Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

My guest this week is Suzi Raleigh, a recovery advocate and budding author who is now 32 years sober. Suzi started drinking at 13, was misdiagnosed for years with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and survived multiple psychiatric hospitalisations and several near death experiences before her father encouraged her to try 12 Step Recovery in 1993. She has not had a drink since. In this conversation, Suzi shares what it was like to live with a loneliness she calls the ache, the moment her drinking finally stopped being explained away by mental illness, and how discovering codependency twelve years into sobriety changed the entire trajectory of her recovery. She and Ash explore what it really means to be a recovering rescuer, the boundaries work that continues decades in, and the unique approach Suzi now teaches through her upcoming book, naming, taming and nurturing the different inner personalities that drive addiction and codependency. It is a warm, funny and wise conversation about what it looks like to keep growing long after the drinking stops. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Suzi Raleigh 06:09 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 07:25 Growing Up in a Pub and the First Drink at Thirteen 10:19 The Ache: Naming the Loneliness Underneath 12:04 The First Hospitalisation and Years of Misdiagnosis 23:04 Her Father's Suggestion and the First AA Meeting 25:01 What the First Twelve Months of Sobriety Looked Like 27:06 Becoming a Recovering Rescuer 28:48 Discovering Codependency at Twelve Years Sober 30:11 High Functioning Codependency and the Auto-Fix Reflex 37:21 Marrying a Man Twenty Years Sober and Growing Together 42:57 Naming the Inner Characters: Suzy the Floozy and Beyond 01:00:39 Reclaiming Little Tootie and Becoming Her Own Best Friend 01:05:25 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life You can connect with Suzi on her Tik Tok or reach out via email - suzilr6@gmail.com Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Retreats The Embodied Woman One Day Retreat | October 25th | Find Out More A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more information Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Support Services If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Katrina Loewe, a mum of three boys who lived 47 years in internal chaos before a spiritual awakening turned her life around. On the outside, Katrina had everything, a beautiful family, a beautiful home, and a life many would envy. On the inside, she was drowning in perfectionism, shame she had carried since her teens, and a growing disconnection from herself that eventually led her through four hospitalisations in the space of nine and a half weeks. Katrina shares what it was like to hit a point where nothing external could fix her anymore, the moment she finally reached out for real help, and how meditation, connection, and a complete willingness to change gave her a life she had never known was possible. She talks openly about perfectionism, people pleasing, the shame of being away from her children while seeking treatment, and what it means to finally feel at peace in your own life. This is a moving conversation about what transformation can look like when it has nothing to do with rock bottom in the traditional sense, and everything to do with finally coming home to yourself. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Katrina Loewe 05:14 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 08:52 A Wholesome Childhood and the First Signs of Not Fitting In 13:14 A Difficult Family Holiday and Years of Carrying Shame 26:20 Becoming a Stepmum, IVF, and Chasing "I'll Be Happy When" 30:52 Suffocating Behind a Perfect Life 33:22 Losing Her Father and the Grief She Never Processed 36:43 The Trip Around Australia and the Start of the Unravelling 38:04 When Drinking Crept In 40:53 Four Hospitals in Nine and a Half Weeks 46:13 The Instagram Post That Changed Everything 51:20 What Her Relationship with Alcohol Looks Like Today 57:19 Releasing the Shame and Living Without Apology 01:00:16 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Upcoming Retreats: The Embodied Woman | Gold Coast | April 21 - 25, 2027 A Sacred Return | Bali | August 16 - 20, 2027 Email hello@ashbutterss.com for more details! Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fresh from running her retreat in Bali, Ash is back with another solo episode exploring why so many of us feel disconnected from ourselves, and how a simple daily spiritual practice can help us step off the hamster wheel and come back to what truly matters. Inspired from the practices she was sharing on retreat, Ash shares what sadhana really means, the difference between filling your life with more things to do and creating practices that genuinely support you, and how meditation, pranayama, breathwork, yoga and stillness can become part of your everyday life. Ash also takes you behind the scenes of the retreat, from temple visits and Agni Hotra to kirtan, floating sound healing, sauna, cold plunges and the power of sisterhood. She reflects on how sobriety and recovery opened the door to a life she once could not have imagined, and why she now considers facilitating retreats her dream job. This episode is for anyone who feels exhausted from constantly doing, achieving or performing, yet still feels as though something is missing. You do not need to attend a retreat or completely overhaul your life to begin. Transformation can start with ten quiet minutes, one honest question or a single practice that brings you back to yourself each day. Ash also shares details of her upcoming retreats in Bali, Melbourne and the Gold Coast, including the newly announced A Sacred Return retreat in 2027. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Sanjay, a father in recovery who has been sober for 21 years. Born in Uganda, raised in London and now living in Melbourne, Sanjay grew up watching his father drink before taking his own first drink at fifteen. He spent the next two decades chasing that initial feeling through alcohol, drugs and gambling, while his life quietly unravelled behind the scenes. In this conversation, Sanjay shares the unexpected moment a psychiatrist broke through every wall he had built, what it took to finally surrender, and why getting sober was only the beginning. He opens up about losing his father to alcoholism, navigating divorce without returning to old behaviours, and the role yoga and spirituality have played in helping him continue to grow. But the real secret to Sanjay’s 21 years of sobriety has been getting out of himself. Through service, connection and giving back to the recovery community, he has found a sense of purpose that has carried him through every season of life. This is a warm and honest conversation about why sobriety cannot be sustained in isolation, and how helping others may be one of the most powerful ways we help ourselves. Episode chapters: 00:08 Introducing Sanjay 04:39 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in London 07:48 Growing Up: A Father's Drinking and Life on Eggshells 10:49 A Refugee Identity and the Feeling of Not Belonging 13:07 The First Drink at Fifteen and Why He Loved It 17:15 Chasing the Feeling: Rave Culture, Drugs and Excess 19:37 When the Consequences Started to Show Up 23:57 Rock Bottom: Isolated, Broke and Calling Crisis Lines at 2am 26:22 The Health Insurance Letter and the Road to the Priory 29:02 The Psychiatrist Who Saw a Little Boy 31:06 Surrender Day: January 13, 2005 36:50 What Happened Inside the Priory 38:12 Building the Foundation: Big Book Recovery and Service 52:43 Whack-a-Mole: What Comes Up When You Put the Drink Down 56:47 Yoga, Chanting and the Practices That Quieten the Noise 59:35 What Recovery Looks Like 21 Years In Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does. In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all. Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose. We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you. Episode chapters: 00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out Connect with Dr. Edith below: Instagram Website Linkedin The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering. In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Mark Purser 03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana 07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation 10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted 12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay 15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work 18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled 21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout 26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday 29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub 31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope 33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof 35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed 37:13 The Gift of Desperation 45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet 51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years 53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything 57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up 59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Mark below: www.bambooyogabyron.com Instagram Podcast: The Gentle Revolution Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian. Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did. In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most. Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are. TW: This episode contains discussion of assault. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert 03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan 04:34 How Bali Called Her In 06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months 09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco 11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything 13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi 16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home 18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access 19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group 22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga 24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing 26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps 28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth 30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali 32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point 34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan 36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan 38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage 40:19 Coming Out as Queer 43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything 51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred 55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds 58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like 01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Alexandra below: Check out Alexandra’s Substack here. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run. In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again. Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible. TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh 03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink 07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol 08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul 09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture 11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction 13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage 18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From? 18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will 20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant 22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing 27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives 33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire 35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together 39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath 41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open 43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back 45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community 47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor 47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence 50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety 56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place 57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women 59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected 01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power 01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All 01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home 01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children 01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere? In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life. From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her. If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you. Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little Ash Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with Tom Cronin, meditation teacher and international speaker, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really looks like to hold everything together on the outside while quietly falling apart within. Tom opens up about the two parallel lives he was living during his 26 years in the high pressure world of global financial markets, one of outward success, pinstripe suits, and Bondi beachside living, and another of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression, and a growing reliance on drugs and alcohol that eventually led to a breakdown at age 29. It was from that rock bottom that Tom discovered Vedic meditation, a practice that not only transformed his mental health but ultimately became the foundation of an entirely new life and purpose. Ash and Tom explore the science of stress, why alcohol numbs but never heals, and how meditation actually expands brain function rather than impairing it. Tom shares the journey from seeker to finder to sharer, including the challenges of leaving the golden handcuffs of finance behind, producing his feature film The Portal, and building his mission to inspire a billion people to meditate daily. The conversation weaves through ego, ego transcendence, contribution, and the holistic practices Tom uses to remain grounded and performing at his best. It is a rich and wide-ranging episode about the courage it takes to change course, the intelligence of the body's warning signals, and the profound freedom that comes from finally looking inward. Episode chapters: 00:07 Introducing Tom Cronin 04:44 Hiding Behind the Smile: Life on the Trading Room Floor 06:16 Shame, Guilt, and the North Star 11:48 The Golden Handcuffs 12:54 When Drugs and Alcohol Entered the Picture 15:53 Rock Bottom and the Rashi 18:06 The Breakdown and the Turning Point 20:09 Discovering Vedic Meditation 24:46 The Allostatic Load and Why Alcohol Does Not De-stress 28:43 Why Sobriety Supercharges Meditation 33:37 From Seeker to Finder to Sharer 35:44 Leaving Finance and Leaping into Purpose 38:08 Navigating Challenges with Meditation as a Tool 41:09 The Stillness Project and the Making of The Portal 46:45 The Importance of Service and Contribution 49:02 B1G1: Giving Back Through Business 54:05 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Tom: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stillnessproject Website: http://www.tomcronin.com/ Tom's free book to reduce anxiety and depression https://tomcronin.com/free-calm-book/ Socials: https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/ https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoach https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/ https://www.tiktok.com/@_tomcronin _ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How much longer are you willing to suffer before something changes? In this powerful solo episode, Ash explores a recurring theme she’s been discussing with people lately: have you truly had enough? Because whether it's alcohol, a relationship, a career, perfectionism, or an old way of thinking, lasting change rarely happens until we're willing to let go of the ideas, stories, and identities that are keeping us stuck. Drawing on her own recovery journey, Ash speaks candidly about the gift of desperation, the stigma surrounding the word alcoholic, and why so many of us continue negotiating with our own suffering long after we've realised something isn't working. She shares what it really takes to create meaningful change and why partial willingness often keeps us trapped in the very cycles we're desperate to escape. This conversation extends far beyond sobriety, inviting listeners to honestly examine where fear, familiarity, and old beliefs may be preventing them from stepping into a more authentic life. Ash also reflects on celebrating her first wedding anniversary and the unexpected lessons that came from eloping in Italy, including a deeper understanding of people pleasing, self-worth, and the quiet cost of abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. She shares why esteemable acts are one of the most powerful ways to build genuine self-worth and how authentic relationships are forged when we stop performing for approval. Plus, Ash leaves listeners with five thought-provoking journal prompts designed to help you uncover where you may be ready, or almost ready, to finally let go. Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:12 Life Update: A Busy Week and a Wedding Anniversary 03:31 Elopement in Italy and Lessons in People Pleasing 05:53 The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes When You Mean No 08:12 Building Self-Worth Through Esteemable Acts 10:33 Have You Had Enough? 12:53 What It Really Takes to Be Ready for Change 15:16 Breaking the Stigma Around Alcoholism 17:39 The Power of Identification and Finding Your People 19:56 Sobriety as a Superpower 22:18 The Gift of Desperation 24:26 Divine Timing and Letting Go of Old Ideas 26:48 The Difference Between Pain and Suffering 29:09 Reflective Journal Prompts to Provoke Change Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash welcomes back her sober soul sister Danni Carr, for a wide ranging chat on Bali, yoga, and the spiritual practices that underpin their sobriety. Danni shares the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, the three-part connection to the divine, community, and land that keeps life in balance, and reflects on how a once reluctant relationship with yoga, born from hungover gym sessions and stormed out shavasanas, slowly became the foundation of her recovery and her sense of coming home to herself. The conversation moves into deeper territory as Danni and Ash explore what the divine means to them now, the science behind spiritual practice and the brain, and the unexpected friendships that sobriety has made possible. Danni speaks candidly about needing daily practice not to recover but to keep expanding and staying regulated, and reminds listeners that spirituality doesn't have to be serious or precise to be powerful. It’s a heartfelt conversation between two friends about connection, consistency, and choosing a life that feels good without needing to numb out to get there. Episode chapters: 00:00 Reconnecting in Bali: A Spiritual Journey 03:56 The Balinese Philosophy of Trihitakarana 07:23 Cultural Immersion: Sharing Bali's Rich Heritage 11:59 The Transformative Power of Yoga 18:55 Finding Stillness: The Challenge of Shivasana 21:17 Embracing Autonomy in Yoga Practice 22:45 Finding the Right Teachers 24:07 Provoking Thought Through Stillness 25:51 Navigating Friendships in Sobriety 28:56 The Importance of Consistency in Recovery 32:27 Spirituality as a Foundation for Sobriety 34:16 Understanding the Divine 37:05 The Value of Connection and Community 37:48 Finding Joy in Spiritual Practices You can connect with Danni through: Check out Danni’s 4 Week Sober & Transformational Challenge IG: @howiquitalcohol Recommendations: The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash drops in with a mini solo episode to share a life update from her recent trip to Bali and to offer something she herself has been craving - a guided meditation to help you reset. She reflects on attending the AA convention, what it’s like to travel sober after years of using airports and planes as a reason to drink, and the joy of being surrounded by like-minded people who truly understand the recovery journey. She also speaks about the not so pleasant reality of getting Bali Belly, and the lessons in surrender, self-care, and taking quick action. For the first time on the podcast, Ash is also sharing a guided meditation. One she specifically wrote for her Behind The Smile listeners. A 10-minute guided meditation designed to bring you back to yourself, whether you’re at home, walking, or listening on the go, offering a simple way to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with what actually matters today. Episode chapters: 00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude 00:56 Post‑Bali Life Update & Mini Solo Setup 02:10 Bali AA Convention & Joy of Sober Travel 03:11 Sunur, Ubud & Favorite Bali Rituals 05:32 Ubud Hotel Recos, Monkey Story & Bali Belly 10:11 Calling the Doctor & Reframing “What a Gift” 12:32 Coming Home Gently & Loving Life You Don’t Need a Holiday From 14:54 Returning to Meditation & Idea for a “Reset” 17:19 Guided 10‑Minute Reset Meditation 27:14 Final Reflections, Gratitude & Call to Action Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with psychic, healer and mindset coach Shanaye Kuntze for a raw conversation about burnout, self-worth, intuition and the journey back to self. Behind a successful business and years spent helping others, Shanaye found herself completely burnt out, bed-ridden, disconnected and unable to keep going. Together, Ash and Shanaye unpack the hidden ways childhood wounds and the search for love and approval can shape our lives, careers and sense of self. Shanaye shares how breathwork became the catalyst for profound healing and the awakening of her psychic gifts, opening the door to deeper intuition, purpose and trust in herself. They explore boundaries, rest, alignment and what it really means to create a life that feels good, not just one that looks good. This is a powerful conversation about slowing down, listening inward, and finding the courage to follow the voice within. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Shanaye Kuntze 02:48 Navigating Burnout and Its Impact 05:55 The Energy of Doing What You Love 08:59 The Importance of Boundaries 11:55 Hiding Behind a Smile: Shanaye's Photo Reflection 14:54 The Journey Through Burnout 18:06 The Path to Healing and Self-Discovery 21:02 The Role of Competitive Sports in Shanae's Life 24:05 Transitioning from Sports to Fitness Coaching 27:02 The Addiction to Work and Its Consequences 29:46 Finding Light After Rock Bottom 31:15 The Awakening to Breathwork 34:43 Unleashing Psychic Abilities 36:44 Creating Space for Transformation 40:27 Deepening the Breathwork Experience 43:01 The Power of Vulnerability in Community 46:02 Communicating with Spirit Guides 52:17 Reflections on Transformation 55:17 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life You can connect with Shanaye through: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skbodyworks Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skbodyworks/ Website: https://skbodyworks.com.au Podcast: (Apple) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 (Spotify) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here NOW SOLD OUT! Next Ritual coming in September. Details launching soon. Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash shares a sneak peak into her memoir she's currently writing, tracing how her spiritual life has evolved in recovery. What began as skepticism and resistance toward anything “spiritual” has slowly become the foundation of her day-to-day life, influencing how she relates to herself, others, and the world around her. She opens up about moving from a place of self-hatred, numbing, and constant chasing to an inner landscape shaped by simple, consistent practices like prayer, meditation, gratitude, and quiet acts of service. Ash reflects on how spirituality, for her, isn’t about being “woo-woo” or giving up ambition or joy, but about how you live when no one is watching and how kindly you speak to yourself when things are hard. At its heart, this episode invites listeners to reconsider what spirituality might look like in their own lives, whether they’re on a sober path, a healing journey, or simply curious about something deeper. Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude 00:56 Memoir Writing & Bali Setup 03:14 Spirituality as the Foundation of Sobriety 05:39 From Non‑Believer to Spiritual Seeker 08:04 Redefining a Higher Power in Recovery 10:26 Gift of Desperation & Early God Experiments 12:48 Daily Prayer, Gratitude & Relationship with God 15:01 Meditation, Listening & Two‑Way Prayer 17:25 Depositing into the Spiritual Bank 19:42 Spiritual Solution to Alcoholism & Old Patterns Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with Alisha Burns, founder of Solo Mum Society, to talk about the deeply personal road that led her to motherhood on her own terms. Alisha shares the heartbreak of infertility, the emotional weight of hidden struggles, and the quiet strength it took to move through a life that often looked fine from the outside while feeling very different underneath. She opens up about the role alcohol played in her life, the pressure of social expectations, and the long process of learning to trust herself again. Ash and Alisha explore what it means to choose donor conception, to step into solo motherhood by choice, and to build a life that feels honest, intentional, and aligned with who you really are. Throughout the conversation, Alisha reflects on the changing shape of family, the power of community support, and the liberation that can come from letting go of the version of life you thought you were meant to have. At its heart, this episode is about grief, growth, and the courage to create a future rooted in authenticity, independence, and love. Trigger Warning: This episode discusses pregnancy loss. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Alicia Burns and Her Journey 03:01 Navigating Motherhood and Business 06:01 Hiding Behind a Smile: Alicia's Photo Reflection 09:11 Infertility Struggles and Emotional Toll 12:09 The Impact of Alcohol on Coping Mechanisms 15:04 The End of a Marriage and New Beginnings 17:58 Finding Strength in Adversity 20:53 The Journey to Motherhood: Donor Conception 23:48 Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Change 30:45 The Journey of Single Motherhood 32:08 Navigating Isolation and Connection 34:29 The Impact of Alcohol Culture 38:52 Realizations and Transformations 43:35 Embracing Independence and Self-Discovery 46:25 The Changing Landscape of Family Dynamics 49:54 Empowerment Through Intentional Choices 52:46 Building Community and Support 54:40 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life Website - www.solomumsociety.com Instagram - @noneedforprincecharming Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with holistic psychologist Laura Corcoran to unpack what really happened inside The Embodied Woman retreat. Over four days on the Gold Coast, sixteen women arrived as strangers and left having cracked open years of armour, people pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional suppression. Ash and Laura reflect on the moments that shifted everything, from the resistance and fear women carried on day one, to the tears, breakthroughs, nervous system releases, and deep honesty that unfolded as the weekend progressed. They speak about why so many women feel disconnected from themselves, how high functioning coping mechanisms keep us stuck, and what happens when you finally feel safe enough to be fully seen. This conversation explores embodiment, sisterhood, emotional healing, relationships, boundaries, identity, and the power of being in a room where masks are no longer needed. Ash and Laura also share why transformation happens so quickly in immersive spaces like this, and why the women who attended are already making powerful changes in their lives back home. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from holding it all together, disconnected from yourself, or like you’re craving something deeper than surface level self development, this episode is for you. For more information on The Embodied Woman Retreat 2027 you can send Ash a message on IG here , or email hello@ashbutterss.com Episode Chapters: 00:00 The Energy of the Retreat 02:58 Integration and Connection 06:00 Creating a Safe Space 08:59 Meeting Your Edge 11:53 Transformation Through Action 15:04 Intergenerational Healing 17:56 The Power of Vulnerability 20:59 Sisterhood and Support 24:01 Reflections on the Experience 28:33 Connection and Community in Retreats 30:10 Overcoming Personal Challenges 32:06 Emotional Vulnerability and Heart Opening 33:13 Facing Uncertainty and Embracing Change 36:32 The Journey of Growth and Transformation 38:19 The Power of Embodied Experiences 39:20 Announcing the Next Retreat Reach out to Laura - @hersuccessfulmind Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with Rosie Eldershaw, a country girl turned Melburnian who recently celebrated three years of sobriety after multiple rehabs and several near-fatal rock bottoms. Rosie shares how her drinking progressed from nightly wine to 24/7 spirits and drugs, and how she kept a bubbly, high-functioning facade while quietly falling apart inside. She speaks honestly about seizures, the shame of drinking hand sanitiser and mouthwash, and the terror of knowing something was very wrong but feeling powerless to stop. Rosie reflects on the turning points that finally stuck: finding a 12-step program, allowing others to help, and building a simple, peaceful life she genuinely enjoys with yoga, dog parks, her partner and her dog. This is a grounded, hopeful conversation about ownership, spirituality, and the non-negotiables that now protect her sobriety and happiness. Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introduction and Journey of Transformation 03:01 Rosie's Story of Sobriety 05:56 The Struggles Behind the Smile 08:57 The Dangerous Path of Alcoholism 12:07 Childhood and Early Influences 14:48 The Progression of Drinking 17:58 Family Concerns and Consequences 20:54 The Desperation of Addiction 23:55 The Journey to Rehab 26:28 The Journey Through Rehab 29:00 The Turning Point: A Meeting That Changed Everything 32:52 Embracing Spirituality in Recovery 36:57 Overcoming the Ego: Finding a Higher Power 40:46 Living One Day at a Time 46:29 Building Healthy Relationships in Sobriety 53:24 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash returns with a solo episode that’s felt long overdue. After a season of slowing down and stepping back, she’s back behind the mic on her own, not with all the answers, but with a deeper level of honesty about what it really means to accept life as it is. Drawing on yoga philosophy, recovery, and her own lived experience, Ash explores the tension between control and surrender. She opens up about her patterns of perfectionism, the need to hold everything together, and the unexpected peace that came when she finally softened her grip. This is a deeply personal reflection on relationships, family dynamics, and the moments that still stir old wounds. Ash also shares her experience navigating motherhood, fertility, and loss, and how these chapters have shaped her understanding of acceptance in a way no theory ever could. If you’ve been trying to control outcomes, fix everything, or push against what is, this episode offers a different way. A gentle reminder that peace isn’t found in having it all figured out, but in learning to meet yourself exactly where you are. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introduction and Intentions 00:57 Embracing Vulnerability in Solo Episodes 04:03 The Journey of Acceptance 10:10 Letting Go of Control 15:00 Navigating Relationships with Acceptance 20:04 The Spiritual Journey and Personal Growth 24:53 Conclusion and Call to Action Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Ash sits down with embodied dance artist and coach Taylah King, whose journey from darkness to rediscovery is both heart-wrenching and deeply inspiring. Taylah opens up about her twelve-year relationship and marriage that began in childhood, the growing inner whisper that something wasn't right, and the vulnerability of walking away from the only safety she'd ever known. From alcohol abuse that started at fourteen to a drug-induced psychosis triggered by ayahuasca, Taylah shares candidly about spending two years dissociated from reality, convinced she was dead, and trapped in a mental health crisis that felt inescapable. She reflects on the terrifying experience of psychosis, the inadequacy of traditional mental health support, and the overwhelming loneliness of not knowing if she'd ever come back. Taylah describes the turning point that changed everything: surrendering to faith, working with a mentor, and falling in love for the first time while sober, which allowed her to finally feel again after years of numbness. Throughout their conversation, Ash and Taylah explore the danger of spiritual bypassing, the power of embodiment practices, and the importance of learning to listen to your nervous system instead of seeking answers outside yourself. Today, Taylah uses dance and movement as medicine, helping others reconnect to their bodies and move freely in the world without substances. Her story is a powerful reminder that even in the deepest darkness, there is always a way back home to yourself. Episode Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Taylah's Journey 02:56 Rediscovery Through Dance 06:05 The Struggles Behind the Smile 09:02 Substance Abuse and Its Impact 12:01 The Role of Ayahuasca in Healing 14:58 Experiencing Psychosis 17:55 The Aftermath of Psychosis 21:02 Finding Freedom in Movement 30:11 The Journey Through Psychosis 34:01 Spiritual Awakening and Healing 39:12 The Role of Love and Relationships in Recovery 43:10 Embodiment and Self-Connection 51:13 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life You can connect with Taylah using the links below: Instagram: @taylahkingmovement Follow and connect with Ash on: ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.