Gay Men Going Deeper

Why do the guys who are a little distant, a little edgy, and a little hard to get feel so magnetic? Is it actually attraction…or is a deeper pattern being activated? In this episode, we unpack what’s going on underneath the pull toward “bad boys” and why it can feel so intense, compelling, and hard to walk away from. We talk about: What exactly is it about “bad boys” that makes them so attractive What we’re really responding to beneath the surface Why intensity can feel like chemistry, but isn’t always compatibility What “bad boys” do well that “nice guys” can learn from How to take those traits into your own dating life—without the chaos If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to someone who felt exciting but hard to reach, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do differently. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Why Bad Boys Feel So Good (00:01:38) - Are Bad Boy Guys Hot? (00:03:19) - What Are We Actually Attracting To Bad Boys? (00:07:24) - Good Boy vs Bad Boy (00:11:08) - Good Boy Or Bad Boy? (00:15:05) - Queer as Folk on Michael (00:16:00) - A Neil Gaiman's Brotherhood (00:16:43) - What Can We Learn From Bad Boys? (00:20:36) - Is Your Bad Boy Unafraid Of Getting Cancelled? (00:22:00) - Do Bad Boys Get Attracted To Women? (00:24:28) - I'm The Bad Boy (00:27:39) - Good Boy vs. Bad Boy (00:30:45) - Good Boy vs. Nice Guy (00:32:13) - The Gay Man Going Deeper: Nice Guys

Intimacy sounds like something we all want, but being truly seen can feel terrifying. In this episode, we talk about why fantasy often feels safer than reality, why vulnerability can feel exposing, and how the fear of rejection keeps many gay men hiding behind performance. We also get personal about our own struggles with being seen, how this shows up in dating. This episode is about the fear beneath the fantasy: the part of us that wants closeness, but panics when closeness asks us to be honest, visible, and emotionally available. We talk about: Why intimacy can feel unsafe even when we crave it The fear of being fully seen, known, and rejected Why fantasy feels easier than real connection How to feel safer, more grounded, and more open to intimacy A deep, honest conversation for gay men who want connection, but sometimes find themselves pulling away when it starts to get real. Link: Matt’s Secure Attachment Handbook Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Why Intimacy Feels Safer (00:02:16) - What Is Intimacy Really Like? (00:06:15) - Married People Say They're Not Attracted To Perfect People (00:09:17) - What Are You Afraid Of Being Proactively Rejected For? (00:12:38) - Geminis Have A Fear Of Intimacy (00:13:24) - What Am I Afraid Of In A Relationship? (00:17:03) - When Did You Start Naked With Your Girlfriend? (00:17:31) - How to Love Yourself (No Fear of Intimacy) (00:22:15) - How to Develop Secure Attachment (00:23:50) - "I Get Scared in Intimacy" (00:26:51) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood

Seeking validation isn’t just about chasing likes. It’s the part of us that needs approval, wants to belong, and feel accepted. But does it come at a cost? In this episode, we unpack the subtle ways validation-seeking still shows up in our everyday lives, especially as gay men who learned early to scan, adapt, perform, and manage how we’re perceived. We talk about the difference between healthy feedback and outsourcing your self-worth, and what it actually looks like to build self-trust in real life. In this episode, we discuss: What validation-seeking actually looks like The difference between caring what people think and letting their opinion become a verdict on your worth Why self-trust requires tolerating discomfort, disappointment, and disapproval How we’re each still learning to come back to ourselves in more honest, grounded ways Self-trust doesn’t mean you stop caring what people think- it means their reaction no longer gets to decide who you are. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Coming Home To Yourself (00:01:56) - Why Do Gay Men Seek Validation? (00:03:43) - What Does Validation Seeking Actually Look Like? (00:05:51) - What Does It Look Like to Be Overcomfortable? (00:07:20) - Michael Buble on Being Validated (00:07:57) - Michael Says He Feels Good About Himself (00:08:45) - Validation Seeking and How It Affects Your Life (00:13:53) - How to Stop Seeking External Validation (00:18:10) - What does validation seeking look like in your life? (00:18:35) - Why Is Self-Trust So Difficult For Gay People? (00:23:26) - "People Plead" (00:27:58) - What Makes Self Trust So Difficult? (00:31:43) - The Importance Of Identity (00:33:28) - Self-Trust Coaching (00:34:08) - Michael on Coming Home To Himself (00:35:38) - What Would I Do If I Wasn't Trying To Be Like (00:39:35) - Coming Home to Yourself (00:43:20) - Getting Back Home to Yourself (00:46:26) - Why I Don't Need To Explain My Time (00:48:06) - Coming Back Home To Yourself

Feeling bad is not a flaw in the human experience. It’s an essential life skill for anyone who wants a life of love, growth, satisfaction, and intimacy— all of it requires the capacity to feel discomfort without running from it. In this episode, Michael and Matt make the case for feeling bad on purpose: when to sit with an emotion, when to change your mindset, and why emotional avoidance often costs us more than the original pain. We get into: Why feeling bad is a skill, not a personal failure The difference between allowing an emotion and reframing your thoughts How men are often taught to avoid, repress, intellectualize, or act out emotions The ways we numb and escape through food, alcohol, sex, porn, productivity, scrolling, and distraction Why building emotional capacity makes you braver, more honest, and more willing to live a bigger life The goal isn’t to be happy all the time — it’s to become someone who can feel bad without abandoning yourself or shrinking your future. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Why Feeling Bad Is Good For You (00:01:46) - Why Are People So Bad at Feeling Bad? (00:06:06) - How to Win with Emotions (00:08:13) - How to Love Yourself (00:13:16) - How to Get Through Trauma (00:16:52) - What Emotion Is The Hardest To Deal With? (00:20:05) - How To Live A Fully Feeling Life (00:20:54) - How to Deal With Feeling Bad (00:23:48) - The ego takes over the body (00:24:32) - Gay Men's Ways To Cope With Feeling Bad (00:25:45) - How to Stop Feeling Bad (00:29:31) - How to Love Yourself Through Fear (00:30:38) - How to Handle Negative Emotions (00:34:37) - People Cope With Crying (00:35:29) - Gay Men's Brotherhood

A lot of gay men pride themselves on being “nice”— easygoing, agreeable, low-drama. But what if that’s exactly why you’re not getting what you want? In this episode, we break down the difference between being kind and being “nice,” and how approval-seeking, conflict avoidance, and over-accommodating are quietly killing attraction, respect, and real connection. We talk about: Why “nice” is often a strategy, not a personality The hidden cost of being liked by everyone How this shows up in dating and relationships The difference between being chosen vs. being liked How to shift from approval-seeking to self-respecting If you’ve ever felt overlooked, under-appreciated, or stuck in the friend-zone, this one will hit. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Nice Guy Trap (00:01:04) - Being Nice (00:03:16) - What Does Being A Nice Guy Actually Mean To You? (00:05:46) - Matt on Being A Nice Guy (00:09:49) - Have You Ever Been The Nice Guy? (00:13:30) - Is Your Friend Think You're A Nice Guy? (00:17:16) - What Is Niceness In Your Relationships? (00:20:09) - Gayman's Brotherhood: Connection Circles (00:20:54) - Why Being a Nice Guy Backfires in Dating (00:23:16) - Matt Says Being Honest In Dating Backfires (00:28:19) - In the Elevator With Michael (00:29:38) - Gay Men on Dating and Relationships (00:30:19) - How to Shift From Being Nice to Being Chosen (00:35:02) - How To Be With Yourself (00:39:06) - Be Candid With Yourself (00:42:15) - Michael Jackson on Not Being Like Everyone (00:45:34) - Matt on Not Being the Nice Guy (00:48:20) - Thank You!

Hookups get a bad rap as shallow, transactional, or disconnected. But what if they could actually become a space for growth, awareness, and real connection? In this episode, we’re advocating for shift from default, unconscious hookups to something more intentional, honest, and grounded. We explore how hookup culture can either reinforce negative patterns or become a powerful mirror for your patterns, desires, boundaries, and capacity for intimacy. We talk about: Why hookups aren’t the problem—but how we show up in them can be The difference between unconscious vs. intentional hookups How to bring honesty, communication, and authenticity into casual sex How our own hookups have evolved over time Practical ways to make hookups more enjoyable, respectful, and connected—for everyone involved This isn’t about judging hookup culture or pretending it should be something it’s not. It’s about raising the standard of how you show up—so even casual encounters can feel aligned, present, and real. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - How To Elevate Your Hookup Culture (00:02:22) - The Pros and Cons of Hookup Culture (00:05:50) - What are the cons of hookup culture? (00:07:12) - How Gay Men View Their Hookups (00:11:36) - No More Sex: We Need Love (00:13:34) - What Makes A Hookup Good For You? (00:17:38) - "Honesty Is What Makes A Hookup Good" (00:21:15) - Demisexual Guy On Grindr (00:25:31) - Demisexual People Talk About Their Sexualities (00:26:00) - Michael On His Hookups... (00:29:59) - Elevating Your Hookups (00:31:16) - PODCAST: Please support the community

For many gay men, our relationship with our dad is one of the most defining- and least talked about. In this episode, we explore the nuances of our relationships with our fathers through three core questions: How did your dad react when you came out? How do you express your gayness around him today? Does being gay impact the level of intimacy you have with your dad? From there, we go deeper into family dynamics, cultural expectations, and the different expressions of love and acceptance between fathers and their gay sons. We get into physical affection between fathers and sons, how much access we give them into our lives, and the boundaries we set as adults. We also explore how these early relationships can shape the kinds of men we’re attracted to… and the patterns we carry into dating and relationships. This is a grounded, honest conversation about the often complex and layered relationship between fathers and sons. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Going Deeper: The Daddy Issue (00:01:47) - Did Gay Men Need Daddies? (00:03:20) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out? (00:07:49) - How Did My Dad React To My Coming Out? (00:10:18) - Reno On Not Bringing Up Gay Issues With His Father (00:14:24) - When My Gay Friend Comes Out (00:14:43) - How Did My Dad React To Coming Out? (00:18:53) - Coming Out To My Dad (00:20:52) - How Do You Describe Your Gayness To Your Dad? (00:27:38) - How Do I Feel Representing My Gayness To My Dad? (00:31:14) - How My Parents Accept My Gay Love Life (00:33:37) - Do You Hold Back Your Gayness When You're Around Your Dad (00:37:56) - Adam Levine on Father-Son Conferences (00:42:40) - Does Being Gay Impact How You Experience Intimate Touch With Your Dad (00:45:32) - Does Being Gay Impact How I Experience Intimate With My Dad? (00:47:52) - Michael Jackson on His Dad's Love (00:51:09) - We Love You, Dads

A lot of gay men take pride in being independent, self-sufficient and in control. But is there a shadow side? When the time comes to let someone in, ask for support, or even rely on others—it feels uncomfortable, exposing, even threatening. In this episode, we explore the spectrum between dependence, co-dependence, independence, hyper-independence, and interdependence—and why so many gay men get stuck at the far end of doing life alone. We talk about: What hyper-independence actually is (and why it’s so common) The fear of losing yourself, your freedom, or your identity Why intimacy feels harder than being alone How this shows up in dating, relationships, and asking for support What it looks like to move toward interdependence (secure attachment) This isn’t about becoming dependent. It’s about learning how to find a happy middle ground where you can let someone in without losing yourself or pulling further away. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: How to Let People In (00:01:14) - What is Dependency and Independence? (00:03:34) - Guys Who Are Hyper Independent or Codependent (00:04:54) - Cocodependent and Secure Attachment: How Do You Know (00:08:04) - How to Grow Up With Someone (Gay Men) (00:10:49) - Insecure Attachment and The Fear That (00:13:38) - What Are Some Boundaries That You Have For Yourself? (00:15:23) - What's the Hardest Part of Learning To Trust Again? (00:17:06) - How Anxious Attachers Get Out Of Conflict (00:18:45) - How To Start Moving Toward Interdependence (00:20:21) - Can An Avoidant Attachment Style Overcorrect Into Becoming Cod (00:24:59) - How to Cope With Anxious Partner (00:27:54) - The Importance of Living With Your Partner (00:30:44) - How To Overcome The Fear Of Disappointment During Relationships (00:34:35) - Gay Men Talk About Being Independent

There’s something unique about friendships between gay and straight men. They often feel easy, natural, and unexpectedly intimate. In this episode, we explore the unique reasons why gay and straight men are drawn towards each other. From male bonding and emotional intimacy to validation, and the freedom to drop the “rules” of being a man, these friendships often offer something both sides aren’t getting elsewhere. We unpack: Why gay men are drawn to straight men… and what they represent Why straight men feel safe, open, and even curious around gay men How masculinity is shifting in 2026… and where these friendships fit What each side gives the other and how we balance each other out This isn’t about hookups or labels. It’s about what men are craving, and what that reveals about modern masculinity. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gaming Going Deeper (00:00:59) - Gay Men On Straight Men's Friendship (00:04:43) - Why Do Gay Men Are Attracted To Straight Men? (00:06:55) - Gay Hockey Players Play With Straight Guys (00:08:41) - Why Are You Attracted To Straight Male Friends? (00:13:32) - Straight Men On The Gay Men's Brotherhood (00:17:46) - Gay Men's Brotherhood Connection Circles (00:18:28) - Why Are Straight Men Drawn To Gay Men? (00:22:43) - Damon on Why Gay Men Are Drawn to Him (00:23:50) - Straight Men Are Desperate For Sex (00:26:45) - Broke Male Podcast: Permission To Be You (00:31:41) - "It's Okay to Hug Your Gay Father" (00:33:11) - Gay Men Going Deep (00:33:48) - Gay Men Want More Sexual Closeness (00:39:15) - Straight Men Talk About Gay Bars (00:41:46) - Set Free Your Gay Men! (00:43:12) - Going Deep: Gay Men's Brotherhood

We’ve all dealt with them. And maybe we’ve probably been one too… In this episode, we unpack what’s really going on beneath hate. Not just online trolls or obvious critics, but the subtle ways judgment, resentment, and animosity show up in everyday life. We explore: Why people hate in the first place (and why it’s rarely about you) The difference between healthy disagreement and actual hate How hate often masks insecurity, unmet expectations, or avoidance What it actually costs you to be a hater And how to deal with haters without shrinking, proving, or losing yourself This isn’t about pretending to be positive or “above it.” It’s about understanding psychology so you don’t get pulled into it, or unconsciously become part of it. ️ Connection Circle: Your Coming Out Process If this episode resonates, join Matt for a live Connection Circle . This is an opportunity to share your story, be witnessed without judgment, and begin releasing the parts of you that learned it wasn’t safe to be fully authentic. You don’t have to carry it alone anymore. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: How To Deal With Haters (00:01:34) - Michael Jackson on Why People Hate Him (00:04:55) - How to Stop Criticizing Others (00:05:35) - Haters Need to Be Seen In Their Pain (00:09:00) - How to Disagree With a Hater (00:14:00) - "Disengagement Is a Powerful Tool" (00:15:51) - Michael on The Impact Of Hate On His Life (00:20:45) - The Influences of Social Media (00:21:12) - How to Handle Haters (00:21:43) - How To Stop Defensiveness (00:25:55) - Let the Haters Be Wrong (00:29:58) - Dropping Love For The Brothers (00:31:05) - A Connection Circle

What if the things you turn to for fun, pleasure, and productivity are also the ways you avoid your life? In this episode, we explore escapism through a grounded, real-world lens. Not necessarily as a clinical issue, but as a pattern most of us fall into without realizing it. From constant busyness and social plans to sex, substances, and scrolling, it’s never been easier to stay stimulated- and disconnected at the same time. We break down: Why escapism is so common (and why it makes sense) The difference between enjoyment and avoidance How to recognize when it shifts from choice to compulsion The hidden costs of always staying “on” Why a full life can still feel empty Join us for an eye-opening episode about understanding the spectrum of escapism… and what it might be helping you avoid. ️ Connection Circle: Slowing Down Without Falling Behind If this episode resonates, join Michael for a live Connection Circle where we explore how to slow down, be more intentional, and stay connected to your life… without feeling like you’re falling behind. www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/events Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Man Going Deep: Escapism (00:03:34) - Have You Been In A Pattern of Avoidance? (00:07:30) - Have You Ever Been In A Compulsive Loop With Something? (00:10:49) - How To Cope After A Breakup (00:13:26) - Talking About Relationships (00:15:14) - What is the anxiety of working? (00:16:24) - Burnout and Escapism (00:20:05) - Gay Man's Brotherhood: Slowing Down Without Falling Behind (00:22:13) - How to Stop Distract Yourself With Your Phone (00:26:19) - What is the cost of constant numbing, avoidance of self? (00:28:35) - How to Slow Down Your Life (00:29:26) - A Gay Man's Four Fs (00:30:47) - Gay Men's Brotherhood

At what point did life stop being fun? As kids, play came naturally. We were curious, spontaneous, and fully present. But for many adults, especially gay men who grew up navigating shame and self-consciousness, play slowly disappears. Responsibility takes over. Image matters more. We try to be cool. And somewhere along the way, joy gets replaced with pressure, performance, and productivity. In this episode, we explore why so many adults lose their playful side and why reconnecting with it can be one of the most powerful ways to reclaim joy, authenticity, and connection. Some of the things we cover in this conversation are: How shame and self-consciousness disconnect us from play The difference between authentic play and performative fun How western culture slowly erodes our inner child Why playfulness is connected to vulnerability and authenticity The role of play in intimacy, connection, and great sex How play can protect against burnout and bring us back to life Why joy and appreciation are skills worth intentionally developing If life has started to feel heavy, serious, or overly effortful, this episode is a reminder that play is not childish. It may be one of the most important ingredients in a meaningful life. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop seri... Chapters (00:00:05) - Let's Play (00:02:05) - Why Do Gay Men Stop Playing? (00:04:19) - What Did You Play For As A Child? (00:07:15) - When Did You Start Playing Solo? (00:13:20) - What Would You Get Out Of Play? (00:18:10) - How I Used To Play Both Girls And Boys (00:21:05) - Gay Men Talk About Childhood Play (00:23:32) - Have Your Relationships to Play Changed As You Get Older? (00:29:03) - The Importance of Play (00:31:01) - The Role of Play in Me (00:36:39) - What Does Playing Bring Up For You? (00:37:00) - What Are The Ways That You Play? (00:40:02) - The Importance of Travel (00:42:20) - Matt the Filmmaker on Play (00:47:33) - Michael's Secret To Fun And Play (00:50:39) - Play Will Save Your Life!

When a gay man says he’s attracted to masculine men, is that simply preference… or could internalized homophobia be part of the story? In this episode, we unpack one of the most volatile conversations in the gay community. We explore what people actually mean when they say “masculine,” the masc and fem archetypes that shape gay culture, and how social conditioning around masculinity and femininity can influence attraction and identity. Most importantly, we tackle the question at the center of the debate: where is the line between genuine preference and internalized bias? In this episode we discuss: What people really mean when they say “masculine” Masculine and feminine archetypes How conditioning around masculinity shapes attraction What internalized homophobia can look like in everyday life The difference between preference and hierarchy Where the line may exist between preference and prejudice Join us for a nuanced conversation about masculinity, attraction, and the cultural forces that shape how gay men see themselves and each other. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your... Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep (00:01:00) - Gay Men's Issues With Masculinity (00:03:16) - What is Internalized Homophobia? (00:05:26) - Are You Attracted To Masculine Men? (00:10:26) - Tom Brokaw on Masculinity (00:11:40) - Masculinity and the Gay Community (00:14:31) - On Masculinity and Sexuality (00:17:39) - Gayman's Brotherhood Connection Circles (00:18:29) - Internalized Homophobia (00:23:06) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Femininity and Gay Life (00:29:44) - Queens Talk About Their Gay Culture (00:32:15) - Outing My Own Phobia (00:36:08) - Gay Men Go Deep Coaching (00:36:50) - Where Is the Line Between Real Sexual Desire and Internalized Homophobia (00:39:58) - I Used To Be Attracted To Performative Masculinity (00:45:24) - Reno On Gay Men's Sexualities (00:49:08) - Blind Dating on Grindr (00:50:14) - A Very Long Goodbye

The guy who constantly cancels plans, keeps things vague, or disappears when something better comes along — that’s flakiness: a pattern of not following through. In a culture of endless options and shifting feelings, has unreliability quietly become normal? And what does that actually say about us? In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about: What flakiness actually is — and what it isn’t The difference between boundaries and excuses Common avoidance patterns in dating and friendships Why keeping your word is about more than just social plans What it really means to be a reliable man This isn’t just about the inconvenience of canceled plans. It’s about self-trust, stronger relationships, and the kind of man you’re practicing becoming. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: FlAKY Gays (00:03:24) - Gay Men Talk About Flakiness (00:07:37) - How to run a group (00:08:45) - Flaky Gay Men vs Avoidant Gay Men (00:13:03) - Being Candid With People (00:16:34) - Gay Men Talk About When They Don't Want To Connect With Me (00:20:13) - How to Get More Out of Your Friendships (00:21:10) - Lack of Follow Through (00:25:50) - Matt On His Love Life (00:29:04) - In the Elevator With Flakiness (00:30:25) - Gaming Going Deep

What does it actually mean to identify as gay? For many of us, claiming the word “gay” was liberating. It gave us language, belonging, community, and pride. It helped us make sense of our experiences and find people who understood us. But is there a point where identification turns into over-identification? In this episode, we unpack some big questions: What is identity, really? In what ways is identifying as gay empowering? How does it foster belonging and inclusion? When does it start to create division, hierarchy, or limitation? Is “gay” a culture — and if so, what does that even mean? Where’s the line between healthy pride and rigid attachment? We explore the benefits and the drawbacks of tying ourselves closely to any identity — and how over-identifying can sometimes shrink us rather than expand us. This conversation isn’t about minimizing being gay. It’s about integrating it. About moving from performance to embodiment. From label to lived experience. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deep: Over Identifying With Being Gay (00:00:50) - Being gay in the quest for enlightenment (00:03:29) - Michael Buble On Over Identifying With Being Gay (00:08:55) - On Loss of Identity (00:13:26) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: The Gay Community (00:18:03) - Coming Out Has Helped People (00:21:17) - How Over Identifying Can Be a Hindrance (00:23:05) - Is Pride Helpful or a hindrance for Gay Men?

In a world of swipes, situationships, and high-intensity connections, romance can start to feel obsolete — replaced by sexual energy, emotional guardedness, or the safety of detachment. And yet many of us still long for thoughtfulness, depth, being chosen and choosing in return. In this episode, we explore why that part of us often gets buried under performance, fear of rejection, and modern dating norms — and what it actually takes to lead with romance instead of intensity. We talk about: What romance really looks and feels like in dating Why intensity is so often mistaken for intimacy What it means to actively bring romance into your dating life How love languages and attachment styles shape our romantic expression And what truly sweeps us off our feet This conversation is both a reality check and an ode to the intentional, courageous, thoughtful part of ourselves that still believes in romance. Today's Hosts: Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Matt Landsiedel Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:05) - Gay Men Going Deeper: The Romantic Gay Man (00:00:53) - How To Bring Romance Into Your Dating & Relationships (00:01:56) - How To Be Romantic In Gay Culture (00:03:47) - Michael on Romance in Gay Culture (00:07:34) - Gay Men Talk About Romance (00:12:44) - "I Don't Think Romance Is Romantic" (00:18:00) - How To Start A Romance: Setting the Tone (00:20:25) - The Gay Men's Brotherhood (00:21:09) - How Do You Bring Romance Into Dating? (00:25:48) - How Do I Bring Romance Into Dating? (00:29:03) - What's The Most Romantic Thing You've Ever Done For Someone? (00:33:40) - How To Get Out Of Your Attractor's Grip (00:34:51) - The Most Romantic Thing Someone's Done For Me (00:36:47) - What Do You Need To Know To Be Swept Off Your Feet (00:39:04) - Toronto Guy Problems (00:43:11) - Saved Off My Feet (00:47:10) - "If I'm a 10, I'll Keep Dating" (00:50:05) - Don't Be Afraid To Be Romantic With Your Gay Guy Friends

Being sexually open isn’t the same as being sexually honest. In a culture that celebrates sex, many gay men still struggle to feel aligned with what they truly want, without shame or pressure. In this off-the-cuff conversation, we explore what it really looks like to own your desires without shame, performance, or pressure. We unpack how conditioning, fear, and expectations can quietly pull us away from what we genuinely want, and why many gay men feel disconnected from their evolving desires over time. We talk about: What sexual authenticity actually means (and what it doesn’t) The subtle ways we learn to edit or override our desires How shame, fear, and social expectations shape what we allow ourselves to want How desire changes across seasons of life, relationships, and identity Why authenticity, not experience or performance, is the foundation of sexual empowerment This episode isn’t about labelling “right” or “wrong” desires. It’s about building an honest, compassionate relationship with yourself so your choices around sex feel grounded, intentional, and aligned. Join Michael's Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group starting in April. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Men Going Deeper: Unpacking Sexual Authenticity (00:01:30) - What Does It Mean To Be Sexual Authentic? (00:04:32) - Kinky and Vanilla Sexual Shamers (00:06:02) - How to Exploit Your Sexual Desire in Your 40s (00:08:09) - Tom Brokoe on His Sexual Authenticity (00:09:08) - Demisexuals on Being More Sexual in Their 40s (00:12:28) - The Importance of Authenticity in Relationships (00:15:28) - Geminis Talk Sexually (00:18:04) - Gemini Talk About Vocal Play (00:19:06) - Gay Men Talk Sex (00:22:21) - Gay Mens Brotherhood: Sexual Authenticity

In gay culture, “body count” refers to how many people you’ve slept with. And whether it’s high or low, it often feels like a no-win situation. Have a low body count and you risk being seen as repressed, inexperienced, or undesirable. Have a high one and you’re either celebrated… or slut shamed. In this off-the-cuff conversation, we unpack why gay men are stuck between purity culture and performance culture, and how both distort our relationship to sex, desire, and self-worth. We explore: Why body count became a stand-in for confidence and masculinity How sex gets turned into proof of worth instead of a personal choice The difference between sexual freedom and sexual pressure Why sex positivity isn’t about having more sex, or less sex What sexual empowerment actually looks like when shame isn’t running the show This episode isn’t about judging how much sex you’ve had. It’s about reclaiming choice, agency, and a healthier relationship to desire. Join the Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group Link Today's Hosts: Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Matt Landsiedel Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gay Culture: Perpetual Sexual Hygiene (00:02:00) - Body Count in Our Culture (00:05:48) - Purity Culture and Performance Culture (00:06:42) - Who Are The People Shaming Gay People Having Sex? (00:08:29) - "Purity Culture" Is Full of Shame For Gay Men (00:09:52) - What Is the Story You Tell Yourself About People Who Have A Lot (00:10:18) - Demisexual Man on His Sexual Preoccupation (00:13:55) - Is Demisexual Love The Same As Sex? (00:16:09) - Straight Guys Think They're More Hot Than Girls (00:18:14) - Sexual Empowerment (00:21:57) - Sexual Empowerment Group and Connection Circle (00:23:31) - Oh My Goodness (00:23:40) - Gay Men's Brotherhood: Connections Circles

Gay culture rewards visibility, desirability, and dominance, so a lot of what looks like confidence is actually performance under pressure. In this episode, we unpack the myths of self-confidence gay men inherit and what real confidence looks like when no one’s watching. In this conversation, we explore: What traits often get mistaken for confidence in gay culture How social media amplifies performative confidence and quietly fuels insecurity Why confidence built on validation, desirability, or status is inherently fragile How childhood experiences and early coping strategies shape what confidence feels safe to express The difference between looking confident and being confident Why real confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity and why it naturally shifts over time This episode isn’t about fixing yourself or learning how to project confidence. It’s about understanding why the version you were taught to chase often feels exhausting, and what a quieter, more grounded confidence actually looks like in real life. Today's Hosts: Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Matt Landsiedel Reno Johnston Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a fr... Chapters (00:00:05) - Gays Go Deep: Why So Many Confident Gay Men Are (00:00:59) - How Confidence For Gay Men Is Decoded (00:04:32) - What Are The Traits That Get Mistaken for Confidence in (00:09:03) - The Gay Gay Male Hypothesis (00:10:39) - Gay Men Reveal How Much Confidence They Have (00:15:52) - The Need for Codependence (00:16:48) - What Makes a Confident Person? (00:21:58) - Is Your Confidence Dependent on Social Media? (00:23:11) - The Need for Self-Confidence (00:25:15) - Want to Attend a Connection Circle? Here! (00:26:10) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life? (00:29:16) - What Does Real Confidence Look Like In Real Life? (00:33:28) - Is There A Difference Between Confidence And Heart-centered Confidence (00:35:59) - What does real confidence look like in real life? (00:36:24) - How to Handle Failure and Defeat (00:38:01) - Who Is The Most Confident Person That You Know? (00:41:55) - What Is It That Gay People Get From Being Confident? (00:47:03) - How to Build a Confidence (00:48:20) - Thank You!!

Everyone says they want a “slow build” in dating… right up until chemistry hits and judgement leaves the building. In this off-the-cuff episode, we talk about why moving fast feels so intoxicating, what actually happens in your nervous system when you do, and how speed can quietly hijack discernment, attachment, and self-trust. We share personal stories, name the difference between excitement and regulation, and break down how slowing down isn’t about playing games, withholding sex, or killing the spark… it’s about letting something real have a chance to form. If you’ve ever confused intensity for intimacy, this one’s for you. Today's Hosts: Matt Landsiedel Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes - CONNECT WITH US - Watch podcast episodes on YouTube Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls Follow us on Instagram | TikTok Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com - LEARN WITH US - Building Better Relationships online course : Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others. Healing Your Shame online course : Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame. Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection : Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series. Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report. Chapters (00:00:00) - Gaiman Going Deeper: Slow Build In Relationships (00:00:39) - What is the Slow Build? (00:02:29) - How to Control the Pace of a Relationship (00:02:50) - Falling In Love Too Fast (00:05:57) - How To Manage Your Relationships (00:07:43) - Why Do We Do This? (00:11:06) - What Is A Healthy Pace For A Romantic Relationship? (00:14:13) - What Happens to People Who Go Too Fast? (00:15:13) - What is the Healthy Pace for a Romantic Relationship? (00:17:01) - "We're Going Too Fast For My Own Natural System" (00:19:23) - Knowledge Is Key to Secure Relationships (00:23:01) - How To Slow Down Your Love Life (00:25:02) - How To Control the Pace of Your Relationship (00:29:48) - How To Manage Your Attachment Style (00:30:56) - Podcast