships 08:31 – Understanding the Dead Bedroom Phenomenon 11:27 – The Role of Hormones and Aging in Relationships 14:14 – Community Support and Its Importance in Parenting 17:13 – Adjusting Expectations in Long-Term Relationships 21:42 – Navigating Relationship Changes 23:50 – The Impact of Life Stressors on Relationships 25:31 – Reviving the Bedroom: A Focus on Self-Improvement 28:40 – The Importance of Secure Communication 30:32 – Understanding Attachment Styles 34:33 – The Balance of Masculinity and Femininity 40:07 – Exploring Monogamy and Novelty in Relationships 👤 Connect with Ralph Brewer 🌐 Help For Men https://helpformen.com ❤️ Work with Heather 🌐 Coaching & Resources https://HeatherShannon.co 🔥 Take the Free Quiz: Why You’re Stuck In A Sex Rut https://TheBetterBedroom.com This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Sometimes your body changes — weight gain, new wrinkles, giving birth, surgery, balding, etc. And when that happens, it can deeply affect the way you experience desire, sexual confidence, intimacy, and your whole identity as a sexual being. In this episode, Heather explores the grief of bodily change, the unrealistic expectations many people have about sexuality staying the same forever, and the ways self-monitoring and body image struggles can create barriers to intimacy and pleasure. You’ll also hear practical mindset shifts and emotional tools to help you reconnect with feeling sexy, desirable, embodied, and alive in the body you have now. Topics include: • Sexual identity and changing bodies • Aging, perimenopause, and body image • Erection changes and vaginal dryness • Chronic pain, surgery, and disability • Feeling disconnected from your body sexually • Why self-monitoring kills pleasure • Cultural beauty standards and desirability • Botox, cosmetic procedures, and body optimization culture • Reclaiming confidence and sexuality • How thoughts shape sexual confidence and desire Resources & Links: Heather’s Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/heathershannonlcpc Take The Why You’re Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com Request an Unlock Your Passion Call with Heather: https://calendly.com/hshann1/ignite Prior Episode – Confidence From The Outside In with Kimmy Seltzer: https://pod.fo/e/16fa44 If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review, share it with someone who may need it, and follow the show for more conversations about sex, intimacy, relationships, and emotional connection. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

If sex has started feeling like one more thing you're supposed to do in your relationship . . . this episode is for you. Maybe you still love your partner… but sex feels heavy, pressured, awkward, or emotionally draining. You want to want it — but instead you find yourself avoiding initiation, feeling disconnected, or wondering why intimacy feels so different than it used to. In this episode, Heather talks with sex and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet about the emotional patterns that quietly turn passionate relationships into roommate dynamics — including resentment, emotional disconnection, unresolved conflict, and feeling emotionally unsafe with your partner. They also discuss: Why couples stop wanting sex over time The emotional roots of sexless marriages Why unresolved resentment kills intimacy How emotional safety impacts desire Why many couples feel lonely even when they “never fight” The hidden patterns underneath low desire Why sex can start feeling like another chore How couples rebuild emotional and sexual connection Xanet also shares her personal story of surviving a 26-year sexless marriage, healing sexual shame and vaginismus, and eventually becoming a sex and intimacy coach helping couples reconnect emotionally and physically. If you’ve been feeling emotionally disconnected, stuck in resentment, or struggling to understand why attraction has faded in your relationship, this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening underneath the surface. 🎧 Listen now to understand why sex changes in long-term relationships — and what actually helps couples feel close again. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Struggling with mismatched libidos in your relationship? You’re not alone—and the real problem isn’t what you think. In this episode, I’m joined by relationship and intimacy coach Monica Tanner to unpack the hidden dynamics behind desire discrepancy. We dive into why couples get stuck in cycles of pressure and rejection, how small disappointments turn into long-term resentment, and what both partners may be doing (without realizing it) to keep the pattern going. If you’ve ever felt like: Your partner “should” want sex more You’re constantly navigating pressure or rejection Emotional connection isn’t translating into a better sex life …this episode will help you understand why—and what to do differently. What You’ll Learn: Why desire discrepancy is really a relationship dynamic (not just a libido issue) How “building a case” against your partner destroys intimacy The hidden ways higher desire partners create pressure Why emotional intimacy alone doesn’t fix sex How to expand your definition of sex and reduce pressure The role of childhood conditioning in your sex life Guest Resources Mentioned: Monica Tanner’s book: Bad Marriage Advice Monica Tanner's website: https://www.monicatanner.com/ ❤️ Ready to improve your sex life? Take my free quiz to discover what’s really blocking intimacy in your relationship: 👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com Or, if you’re ready for personalized support, book a free consultation: 👉 https://HeatherShannon.co This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Thinking about opening your relationship—but already feeling tension, anxiety, or uncertainty? You’re not alone. For many couples, conversations about non-monogamy or open relationships quickly become overwhelming. One partner may feel excited and ready to explore, while the other feels hesitant, worried, or emotionally unsafe. In this episode, I break down why that happens—and how to approach non-monogamy in a way that actually supports your relationship instead of destabilizing it. Because the truth is: 👉 Non-monogamy isn’t the problem. 👉 The issue is how couples navigate it—especially when emotional safety isn’t fully established. 🔑 What You’ll Learn Why non-monogamy often feels unsafe early on (even when both people are open to it) The #1 mistake couples make: moving too fast —in conversations or actions How non-monogamy can quietly become one-sided (and lead to resentment) Why staying surface-level in communication creates more insecurity What it actually takes to build emotional safety in open relationships Why even doing everything “right” won’t make the process perfect—and what to expect instead ❤️ Who This Episode Is For This episode is especially helpful if: You’re just starting to discuss non-monogamy One of you is excited—and the other is unsure You’ve tried opening things up and it didn’t go well You want to explore ethically without damaging trust You’re navigating differences in sexual desire, curiosity, or identity 🧭 Free Resource Want help figuring out what non-monogamy could actually look like for you? Download my Quick Start Guide to Non-Monogamy Options —a practical overview of different relationship structures and ways to explore safely: 👉 https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/ELDCt5tG 💬 Work With Me If you want support navigating this with your partner—especially if things feel tense, confusing, or emotionally loaded—I can help. I specialize in helping couples work through: navigating non-monogamy, kink differences, and mismatched libidos. 👉 Book a consultation here: https://HeatherShannon.co 🔗 Keywords non-monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, open relationships, how to open a relationship, non-monogamous relationship advice, relationship communication, emotional safety in relationships, polyamory, swinging, sexual compatibility, couples therapy, intimacy coaching This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Non-monogamy is usually seen as something that destroys relationships. But what if, in some cases, it can actually save them? In this episode, I’m talking with a non-monogamy expert about a perspective that challenges everything most couples have been taught about love, sex, and commitment. We explore how Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) and Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) can sometimes be a more honest and sustainable way to navigate real relationship challenges—especially when it comes to mismatched libidos , unmet needs, and resentment. This isn’t about telling you to open your relationship. It’s about helping you think more clearly about: What you actually need What your partner can realistically provide And what options exist beyond the default model of monogamy We also get into: Why expecting one person to meet all your needs can create pressure and disconnection How resentment builds when sexual needs go unmet The difference between choosing monogamy vs defaulting into it How people navigate open relationships , polyamory , and other forms of non-monogamy The role of honesty, communication, and emotional security in polyamorous relationships Why some couples explore swinging , swingers communities , or other forms of shared sexual experiences The emotional realities (not just the fantasy) of ethical non-monogamy We also talk about the different roles partners can play—and why one person often can’t be everything for you over time. Whether you’re firmly monogamous, curious about ENM , or somewhere in between, this episode will give you a new lens on relationships, desire, and what it actually means to get your needs met. 🔗 Links & Resources Take the quiz: Discover what’s really causing your intimacy issues 👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com Request a consultation for Heather's Pathway To Passion Coaching Program 👉 https://calendly.com/hshann1/ignite Learn more about our guest Cidney Green and buy her new book All 3 Of Me 👉 https://www.all3inme.com/ This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Thinking about sharing a sexual fantasy—but worried your partner will see you differently? This is where most couples unknowingly start creating distance instead of deeper intimacy. In this episode, we break down the 3 biggest mistakes couples make when sharing sexual fantasies —and why these patterns often lead to pressure, resentment, or emotional disconnection instead of closeness. If you’ve ever struggled with how to talk about sex, navigate kinks or fantasies, or handle differences in desire , this episode will give you a clear framework for doing it in a way that builds trust, emotional safety, and a more satisfying sex life What You’ll LearnHow shame around sexual fantasies creates distance in relationships Why avoiding conversations about sex limits intimacy and connection The hidden risk of pushing a fantasy too quickly after sharing it How pressure and urgency can lead to coercion (even unintentionally) Why your partner’s reaction is shaped by conditioning—not you The truth about being “sex-positive” without abandoning your boundaries How to handle mismatched sexual interests in a healthy way Ways to explore fantasies without being 100% sexually compatible Key Takeaways Open communication about sex is essential for long-term intimacy Fantasies require consent, pacing, and emotional safety Shame, pressure, and people-pleasing are the biggest intimacy killers You can accept your partner’s desires without participating in everything Great sex lives aren’t about perfect compatibility—they’re about how you navigate differences together Chapters 0:00 Introduction to the topic of sharing sexual fantasies and the common issues couples face. 1:05 Introduction to the three biggest mistakes couples make. 2:02 Mistake #1 3:23 Importance of openness and being sex-positive. 4:19 Benefits of discussing sex more frequently. 5:16 Normalizing conversations about sex. 6:34 Importance of consent and communication in sexual relationships. 7:31 Variety and novelty in long-term relationships. 8:28 Understanding each other fully through sharing fantasies. 9:27 Mistake #2 12:04 Mistake #3 16:03 Encouragement to maintain personal boundaries. 21:32 Exploring fantasies in a healthy way. 22:52 Conclusion and encouragement to seek help if needed. Resources & Next Steps If you’re noticing patterns like holding back, pushing too fast, or going along with things that don’t feel right, that’s exactly what I help couples work through. 👉 Take the quiz to discover your relationship pattern and what’s really driving your sexual disconnect: https://TheBetterBedroom.com 👉 Want personalized support? Apply for a free consultation for my Pathway to Passion coaching program: https://HeatherShannon.co This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself. And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt. In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience. Because it’s not just about libido. And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.” We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire. Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense. 💡 What You’ll Learn Why anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it) How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflict The difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sex Why you might feel regret or disconnection afterward A simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the moment Chapters 00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy 02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) 05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality 08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships 11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness 14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts 17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality 23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness 25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships 28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs 32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions 36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships 41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy 44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality 👩‍⚕️ About the Guest Patricia Rich is a sex therapist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant. She specializes in helping people understand their inner world so they can experience more connection, clarity, and ease in their relationships and sex lives. 🔗 Learn more about Patricia’s work: https://patriciarich.com (update if needed based on exact link you prefer) Want Help Applying This? If this episode resonated with you, there are a couple ways to go deeper: 🔥 Take the Free Quiz Find out what’s actually keeping you stuck: 👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com 💫 Work With Me If you’re ready for personalized support, my Pathway to Passion coaching program helps you reconnect with your desire, improve communication, and create a sex life that actually feels good again. 👉 https://HeatherShannon.co 🎧 Loved This Episode? Make sure you’re following the show so you don’t miss future episodes on emotional intimacy, desire, and building a better sex life in your relationship. This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Sick of not knowing what you want in bed? Download The Free Sexy Scorecard now - https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/km5Dd3rf Figure out your sexual self so you can communicate better with your partner and experience more pleasure together. In this episode: Discover how understanding your current patterns can open doors to new experiences Learn why stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to deeper connections Find out how curiosity can be your best friend in exploring desires Get practical tips for trying new things without any pressure Hear stories about how surprises can lead to delightful discoveries Create and share your own "treasure map" of interests with your partner Embrace lifelong learning and celebrate your evolving relationship Navigate fears with kindness and authenticity Timestamps: 00:00 - Breaking free from routines and finding joy in the bedroom 02:14 - How comfort zones can be cozy yet limiting 03:37 - Recognizing patterns and opening up to new possibilities 05:02 - Keeping the conversation alive about what you truly desire 06:25 - Letting curiosity guide you past limiting beliefs 07:55 - Personal stories of growth and learning at any age 10:01 - Fun ways to categorize and explore your pleasures 11:27 - Crafting your own "pleasure menu" to savor life 12:23 - How desires change and grow over time 14:15 - Exploring safely and authentically, with a gentle touch 15:42 - Embracing surprises as clues to what lights you up 17:37 - Turning insights into shared moments of joy 19:03 - Keeping a "treasure map" of your evolving desires 21:13 - Understanding and celebrating your partner's journey too 22:38 - Remembering there's no "right" way—just your way 23:07 - Final thoughts: Celebrating sexuality as a lifelong adventure Resources & Links: Request a free consult for Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching program: https://HeatherShannon.co Sexual Exploraion Scorecard (Free Download) Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz! https://TheBetterBedroom.com This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

What happens when you feel attracted to another woman… but you’re in a committed relationship with a man? For a lot of women, this curiosity brings a mix of excitement, confusion, and uncertainty. You might wonder what it means, whether it’s worth exploring, or how to even begin without creating problems in your current relationship. In this episode, I’m joined by Genevieve LeJeune, founder of Skirt Club—a global community for bicurious and bisexual women—to talk about what this experience is actually like in real life. We get into the most common obstacles women face when exploring attraction to other women, why this can feel so hard to navigate, and what helps women feel safe enough to be honest with themselves and try something new. We also talk about: Why so many women discover this curiosity later in life The difference between performance and genuine desire What makes exploration feel safe (and what doesn’t) How women navigate this while staying in a relationship with a man What it’s actually like to connect with another woman for the first time This is a grounded, real conversation about curiosity, identity, and creating space for parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside. Chapters 00:00 -Overview of the community for bicurious women. 01:30 - Genevieve LeJeune's journey from personal experience to creating a global movement. 02:14 - The importance of removing men to foster genuine expression. 04:27 - Tips and advice for women beginning their journey. 13:50 -Navigating monogamy and non-monogamy in women's exploration. 16:42 -How diverse age ranges influence openness to exploring sexuality. 19:42 - Workshops and resources for building sexual confidence. 22:17 - The impact of media portrayal on perceptions and expectations. 33:30 - The role of shared vulnerability in healing and confidence. 41:00 - Encouragement to explore sexuality with courage and authenticity. Links Check out Skirt Club: https://skirtclub.co.uk/ Schedule a free consult with Heather for the Pathway to Passion coaching program: Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call https://HeatherShannon.co Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

You can have a loving partner who compliments you, supports you, and chooses you every day—and still feel completely undesired. The surprising truth is that the problem usually isn’t your partner’s attraction… it’s how desire is being interpreted and received in your relationship. Feeling sexually desired is one of the most powerful emotional experiences in a relationship. It boosts confidence, deepens connection, and brings energy into your partnership. But many people in long-term relationships quietly struggle with the opposite feeling: “My partner loves me… but I don’t feel wanted.” In this episode of Sex for Couples , certified sex therapist and intimacy coach Heather Shannon explains why feeling desired can be more complicated than it seems. Even when your partner appreciates you and cares deeply about the relationship, subtle psychological patterns can block you from actually feeling their attraction. Heather breaks down three common reasons people stop feeling sexually desired by their partner , and how shifting your perspective can dramatically change how you experience attraction, connection, and intimacy. What You’ll Learn in This Episode Why feeling desired is partly an internal experience , not just something your partner creates How an external locus of control can unintentionally make you feel rejected or unwanted The subtle ways your partner may already be choosing you and expressing attraction that you might be missing How old beliefs about worthiness or attractiveness can block you from receiving desire Why couples often experience “mixed signals” around attraction even when both partners care deeply How body image, stress, and life transitions (like parenting or aging) can impact your ability to feel wanted Practical ways to start receiving your partner’s desire instead of dismissing it Want Help Improving Your Sex Life? If you’re struggling with mismatched libidos, emotional disconnect, or feeling unwanted in your relationship, Heather works with couples and individuals to address the deeper psychological patterns behind intimacy issues. Learn more about her Pathway to Passion coaching program and request a free consultation at: 👉 https://heathershannon.co Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com 🎧 Subscribe to Sex for Couples for weekly conversations about sex, intimacy, and emotional connection in long-term relationships. Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/66GEEzOy8zIeXQoyMQKmdV Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-for-couples-with-heather-shannon/id1656078749 YouTube - https://youtube.com/@askasexcoach This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp