Cut & Retie

This week, YouTuber Sam Panko makes terrible footwear decisions and macro-influences some bronzebacks into the top of the funnel, we decide not to provoke Karens for video views and vow to never tie a uni-knot in braid again, roll the dice on baby snakes after our mom forced us to go to the trout park, and display no fear in the karate-bass summer camp dojo.

Guide Joe Demalderis fulfills green drake dreams and has green drake nightmares about the elasticity of geriatric chicken skin.

This week, guides Joe Demalderis and Bill Longstreet peer into the fog only to find a little mystery fish gumming up the works, we go full-blown panic mode when a bug touches our arm inappropriately, add squeaky sound effects to our moues fly retrieves, and find out that Frank from the bar likes to wear ladies underpants.

This week, artist Mike Sudal celebrates ice cold trout victory after opting for the magnum fenders, we fly all the way to Europe and realize we left our Van Staal at home on purpose, tape everyone's mouth shut while trying to dock at the marina, and loft a Hail Marty on the radio to learn how to turn our boat on for the first time.

This week, Miles Nolte drags his kid through the prop wash hoping to finally catch a largemouth worth mounting, we horrify medical professionals with the smell of our rotting ears, go on a noodling safari with a lovable screw-up, and recommend wedding venues where you can still catch massive rainbows even if you're accidentally drunk.

This week, legendary angler Pete Maina refuses to re-hook a fish for the sake of better Saturday morning TV, we crank some Foghat at the VFW and go night scoping for sponsorship deals, long for the days when trophies followed more than they ate, and add some balls to our Suicks to show the kids how it's done.

This week, Captain Frank Crescitelli bums a light from a man in the dog house 100 miles offshore, we catch a winning tuna after removing a hex by spitting on the ground, illegally drive to Florida so we can (kinda) legally drive in Staten Island, and pay divers to tell us were the giant fluke we won't catch live.

Tattoo artist Drew Wilson takes us on a slippery-slope bull trout adventure that requires emergency treatment from a common oral hygiene product.

This week, Tyler Winter of Native Fish For Tomorrow saves his favorite bumper sticker from a tragic riverside death, we critique your forked stick game while taunting you in a dunk tank, complain about fishing access in the middle of a wildfire, and fly fish for dinosaurs after overstimulating them with a Chug Bug that's way to big for non-existent trout.

This week, Captain Eric Kerber rips the pull-start so hard ever snakeheader in Maryland hears the backfire, we explain to kids that all their drinks are free because they have no money, pass on a rain coat in a downpour so we don't wind up sweaty, and use a tennis racket to bounce a frog off the heads of anyone we don't think should be in our fishing spot.

This week, tattoo artist Drew Wilson and guide Gabe Lloyd bicker over Amish style catfish tactics, we eat chocolate clay while dodging 100-year-old oak trees, wiggle minnow our way into grass flat smallmouth redemption, and convince ourselves everything is fine except for our experimental buzzbait flies and stay at the Not-The-Best Western.

This week, Captain Ross Robertson teaches us how to pick the perfect Yeti products for a baby shower, we yell at old men who are watching fish porn while missing actual fish on the line, slug a Four Loko before unveiling a bite so secret it doesn't actually exist, and chew bubble gum while chewing out everyone who's following us around the lake.

Guide Jacob Ott explains how tennis balls and river rocks don't mix, then follows up with naked trout stream fury

This week, Riverhorse Nakadate takes a cold plunge with Johnny Utah and makes Dairy Queen sound better than ever, we nearly die trying to reach brook trout that we decide not to cast too, get rowdy at the Barnes & Noble with INXS after fighting a car thief, and cure food poisoning with a 9-inch worm and homemade blueberry pie.

This week, artist, sculptor and angler, Ben Keating, makes perfect chicken Parm and gets rappers to give up their bling for charity, we lose in a fishing tournament but win for most diapers reeled in, launch flip-flops at the Verrazano Bridge and then go pheasant hunting in a dirt lot, and get our jean jackets airbrushed while attacking fluke with a cane pole.

This week, Kevin Blinkoff from "On The Water" cozies up under an afghan and tells us about catching snook that are actually catfish, we pop a Xanax and pray our boat will be fixed in time to score a bite under the fillet table, eat sandwiches under a bridge as downpours dash our glide bait hopes, and pledge to make fishing in mumus cool again.

This week, veteran Florida captain Ed Zyak gets turned off by crackers and turned on to homemade sun protection paste, we threaten to burn down the house of all the fish unwilling to smash a live croaker, get the shoulder pat of glory after gawking at massive resident dock pets, and lose the brakes on our truck just as we're trying to make a good impression on a legendary fishing writer.

This week, Tim Romano beams in to tell us about his favorite alpaca mousing sweater, we wrap ourselves in wet bed sheets and take a drive with the mayor of Gunnison Canyon, cry about the lack of water in the West and rejoice over the film "Spring Breakers," and opt into being total weirdos at the bass club and ghetto continental breakfast.

John Frazier abandons his fly rod, saves the baby, pays the pole dancer, and suffers the long-term consequences

This week, veteran captain Frank Campbell drags a Chinook behind his truck on the way to buy organizational storage bins, we drop a pile of loose crankbaits on the floor of boat and then refuse to use them, insist we know better than the guide when it comes to screaming at no one like a YouTuber, and fill a shopping cart with rancid fish in the name of charity.