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Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Published by Tony Santore

  • Comedy
  • Science
  • Natural sciences

Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, opens in a new tabMake something like it

On the charts

6 chart placements

Every published chart this podcast appears in, in the snapshot behind this page. Each one links to the chart it came off.

  1. Number 59Natural sciencesAustralia
  2. Number 51Natural sciencesCanada
  3. Number 27Natural sciencesUnited Kingdom
  4. Number 196Natural sciencesNorway
  5. Number 22Natural sciencesUnited States
  6. Number 150ScienceUnited States

From the feed

Recent episodes

The latest episodes published to this podcast’s own RSS feed. Titles and descriptions are the publisher’s.

  1. Paleobotanical Origins of The Reflecting Pool Disaster from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Sep 16, 20262 hr 7 min

    In this episode we talk with Chuck Delwiche about the early evolution of land plants, photosynthetic bacteria, what Earth may have looked like 4 billion years ago, what some of the first land plants look like, why bioluminescent dinoflagellates (Pyrocystis) "light up", and the species of algae responsible for the reflecting pool disaster that nearly have the president an aneurysm over the summer. Chuck Delwiche is a professor of biology at University of Maryland who studies green algae, archaea, and the early evolution of plants.

  2. Corruption, Cronyism, & Destroying a National Park from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Aug 31, 202649 min

    Laiken Jordahl is the national public lands advocate for the center for biological diversity. In this episode he tells us about the destruction of Big bend National Park for a pointless and unnecessary border wall and what efforts have been made to stop it.

  3. Taos & Denver Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Aug 25, 20261 hr 22 min

    Rants about Taos, Garden Design in the sba to j aisle, how to tell if a plant has massive tuberous roots, Peteria scoparia, a new species of Paronychia leucochthonicola, Texas Madrone in Denver, US intervention in Latin America, and more.

  4. Tennessee Oak Savanna Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Aug 5, 20261 hr 59 min

    Ad-free episodes of the podcast are available on the crime pays but botany doesn't patreon. A reminder to any complaining jadrools : I don't choose the ads. Your own algorithm does. Thank your corporate overlords. This episode contains rants about Tennessee Oak Savannas, suburban Chicago fire ecology, granite balds in South Carolina and Georgia, the close ties between shame, status and native plants in South Texas-Mexican American communities, a hopeful city council meeting about a native plant ordinance, and more.

  5. June in Ft. Worth Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Jul 3, 20261 hr 37 min

    Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt Rants about the Extinction of the Ft. Worth Prairie, the rediscovery of Dalea sabinalis, plants with huge taproots, dry limestone plants, idiotic development, getting fleeced and ripped off in Costa Rica, fleabag motels, the Bowel Movement Supermarket, reminiscing about riding freight trains to Ft. Madison Iowa for the $5 cinema, and more

  6. Interstate 8 Tour Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Jun 10, 20261 hr 51 min

    Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt In this episode we rant about all night drives through the desert, meth-amphetamine and Del Taco Management, Phoenix Horticultural Atrocities, the "Kicked Outta Da Botanic Garden" Tour, plumbing leaks, Brad Lancaster's work in the Dunbar Spring Neighborhood of Tucson, and more.

  7. North Carolina Rants (NSFW) from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    May 25, 20261 hr 35 min

    (NSFW) Rants about Dr Phil, Fire Ecology, Carnivorous Plants, the Piedmont Forests of North Carolina, Sandhills, Coastal Plain Longleaf Pine Savannas and more... All Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

  8. Culture and Plants in Nuevo León, Mexico : Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    May 14, 20261 hr 15 min

    Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt Carlos "Aztekium" Velasco is a biologist, educator, and naturalist in Nuevo León, Mexico who has been teaching and studying the region's botany for 30+ years. He has written a guidebook to the plants of Nuevo León and helped describe new species such as Astrophytum caput-medusae. In this episode we talk about the endemic plants of the Sierra Madre, the habitat of Huasteca Canyon, the urban river known as Rio Santa Catarina and its potential as native plant habitat, Ethnobotany of Mexican Plants, a growing appreciation of native plants in Northern Mexican culture, why the North lost so much of its Ethnobotany compared to the South, and more.

  9. Oakland Bio - Saumitra Kelkar from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    May 8, 20261 hr 36 min

    Saumitra Kelkar is a biologist and public educator In Oakland, California. This episode we talk about getting kids into nature, Bay area plant habitats, human selection of native plants and native plant cultivars, remnant edible wild gardens created by indigenous people, human-plant mutualisms, illegal gardening and more. Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

  10. Dirty Backyard Biology with Damon Tighe from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    May 5, 20261 hr 59 min

    In this episode we talk about the dead fly fungus, fertilizing Trichocereus with piss, how to get a good compost heap running, the science of backyard microbes, human manure composting, cultivating oyster mushrooms, trying to find out what mycorrhizal fungus associates with Texas Madrones, and more. Follow Damon Tighe on IG at @damontighe Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

  11. Nuevo Leon & Borderlands Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    May 4, 20261 hr 53 min

    Rants about Mexican Cops, finding Arroyo Sweetwood in the wild, refugial canyons of the Sierra Madre that feel like humid forests in Georgia, and more . Ad-Free Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available on the patreon at ww.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

  12. Rafflesia Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Apr 17, 20261 hr 36 min

    Ad-Free episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesnt podcast are available on the Patreon at: www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt Rants about the Philippines, street trees of Manila, the jade vine Stronglyodon macrobotrys, the parasitic plant genus Rafflesia and its host Tetrastigma (Vitaceae), understory forest palms, old world lineages of aroids, and more.

  13. Philippine Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Apr 6, 20261 hr 43 min

    Episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available Ad-Free on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt In this episode we talk Philippines Botany with Jayson Mansibang and Johnny Altomonte from Philippine Taxonomic Initiative. We talk about biogeography, Nepenthes, diversity in the genus Ficus, Dacrydium, Begonias, Dipterocarpaceae and the genus Shorea, describing new species, ultramafic areas of the Philippines, how a childhood filled with dinosaurs got us into botany, and more.

  14. Back Porch Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Mar 31, 20261 hr 17 min

    All episodes of the Crime Pays Podcast are available at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt Rants about saving the Borderlands Caper Tree, salvaging star cactus from a housing development in South Texas, mowing (and "dethatching") dead turf grass, vandalizing Nandina domestica in private landscaping, and more.

  15. Drought Tolerant Rants from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Mar 15, 20261 hr 51 min

    Ad-free episodes of The Crime pays but Botany doesn't podcast can be listened to on the Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

  16. Botanizing California in a 2000 Honda Civic, with Jessie Dickson from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Mar 11, 20262 hr 12 min

    All episodes of the Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't podcast are available - without obnoxious ads - on the Patreon at www.patreon.com/Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt A conversation about California Native Plants with Jessie Dickson aka "Sacramento Food Forest" (he has no interest in permaculture). Jessie Dickson is responsible for stoking interest in native plants and ecosystems in quite a few thousand people who might not otherwise have any interest in it. In this episode we talk about fighting the Coyote Creek solar project, California redwoods, getting zoomers into botany, sobriety, the California deserts and much more.

  17. Missouri from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Mar 2, 20261 hr 46 min

    All episodes of The Crime pays podcast are available ad free on the Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

  18. Rainwater Harvesting & Plants-As-Infrastructure with Brad Lancaster from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Feb 19, 20262 hr 12 min

    Brad Lancaster is a guerilla tree-planter and rainwater harvester in Tucson who has been instrumental in changing the way that the city he lives in treats rainwater and street trees. He has helped covince the city of Tucson to update its own infrastructure so as to absorb - rather than waste - rainwater by using things like curb-cuts, street-side infiltration basins and native plants. In this conversation, we learn how cities in hot, arid climates can update infrastructure and use native plants to reduce flooding, keep the landscape cooler and provide a better overall quality of life for the people that live in them. This conversation is full of hope. check out the abundance of resources and diagrams on Brad's website : www.harvestingrainwater.com and neighborhoodforesters.org Ad-free episodes of the crime pays podcast are available on the patreon at : www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt BRAD'S WEBSITES: HarvestingRainwater.com CosechaDeAguaDeLluvia.com NeighborhoodForesters.org BRAD LANCASTER'S YouTube CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarvestingRainwater BRAD'S BOOKS (available at deep discount direct from him): https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/shop/ RAIN GARDEN PLANTING ZONES - and how to figure out what to plant where https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resources/rain-garden-planting-zones/ Urban Drool Harvesting in Los Angeles https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/2009/03/harvesting-urban-drool/ Self-guided water tours in Tucson (in-person or virtual) https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/tour/ Hydrologic redistribution of soil moisture by mesquites (there are better studies, but this is a start) https://eos.org/research-spotlights/how-mesquite-trees-gain-a-competitive-edge-in-arid-arizona Guerilla planting https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/2022/09/guerrilla-planting-of-rain-and-native-food-forests-vibrant-acts-of-hope-collaboration-and-letting-go/ Before and after images of water-harvesting in our neighborhood streets: https://dunbarspringneighborhoodforesters.org/2022/09/before-and-after-photos-of-green-infrastructure-in-dunbar-spring-neighborhood/ Eddy basins: https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resource/backwater-or-eddy-basins/ DIY curb cuts: https://www.harvestingrainwater.com/resource/do-it-yourself-curb-cut-guide/

  19. Ecuador Rantzzzz from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Feb 16, 20261 hr 58 min

    All episodes of The Crime pays podcast can be listened to ad-free on the patreon : www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

  20. Rants about the Texas Caper, Abuelitas Hating Nature, Asphalt Heat Islands, etc from Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, opens in a new tab

    Jan 28, 20261 hr 31 min

    Ad-free episodes of the CPBBD podcast can be heard at www.patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt In this episode we talk about South Texas Development, remnant thorn forests surrounded by McMansions, the Asphalt Heat Island, the South Texas Caper (Quadrella incana, Caper Family - Capparaceae, Mustard Order - Brassicales), grannies that hate street trees Crime Pays fan appreciation, Fighting City Hall for native scapes, general societal ignorance regarding the living world, Jack faking his own death in order to eat more hot dogs and more.

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Observed September 20, 2026.

Apple and Apple Podcasts are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries.

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