Untoxicated Podcast

This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.

The partners of people with drinking problems learn about things like boundary setting and detachment. But implementation is about more than understanding and intent. Knowing on a conscious level is the first step, but on this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how critical it is to retrain the nervous system to accept and endorse the new behaviors. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Not all relapses involve alcohol. Sheri offers five effective tactics to navigate the emotional relapse of a partner while continuing to protect your own safety and growth. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Lara Hammock is The Illustrating Therapist and she uses drawings to make relationship patterns easier to see. On this quarterly visit with Sheri and Matt, Lara talks about the importance of having a willingness to change, the emotions that follow the behaviors of detachment (cold anger), and the treatment methods for chaos or productivity addiction. Please check out Lara’s The Illustrating Therapist YouTube channel, and send questions for next quarter’s “Ask Lara” episode to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com . And to get your free copy of the RELAX worksheet to use your body to calm your brain, please click this link . Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Our three panelists have a ton of experience being large and in-charge at work, then melting under the anxiety, uncertainty, and emotional abuse of living with alcoholism at home. What a confusing and demoralizing divergent existence. Hear how it feels to be effective and successful, and then also insecure and traumatized, all in the same day, over and over again. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

When people in committed relationships experience the alcoholism of one of the partners, it is widely assumed that relationship recovery is the ultimate goal. But does that make separation or divorce a sign of failure? Sheri and Matt discuss the relief that often accompanies living alone after relationship trauma, and who benefits the most. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

What is the connection between addiction and never truly feeling content? We talk a lot about underlying issues for alcoholism – things like childhood trauma and financial stress. But what about when we chase external fulfillment because we are incapable of internal fulfillment? We pursue chaos because we are not comfortable being content. And what is it like to be in a relationship with someone who never feels contentment? Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

What is it like to feel safe to speak your mind and explore your emotions? No fear of reaction. No one telling you what to do. Listen to Jen, Nikki, Mike, Tara, Jennifer, and Avia explain the value they find in growing and recovering in a no-judgement zone on this roundtable discussion live from the Echoes of Recovery 2026 summer retreat in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

What is sober living, anyway? If an alcoholic has completed detox and treatment, why do they need a sober living environment? Matt used to think sober living was a sign of weakness, and Sheri thought it was a place where they used nicotine as a wall covering. But once they met Kyle, Rebecca, and Nathan, this episode’s panelists, Sheri and Matt learned the incredible value of sober living for former drinkers and partners. Click here to read Kyle’s full story of hopelessness from 2019. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Leading experts in alcoholism recovery promote that the partner and other family members of the drinker play a role in the drinker’s sobriety. Sheri and Matt disagree. What do you think? Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Overstaying at the party, making grandiose plans, saying stupid stuff, passing out in public, missing all the social cues: Sheri and Matt talk about his behavior in his intoxicated summers, and how it impacted her and their kids. If you hear examples that feel familiar, please know that it is not OK and you are not alone. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Emotional safety is critically important to both relationship recovery, and also individual growth and discovery. We are triggered to soothe when we don't feel safe, and authentic connection is impossible without safety. Sheri and Matt suggest the things that help them feel more individually safe, and mourn connections lost. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Matt understands that his drinking and past emotionally unsafe behavior created for Sheri triggers and traumas. Reaching that understanding was a slow evolution through years of curiosity and growth for them both. On this episode, the couple talks about progressing from, "I got sober for you. What more do you want from me?" through all the stages of awakening and awareness. They also talk about when Sheri would have sold Matt for a nickel, OBO, and Matt's delight at finding a ten-pack of used tighty-whitey's at a yard sale. Get ready for laughs and tears in this wide-ranging conversation. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

When asked about the impact on a relationship when an intoxicated partner begs for or demands sex, and the coercion works because the drinker's partner is trying to keep the peace, Amanda Dames tells Sheri and Matt that the dynamic damages trust. And the partner who agrees to unwanted sex is using her body to find or maintain safety. Amanda Dames is a sexologist, a somatic certified sex and relationship coach, and the host of the Kink Consultant podcast. This is a wide-ranging conversation about everything from sexual exploration to relationship recovery after trauma. Click here to link to the free guide Amanda mentions, and for all the resources on her website. Enjoy these insights from people comfortable crying in public. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

Sheri and Matt have covered the ways emotional safety improves relationship dynamic for the person on the receiving end: nervous system regulation, peace and relaxation, and comfort being authentic and vulnerable. In this episode, they consider the benefits for the person providing the emotional safety. Don't do it just for her. Do it for yourself, too. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Requisite” That’s a picture of my bride from the summer we got married. Isn’t she cute? It’s a digital capture of a real photo taken with a camera that doesn’t make or receive phone calls. The picture is printed on glossy paper, and you can see the date stamp on Sheri’s tanned arm. Now, I know you don’t know her as well as I do, but this picture is striking to me because of the genuine, authentic joy on Sheri’s face. Based on her eyebrows, cheeks, and nose, and even through her sunglasses, I can see the trust in her eyes. Not only is she enjoying a sunny day on Lake Winnipesaukee, but she’s enjoying the people she’s with, including me, with a fully relaxed nervous system. Contrast that face with the one she’s making... If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

Jane is an Echoes of Recovery OG who taught us to call our growth and healing work, "Discovery," because there is no going back. After six years of podcast appearances, Jane enlightens Sheri and Matt, once again, revealing the connection between working to physically strengthen and heal the body, and working to ease the pain of trauma and loss. What she is doing in the physical health industry is truly revolutionary, but it is also simple enough for us all to incorporate into our busy lives. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Exorcising the 'F' Word” “You don’t need to come. I’m not dying.” My mom had surgery last week, and that’s what she said when she heard I was flying across the country to help my dad, and to spend time with her, after her surgery. I think her response is part consideration for my busy life–not wanting to be a burden to her not-close-to-retirement son with a bustling family, and part defiance that the surgery posed any kind of risk for her. I get it. And she’s right. I am busy. But damn it, I just keep thinking about my understanding of what people say... If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.

When it comes to parenting, there is no shortage of generational trauma cycle breaking to be addressed. Sheri and Matt talk about the two-generation cycle breaking they are working on with their kids, to implement 100% emotional safety after years of alcoholism, emotional abuse, and Matt's mindset that it was his job to make his kids tough and resilient. They also talk about cats and Hawaiian shirts and grad parties. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family. Whether you are the drinker or the partner, whether you feel a lack of emotional safety or don’t really know what that means, we can help you feel supported. Take the survey and learn more about our Echoes of Recovery and SHOUT Sobriety programs. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Humans. Am I Right?” Humans. We humans do some really strange things. Am I right?... If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on you and your family, as the drinker or the partner of a drinker, please take our brief survey at UntoxicatedSurvey.org so we can share resources, including a free ebook.