A Codependent Mind

We are back with another appendices, this one on the topic of authenticity. We've had a couple of posts go viral on Facebook and Instagram that we are connected to this idea of living an authentic life. The reaction to those posts suggests that are a lot of people are struggling to be their authentic selves and that has been and continues to a significant source of distress and disconnection for them. It certainly was for Brian. ttps://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us.

Set boundaries! Respect yourself! Easier said than done. In this episode we discuss our own recent struggle to maintain our boundaries/self-respect while also trying to maintain a friendship. We discuss recognizing guilt, shame, and resentment, setting limits, and choosing to stay or leave when negotiation fails. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1

Brian recently read through both our books and did some self-analysis on where he is at on his 'growth journey.' In this episode we discuss some of his findings. If you interested in reading the notes he took while reading, sign up for our newsletter on our website. https://www.codependentmind.com/

Brian and Stephanie come back for an ad hoc season and start with another discussion of shame. This time they tackle the question of what kind of relationship work shame can do and how it can cause relationship dysfunction (and how it has in their relationship). Brian goes in to more detail about the ways in which shame continues to impact him and how it moves through it when it does. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1

The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold. We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available on the podcast indefinitely. The rest of the chapters will be removed. The audiobook is available on most audio platforms and from our website. The paperback and the eBook is available on Amazon. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1

The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold. Me, You & Us Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship As described in this podcast, for years I struggled in romantic relationships—trapped in people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and emotional disconnection. I didn’t know how to set boundaries, communicate honestly, or feel safe being myself. Like many people with a history of codependency or relational trauma, I was stuck in survival mode—longing for intimacy but afraid to be truly seen. This book is both a relationship memoir and a healing guide—an honest, compassionate look at how I learned to show up differently in love. Through personal storytelling and psychological insight, I explore the relationship tools that transformed my life: empathy, vulnerability, boundaries, communication, emotional co-regulation, and more. These are the tools that helped me move from dysfunction to connection—from trauma bonds to the emotionally safe, interdependent marriage I now share with Stephanie. Available on Amazon : https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ Contact us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/me-you-and-us

Our new book is available in eBook format: ! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT In this episode, we revisit the topic of caretaking and how it can be a tool for strengthening the sense of partnership within a relationship. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. And thank you for reading these notes! Very few people do.

The 5 Love Languages claims to be a "simple and effective" tool for strengthening your connections. We explore that claim. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip . Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

For most of his life, Brian believed that his primary challenge in relationships was mastering the tool of "being present." He thought that if he could just fully grasp this skill, everything in his life and relationships would significantly improve. However, regular listeners to this podcast will recognize that this belief was far from accurate. We discuss how he understood the tool of being present in his past relationships and how he uses it now, in the present. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased from our website for only $2.99. http://codependentmind.com Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In this episode, we building on the Boundaries episode and talk more about Relationship Boundaries in particular. How can you use relationship boundaries do develop a greater sense of partnership? How do we find a balance between protecting the relationship from outside threats and having expansive enough boundaries that the relationship can continue to grow and thrive? 00:02:19 Relationship status 00:03:37 Family boundaries 00:06:35 Relationship work and boundaries 00:10:27 Relationship boundaries and stability 00:14:10 Outside resources 00:17:48 Rules vs boundaries 00:25:53 Inherited boundaries Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip . Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

In this episode, we take on the complex emotion of jealousy, exploring its potential as a constructive tool within relationships. As we have discussed in previous episodes emotions, including jealousy, are neither good nor bad but rather signals offering valuable insight. Learning how to use jealousy as a tool involves being able to interpret and apply the information that jealousy offers. 00:00:11 Jealousy 00:01:46 Not Feeling Jealousy 00:03:04 Jealousy in Polyamorous Relationships 00:06:38 Compersion 00:09:16 Jealousy-Like Behaviors 00:06:38 Compersion 00:11:34 Distinguishing Jealousy from Control 00:13:14 Jealousy as a Measurement Tool 00:19:38 Working Together Through Jealousy Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms.

We have talked about entitlement quite a bit. Mostly about how Brian's narcissistic partners have used their feelings of entitlement as fuel to abuse and mistreat him and other people. In this episode we explore how the feelings of entitlement can be used productively to strengthen a relationship rather than degrade it. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In Season 4, we had a four part series on codependency, trauma and sex. In this episode we focus on the role sex can play in a relationship For Brian, shifting from a performance mindset to a connection mindset made all the difference. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Communication is vital to any relationship, but for those of us with relational trauma, it can be difficult to figure out what that means. If we aren't getting yelled at or insulted, it feels like good communication. Bad communication is when someone is disappointed or upset with us. Join us as we talk through Brian's new understanding of the role communication has played and can play in his relationships. 00:01:13 Communication as a relationship tool 00:03:15 Shame 00:17:35 Verbal violence and reactive abuse 00:23:01 Communication as a productive tool You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In this episode we discuss the relationship tool of attention. Paying attention can be difficult for people with relationship trauma and codependent habits. It was certainly challenging for Brian. Healing codependency has involved re-learning how to use the tool of attention, directing its use to building strong connections with people we care about who care about us. 00:01:22 Feeling close - making bids 00:04:01 Listening and attention 00:08:05 Attention and trauma 00:20:53 Good attention and bad attention 00:22:49 Productive attention You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships. 00:02:30 Apology Theater 00:03:20 Narcissistic Apologizing 00:07:19 DARVO 00:13:09 Codependent Apologizing 00:19:12 Authentic Apologizing 00:20:32 Empathetic Repair You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms.

As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents. In this episode: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Wikipedia) 00:01:01 Financial Codependency 00:04:42 Financial Dependency 00:07:56 The Tool of Money 00:10:45 What is Money for? 00:22:33 The Monetary Value of Relationships 00:32:27 Questions to Ask Before You Spend You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected. Mentioned in this episode: S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us No Man is an Island - John Donne 00:01:56 The Metaphor of Boundaries 00:06:34 Protecting Boundaries 00:09:20 Respecting Boundaries 00:21:52 Entitlement 00:25:25 Boundaries in Relationship 00:38:22 Examples of Relationship Boundaries You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.